Trigger warning: SH urges

[daas]

SH urges are back and are strong, and scissors are in the bag not too far away...I do have more work to do tonight, and I'm in a hotel and don't want to mess up the sheets, but I might need to text the hotline again. Is there a rule against doing it more than once in a night? I had that experience once with a hotline when I was in crisis a lot and they pretty much told me to stop texting so much. Hopefully this one is not like that.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Daas, It good that you have recognised that you are not in a good headspace.

You shouldn't feel scared to ask for help as many times as you need it 😕

Sending you 🫂 from Australia 🐈‍⬛

[Shnookie]

please text or call 988 again. Do U have a therapist to call as well. R there meds that U R supposed to be taking on a daily basis ?

[daas in reply to Shnookie]

Yes, I'm on several meds. This is my first instance in a long time so I felt like for the most part they were working. Just had an appointment with that doctor on Thursday and he didn't change anything. Granted, at that point there had only been one instance of SH, not 2.

[Shnookie in reply to daas]

I understand. Perhaps U should check in with him again. Not to be intrusive, but do you believe that something might have happened to you recently to trigger the SH

[daas in reply to Shnookie]

I can't think of any one particular thing, but I think it might be a combination of a lot of things that are happening in order to cause this. It is making me so frustrated, embarrassed, and angry.

[The_Butterfly in reply to daas]

Frustrated embarrassed and angry. You have good emotional literacy. You have done of good job of figuring out how you feel. The next step is figuring out what to do with those emotions.

You’re doing the best you can. I’m sorry you’re hurting. You say you are in a hotel. Are you, by chance, at a work conference? Reason being, I have been at work conferences far from home and damn near lose my mind at them. I freaking hate them. I never feel more alone than at a damn work conference. I don’t know what it is. Anyway, maybe you aren’t, but if you are, you are NOT alone.

[daas in reply to The_Butterfly]

It's not a work conference, but something that I've volunteered to do for many years. It is time consuming and yet has to be done in a timely manner, if that makes any sense. I'm currently sitting in the conference room around other people not really talking much but sitting around them so that I can't cut. My scissors are in my car. But the urges are still strong, and I left my PRN at home accidentally, so there's no relief in sight.

[The_Butterfly in reply to daas]

I’m so sorry to hear that you are in this mental agony. Good for you for volunteering through it. Do the people around you suck? I bet they aren’t great.

I believe in you! I believe whatever you are working on must be really important and meaningful and that YOU have strength.

[UnBaked_Cake]

Hi, daas! Sorry for seeing your reply much later.

hotlines should never treat you like that. Their purpose is to always help when you reach out. I am sorry you were not treated well. A hotline I used once did a similar thing to me and I know how that feels to be dismissed.

the 988 hotline was very good. they even asked if they could check up on me the next day (i said yes) and they were very kind. I chatted with them through a private chat one on one.

Have you talked to a psychiatrist/ therapist?

I also currently struggle with sh. It is super hard to keep away from doing it on our low points of the day. I always try to distract myself with a funny video from a fav youtube creator, or I bake something. i also put my earbuds in and listen to piano music with rain sounds and close my eyes for a while. It doesn't help all the time, but its worth trying!

I wish you well! <3

[daas in reply to UnBaked_Cake]

Thank you for responding. I had good luck with the 988 hotline both times I used it yesterday. So far, so good. I talked to my med prescriber on Thursday before my second cutting episode and made an appointment with my therapist for sometime in May. I would be SHing right now if it wasn't for the fact that I am wearing a brand new shirt and I am currently surrounded by people. Knowing that I'm not alone helps some, so I appreciate everyone's answers on here. It makes me feel less alone.