TW: SH

[daas]

Did it at work. Not with scissors, just with fingernails, Opened a wound so now I'm bleeding. Good thing I have a long sleeved shirt to cover the blood on the short sleeved one so no one asks questions. Will just have to spend the day working on covering it now. Therapist said Monday that I might be punishing myself--this might be true. Will have to explore that. For right now I'm not sure what to do. I have work to do, of course--maybe something will distract me.

[litethatnevergoesout]

did you take your PRN?

[daas]

Yes, I took it. It doesn't seem to be making a difference today.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to daas]

I’m sorry to hear that, the students had left then? how long until your next appointment?

[daas in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Yes, the students had left. I have an appointment a week from today.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to daas]

I know you just had one, I wish it were sooner. I saw you had posted earlier about the SH starting again or if it’s just continuing. can you text or call 988 whenever you feel like your going to SH even if you’ve taken your PRN? when you mentioned that you were having urges to SH earlier but couldn’t in front of students my first thought was what is going to happen when the students leave. I didn’t say anything because my experience and knowledge of SH is very small. If talking to someone will keep you from following through then I think using 988 as much as possible can help, do you think so? if your only defense is a PRN when you’re alone and it doesn’t help we need a plan B backup option. do you agree?

[daas in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

I'm afraid of using 988 too much because the last hotline I used pretty much told me to stop texting so much. Even talking to them doesn't necessarily stop it; I kept doing it while talking to them the other day. I don't know what to do.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to daas]

are you telling the hotline counselor that you are SH while having the conversation? don’t worry about texting 988 too much.

Is there anyone in your life in person that you can talk to?

I think finding ways to distract yourself is important.

there’s other ways to replace the sensation I found these:

rubbing an ice cube across the skin

taking a cold shower

drawing on the skin with a red felt-tipped pen

gently snapping a rubber band against the skin

clapping the hands hard

stomping the feet loudly

do these seem like they are worth trying to try and replace the sensation of SH?

you’re coming here for support you have a therapist. you’re looking for help, you may not know what to do but you’re doing positive things.

[daas in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Ended up having a short appointment this morning. Told my therapist, in part, that I think the cutting is partly punishing myself for being alive.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to daas]

I think that’s good you’re opening up to your therapist. I encourage you to be totally transparent and honest about everything.

if you think that you’re doing this because you don’t deserve to live and it’s punishment that is important and needs to be addressed.

[Shnookie]

hi. I’m always here 4 U. Tememember U R a strong person. This job helps you stay financially independent

[daas]

Thank you. Yes, I need the job for sure.

[Teaching]

You are in my thoughts

[daas in reply to Teaching]

Thank you. I need it for sure.

[catsrock]

I'm so sorry - hang in there.

[daas in reply to catsrock]

Trying to, but faking okay is hard.

[catsrock in reply to daas]

I totally get that. Have you tried tapping meditations? They help me a lot. I just do the free ones at this site: thetappingsolution.com/ What I like about tapping is you can do it anytime, don't need a therapist or someone else to guide you.