well, time has passed since the last time i was here. it hasn’t gotten better. the feelings i feel are just very strong & combined with the emptiness i feel from the depression, end up making things worse. ive come to terms that i cant be with her but my heart is really aching. i cant stomach the future that lies ahead of us. i keep falling into emotional breakdowns then moving on as if nothing happened because the emptiness decides to consume me at my weakest. my faith in God has not faltered though. i have grown closer with him in my recent days. ive learned so much from others who have suffered yet i cant seem to make anything work. ive been on the phone with the Suicide hotline for hours trying to cool my head and settle down but i dont think its enough. i can hardly get admitted to a hospital because of insurance problems & financial issues. i dont know what will become of me, but i hope i can live another day without stressing so much.
Trigger Warning ‼️ Depression & Near... - Anxiety and Depre...
Trigger Warning ‼️ Depression & Near end of life
I AM SO VERY SORRY!! I do understand. I've been where you are. I'm glad to hear that your faith has not left. 94Killed GOD IS WITH YOU! HE KNOWS YOUR PAIN! I AM PRAYING FOR YOU! God give this young man the peace of mind and heart that he needs to know everything will be ok. Give him the assurance that "this too shall pass". This young man is aching in his soul, and we know that you, God, can ease that pain. Give him the strength to continue on. Give him the will to seize yet another day. Lord, allow this young man to be a soldier for you. Work thru him. Allow this crisis, this heartache, this unbearable grief to be a testimony he can share with others. 94 Killed, I can't promise you will never endure pain like this again, but I can tell you that with faith in God and the will to help others get thru the agony that you feel, God will show you his Divine power and you will find peace. God bless you. I will not cease praying for you.
thank you, this really means a lot. i dont have people to text so i came back here for some more advice. God has blessed me with some opportunities but i feel i need a clearer sign.
One day at a time. Today only. Breathe deep. You are your own blessing. I feel you you are not alone
Hang on a while longer. We don’t have to think about tomorrow or yesterday. Wishing you moments of hope and of peace today. Keep reaching out.
it hurts to reach out, but i feel the hands of strangers on my shoulder comforting me when i do. the reaching out part is always the hardest.
It can hurt, I think, because we then share what we wish wasn’t so. But it heals at the same time.
We are here for you to lean on. Take all the comfort you can here. You’re doing it.
what do i hang onto specifically? its been really hard to do anything that i usually do. ive even picked up new habits & hobbies and it stopped working for me.
I can suggest some things. It’s ok if they don’t work, you’ll end up finding what does work when you search for something in your own way, your own time.
Hang onto anything that brings you positivity and glimmers of hope…any beauty you see-admire it, any second that you feel good, like joy or peace inside in any way-be grateful for it as this will help bring more of the goodness.
It’s ok if you don’t do what you used to do. Or some things don’t work out the way you pictured. Trust the process and do what feels right for you now.
okay i will, clinging onto positivity and happiness. ive been trying very hard these past couple of months. i feel bad that the advice of others didnt work for me, i tried really hard to get into them too.
It’s ok. Really it is. I went through a depression recently and I also couldn’t manage what people suggested.
We are here for you, supporting you and listening during your hard times.
After every difficulty comes ease.
💛⭐️
To God. You said your faith has not faltered. He shows us the way in His time not ours. Trust in Him.
TW! ive been calm since making this post, ive calmed down a lot. i was really on the verge of attempting, but this chat along with a groupchat i am in has helped. i wrote my final goodbyes & it accidentally got sent to someone through an automated program on my phone and i feel horrible that the person received the message. i was able to delete it but she had seen it already. i enjoy being anonymous on the internet but when someone in real life finds out about my troubles, i see they treat me differently, as if they need to walk on eggshells around me. it hurts that my “friend” doesnt know what to say to me, but i know i have this community to help guide me
I’m so glad you’ve calmed down a lot. Since it’s out of your control that you sent the message to your friend, focus instead on a positive that you can do now to move forward in any way you can for yourself. You are worth it.
💛⭐️
TW! Im sorry. the words have all been helpful but last night i was planning on ending it for good. the accidental automated message was triggered by a friend and she panicked and called my family. my family now knows and i am on house lockdown. this is really the worst possible outcome. i didnt want no one to know until i was fully gone. the two people other than family that knows told me although they feel bad about having me on lockdown, i am okay and it is all that matters. i feel horrible for trying to commit suicide while reading their words, it made it so hard to go and it also made it hard to stay.
