Do you ever feel like the Universe is f*cking with you?
Testing the depths of your patience & ability to exist... pushing & poking... adding more on top of more on top of more... like a sick & twisted experiment... how much can this individual take before they are completely broken & incapable of recovery?
What’s frustrating is that sometimes it feels like I can’t express some of these feelings.
& I can hear a “victim tone” to it which I hate.
Plus, I believe that we can have great influence in some of our experiences.
And I also believe that sometimes, bad sh*t just happens & there’s no need to minimize for the benefit of others.
Ughhh I hate that I can relate to this so much. I am the same way when it comes to venting, it feels like I'm just whining. I constantly feel like I'm a huge inconvenience. That break will come tho, it's what keeps me going.
Somehow I missed your reply to brokenlight. I totally feel you guys. I know I responded once on this topic, but it’s sort of weird timing because today my shame and guilt for being (in MY depressed mind) such a piece of shit and such a bad person who’s bad at life... horrible bad mother, wife, daughter, and friend...Really really has been getting to me. I told a friend here in a private message that I am seeing in myself things that I swore I would never be because I hated those characteristics in my parents. I feel horrible even saying this because my mother is wonderful, but she has always been a worry wart, very emotional and unintentionally guilt inducing. I feel I have become her in some ways and I feel my daughter is becoming me in some ways. My husband is constantly telling me that either it’s not my fault or asking me what good it does my daughter now living in the past and focusing on guilt and shame but it’s really hard to be rational through depression and anxiety. Thank you guys for listening.
Thank you so much. Really means a lot to have you respond. I swear, I’ve been seeing a therapist for months and have never told him anything like this😂. You guys make me feel so safe and remind me that thoughts I have like that or my depression, not me. Because even when I allude to that as I did in my post, deep down I still really think I’m awful. But I guess I am not, it’s the depression and the debilitating symptoms that make it so I can’t care for my family or be a good person. Thank you so much again
Hi! Thank you so much again for your support. Yeah, yesterday was a rough day but I’m doing better today. Thanks so much for your reply😁. Yeah it’s awesome that we have this space to share things like this without being judged😌😉... I hope you’re having a good day today. I hope everyone here is doing well!!!
Yes. 2018 was a series of events that beat the crap out of me mentally and physically. It was relentless and not looking good. It took me months to understand it was the universe's way of making me change. Everything from my diet, quitting smoking, seeking professional help from therapists and exercise. I'm still working on the career change. I think it was years of putting up with a life that's not satisfactory and just accepting that it was good enough. It takes time but little changes make all the difference. Best wishes on finding your way!
yup, yup and yup! I try so hard to be a ‘glass half full’ type. My husband wallows in negativity so I try hard to be the positive one, but yes, i am thinking everything you said. Then I remember things from Dr. Wayne Dyer such as this. (Hope this uploads, I tried to screen shot but don’t know how to get it here). If not, look him up - he is wonderful. “The Power of Intention” is a phenomenal book. goo.gl/images/1ZxrLUhttps:/...
I shared the thought in a separate post headed as POSITIVITY. And yes I do feel that way often. But I do believe strongly in the powers of intentions...meaning that our mindset effects outcomes in our lives. My husband refuses to accept that, and that is tough to live with quite honestly. I do wish you well and hope things work out for you.
It’s so hard I just don’t want to be here at all only for my family and friends here. But there is always beauty to see feel love ❤️ Fight to see the beauty be with it
In answer to your first question, yes! The description in your second paragraph – totally understand. I can’t either, express many of my feelings I mean. And I always feel guilty when I vent or complain too. For me I think the reason I can’t share a lot of things is because I feel if I told somebody the whole entire truth, it would take so so much hard work to get better... and I don’t think I have enough in me to do that. My other choice is to stay on the road I’ve been on for just about my entire life. That is just as exhausting as the first option. Just so depressed, no motivation, hate leaving the house.....I get what you are going through.
You are a strange one to me. You have a wife who loves you, you have a place to live, you have a job. Yet you still see the glass half empty, you see all things you don't have, not what you have. If you are trying to keep up with the Jones, it will be a losing battle. Perhaps, you need to see thinks in a different perspective... What is your basis of comparison? Do you look at another person's life and feel cheated? As if all the bad breaks come only to you? I have no one to love, I have no home, I lost half my life to somethings doctors didn't know how to treat because the treatment wasn't even in a trial phase until I was in my 40's. Do you think I was cheated more than you? Should we compare everyone's pain and see who wins? No, because life is not a game, and we all have our demons. I accept what my life is, and try to make it better than the past. You make think of a philosopher who believed in living for simple pleasures, He wrote," Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them. Why should we be in such dire haste to succeed? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it's because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music whichever he hears, however measured, or far away.
I may have already said this, but somehow I accidentally came across this again. Please remember and/or realize, @brokenlight...You don’t have to explain yourself or defend yourself against anybody. Sorry, but seeing one of the comments here again sort of makes me angry all over again (which is MY problem 😂) and I seriously am not purposely being mean. But in my opinion (and everybody’s got one!) anybody on this forum Who seemingly intentionally posts hurtful/unhelpful/degrading responses must be pretty sick themselves. It’s just that I know how hard it can be to actually say what you really feel. When you finally do, it’s after careful consideration usually and after you have a good reason to deem the place you are Sharing as a safe place, and a supportive place. To get an ignorant post like that could be a really giant deal to someone who is vulnerable. I think you already know this and have thought of this and realized it, but if not – please consider all of the other responses you received from people who do understand. I have a husband, I have a daughter, a roof over my head, medical insurance, whatever else this person may consider as factors that exclude one from depression or anxiety.
But as you know, it doesn’t make one bit of difference. I mean, it’s like saying that if a person is a celebrity, they have no right to have these mental illnesses. It could have just been this person‘s own mental illness talking. That’s what I would like to think.
That’s such a good point meganick! I totally don’t have to explain myself or defend myself to anybody. I really appreciate you saying that.
Thank you so much for your comment & support.
& I agree with you.
It was hard to express myself in that post and I for sure wrote it mindfully (or as mindful as I can be in a moment like that) & with careful consideration.
It takes a certain amount of vulnerability & courage to share here.
This place has felt supportive & safe so I don’t want to let this one negative experience shy me away from what has been so helpful.
It was so nice to connect with everyone else who could read my words for what they were and even relate. That’s the best part & it out weighs that negative experience.
Thank you for being so kind & supportive.
It truly makes a difference in my experience here.
Wow, that was a really good way of expressing things! I am so glad that you are not going to stay away because of one person’s thoughtlessness 😊!!! And I’m sure I’ve said this, but you are a great source of support for me as well!
To be honest, I could not tell in the beginning of that post if they were kidding or not. At first. Then when I saw how unhelpful/non-constructive it was, I just sort of quit reading. As I’ve seen so many times on here, none of us are doctors. I think most of us just want to be here for One another. I guess once in a while there’ll be somebody with destructive comments... don’t use your energy thinking about these things❤️❤️
❤️❤️❤️❤️ gosh, you just don’t know how much help it’s been just communicating with others who understand. Wait, yes you do! It makes me feel really good that I could say something that helped. So yeah thank you so much for telling me that, it really makes my heart swell in a good way that I don’t feel very often😂
I’ve felt this way since day one, like when is enough, enough? Like how long can things be piled on you and for what reason. People say it should make you stronger, but I feel like you have to have a break even point. What is the purpose of all the weight being placed on your shoulders? Hopefully all of the struggles do make you and others experience the same things stronger. I personally just would like to know the reasoning in my life. Just know you aren’t alone in these feelings.
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