Oh no. I’m sad to hear you almost took your life. It was not meant to be though. Your friends and family love you and are doing what they can for you. Things can get better for you. Maybe you can take this lockdown time to heal. Don’t give up on you. We are here to lean on and to listen to you.
thank you all.
Remember those signs you talked about? Think about it for a while. Did this series of events just happen? Or was it a sign that you have people around you that care about you and love you and want you to stick around? It’s in the open now. You don’t have to hide how you feel anymore. They love you just the same. Embrace that love. ❤️
again, im sorry to sound like im just throwing everyones advice at their face, but i wasnt loved properly as a child & i feel im still not loved properly. it hurts because i still love them so much. i dont know how my parents go on after everything they did to me and my siblings. they were never there for me emotionally & i had to learn how to live through YouTube videos or through others advice. i feel envious when i hear someone has parents who are emotionally intelligent and it hurts to hear that i just have to get used to the fact that my parents are stuck in the old ways.
the only person who has showed me love since then has ironically been the one who hurt me. ever since she rejected me? she has been here trying to help since it happened. i didnt let her control how i felt, but i did accept her help when i was ready to. we made a promise to each other when we were in high school that we would never stop being friends, even after betting our souls on it, i feel i dont know if i can uphold the promise. it hurts to be around her, it hurts to be away from her, and it hurts to see her happy with someone else. my second to last case of action was to enter in a no contact agreement unless in case of emergencies. we go to the same school together and she lives in my area, i will see her in august everyday until i dont. it hurts that she will be everywhere in my life, but not everywhere where i want her to be.
you’re not alone. I’m going through a breakup and a bad one. I’m so distraught and lost and I’ve been doing nothing but praying. Keep praying. You’re not alone in this.
man, this wasnt even a breakup but i feel it in my soul, ive never loved someone before and this is new to me. i hate that she made the choice of the other man. i hate that she still wants me in her life. but i hate the fact that i want her in my life the most. i hate looking at her but i love her. i hate seeing and hearing her laugh. i hate everything good for her right now. its not right but am i not allowed to feel this way? ive cried day and night and been through so many mental challenges that ive grown real tired and numb. my mother is hovering over me, my brother is worried sick because he is going to lose his blood brother.(he recently lost a little brother figure so its going to hit harder) im really struggling trying to keep myself together to be friends with her, ive given myself time and space & i dont think either of us can do that. she yearns for my presence and i dont have anyone else to speak to daily except for her, being lonely was my main thing and making friends was never working out for me. she was really my only friend for 6 whole years.
and you aren’t alone either, no one is. i dont want this place to just be my escape when i need inspirational words or some good advice, i hope everyone here moves on from the things they dont or cant talk about. life is hard and being human is expensive. be who you want to be and feel comfortable in your own skin. im not good at pep talks or anything inspiring but i tried. i pray that you all are doing okay.
Sometimes someone saying hey I’m here and I’ll be here for you is all a person needs to hear. No pep talks needed. I am glad you are here.
TW! i wish i had that in real life, i dont have anyone i can look at and tell them whats going on. i want to tell someone in real life but what happens to the dynamic between that person and myself then. i hated it when i was in school speaking to a counselor and it hasnt changed since then. believe me i have tried to make friends, emotional intelligence or a compassionate mind isnt common around me. i have dealt with my emotions alone since i was 12 years old having visions of me ending it & hiding myself away so my family would think i just ran away. i really want to have a shoulder to cry on, but now that i dont have one i feel like its hopeless for me. im relying on you all to help me and although its a weird feeling, im glad its showing signs. its working i thank you all. if i cant bear it any longer, i will make one final post addressing how thankful i am to you all. in my final moments you were more helpful & influential than my family has ever been in the 20 years i have been alive. thank you
We are all sufferers from various forms of depression; some of us are further along our paths towards a new 'Normal', although it is different to each of us. Many of us stay to help others, and some drift away. Unrequited love is terrible, but your age will give you chances to find another love.
You are very welcome here, but I will suggest that you lock your posts to this community so they can't get out again. Some folk won't answer an unlocked post. so that would be helping yourself. Leaving your post unlocked is most likely how it got out. I use a PC, so I'm unsure how to lock when using a phone. I'm sure people will help you.
Cheers, Midori
what do you mean by locking my posts? oh was there miscommunication? im on lockdown meaning i cannot leave my home. they dont know about this website i use.
When you post below the post it asks for anyone or community only. If you click community only your post is locked and only members in this group can see it.
Im glad you decided to come back here. We are listening. I think I can honestly say most of us have felt the pain you are in right now. We understand. I know that I sure do! Don’t give up. It will pass, give it time. Keep coming here and talking to us. Call the help line when you need to. You are so young. You have so much to experience in this world. Get in touch with your doctor, maybe they can give you medication for the depression or adjust what you are taking. There is hope. I have been trying meds and tweaking them or changing them. I’m not giving up. You don’t either! You can message me anytime.
how are the meds working out? everyone i have talked to about it say there are too many pills, or the pills are too strong and you can become dependent on them. im nervous in that aspect, i dont want to lose myself to medication.
I have never became dependent on them. But that being said I don’t like myself when I don’t take them. I get angry at everyone and everything, and I don’t like being like that. Over the years I can tell when they aren’t working for me anymore and the has to try something different. The doctor adjusts them to your needs. If you don’t like how one is making you feel there are other options. If you have a good doctor they will find what’s right for you.
Hello friend 94 , you are not alone, i have been where you are many times, and it makes every avenue of life seem hopeless, but you can get through this ,and i am willing you on for a happier life.
i hate the way i feel alone, and then boom there are people on the internet that say that im not. i know i cant have people around me 24/7 but i only get texts from others if its my birthday, if someone needs help, or if someone wanted small conversation. ive never had people tell me they care, ive never celebrated a birthday like others have, ive grown to even dislike human touch because receiving it feels alien. my bsf/first love was really the only person i talked to and was close with. i hate that it was like that because i definitely became dependent on her, but it was in the vision that we would be together forever. everything i have done to help myself has not worked, or it gave me temporary relief. i feel horrible because everyone on this website is taking time out their day to respond and its not working. i feel my prayers arent being heard at times. i want a sign from God thats as clear as day, that smacks me in the face and sets my brain on the right path, something to ease my mind.
Don’t feel bad that you are taking time from us. That’s why we are here. Im here today for you and maybe tomorrow you will be here for someone else. None of are professionals. We don’t have textbook answers but we know how you feel and the troubles that plague you. We can only give you what knowledge we have from living it ourselves.
My opinion is that you are here, maybe that’s a sign. I’m the last one to give advice on faith and God right now, long story but I can say I don’t think God is going to smack you in the face with a sign. He’s a little more subtle than that. Things come into your mind and your life and it’s your choice whether to use what is given to you. That’s just my humble opinion.
Im not trying to sound ignorant but why does God not give clear signs. Especially after ive tried so hard to understand what hes putting me through. i was thinking if i can make it to saturday(st elias feast day) i can go to confession and talk about my sins. i havent done it in years and since st elias feast day was like a second birthday to me, it should be a day i get even closer to God no matter how small the step.
We have free will to do whatever we want. God wont just say this is what you need to do. He puts things before you to show you the way. It’s of your choosing to find it. I’m not explaining this very well. Here’s an example, you were going to do the deed(don’t want to use the word, could be a trigger for someone) and this group was put before you. You could have said forget it I’m not going to bother. But you chose to come here. And you found loving caring people to help you. You made the choice. But the opportunity was put before you. Does that make sense? I don’t want to get into this too much here. But if you want to discuss it more you send me a message.
Don't feel terrible; we have all been where you are and can help you through it. We come here to help as well as be helped, so don't feel bad about taking our time.
I would suggest you try your Doctor, he will help you find a medication which will help, but they don't work instantly, some take several weeks before they build up enough in your system to make you feel a difference, so, patience is a virtue here!
I'm not sure God answers all prayers, because I feel he wants you to not rely on him too heavily, but to make your own way, not lean too heavily on him. That is why we have free will.
Cheers, Midori
Hey.. You are not alone. You’re never alone. I was guided to your post. What state are you located so I can help find you the help you need?
Ny, specifically nyc in the queens borough
May the Lord lay his healing hand upon you and give you peace. Blessings and love xx
I think you see by all the posts that there are a lot of people just like you. It’s not a rare thing. It takes vigilance to find what works for you. You are definitely not alone. Yes we are just nicknames and we can’t reach out and hug you. But I don’t have “real “ friends either. But my online friends are there for me. Day or night someone is always here to listen. I prefer talking here than to my mean mouth husband!!
You are not alone. We are all here to listen. I have been where you are many times. Don't give up. Take it one day at a time. Lots of self care. It will get easier. Think of the positive things you have have not the negative. Every one is different so what works for one might not work for another. You just have to keep trying. I am so glad you are here.
TW again. No one was home , so i didnt find anyone stopping me from leaving home. Im currently just wallowing and feeling empty and numb in a way. What do i do? This depression is eating me alive & i want it to stop.
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