Healing is Hard

[Fall1224]

Healing is hard. Trying to no longer be a people pleaser is hard. Trying to not go out of my way for people who do not reciprocate is hard. Trying to put myself first is hard. It is breaking my heart at times. Realizing that without my effort certain people should not consume my attention or be in my life.

[Hidden]

how would you rate self-esteem?

[Fall1224 in reply to Hidden]

Low self-esteem

[Hidden in reply to Fall1224]

That’s why I was a people pleaser

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Once I realized I was.

Then I could change it

[Fall1224 in reply to Hidden]

How were you able to change being a people pleaser?

[Hidden in reply to Fall1224]

Well for me, I spent most of my life not really knowing how deep seated it was for me the need to place others. Once I finally did, it’s like many things, once you recognize, it’s easier to work on and understand how it can be sometimes detrimental to your life.

go get me wrong being a people pleaser can be one of the best things we ever do in this world, but to spend a lifetime as I did trying to feed my low self-esteem by pleasing, which for me, ended up being people not really caring about me and using me overtime since they felt this weakness. Well when I really needed them , when I was sick with anxiety and depression, they weren’t there for me.

they threw me away

When I learned that I got away from all those people specially family members that just don’t give a shit about me and I’m finding people that do and life is good now

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m so tired of proofing I guess. My apologies

[Fall1224 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for sharing this!

[Hidden in reply to Fall1224]

Your oh so welcome Fall

Go get em

[tommy2toes]

With your opening statement, you hit the nail right on the head. Obviously, our cognisant selves realise that trying to be everything to everybody on all occasions is a recipe for disaster and a life of frustration, because everybody around us thinks "normally."

Accordingly, to avoid conflict, to have things go smoothly, or for a myriad of other reasons, we always make our own needs subservient. But the truth of the matter is, doing that only results in our being taken advantage of, being walked over, being disrespected, etc. However, as we get older, actually changing how we interact with others and setting our own emotional boundaries (and then protecting them) is very, very difficult.

All in all, sometimes it sux to be us.

[AlwaysSweet in reply to tommy2toes]

OMG yes. Gets me so emotional reading comments that feels so close to home. Especially setting those emotional boundaries. Even tho they feel let setting a bomb off, that just blows up in my face. (Which causes the anxiety attacks).

[AlwaysSweet]

OMG... You are me. I am you! 😭 It's hard I know it. Like where do you start.? Trying to talk about it to someone who doesn't understand they would say " well you can just say no". It's not that simple at all. And when you do try to take a step back it's like everyone running around lost because they don't realize how much they're depending on you. So you keep doing everything to make it easier on them. Thinking it's the right thing to do because it just feels right, and why not maybe I might need them one day. But feels like a moment for you is hard to come. Guilty of having a little me time. Trying to do something for yourself, feels like it's getting in the way of making sure someone else gets what they need done. And it really shouldn't be that way.

[AlwaysSweet in reply to AlwaysSweet]

I'm also new here and trying my best to be a little more open. I'm so tired of feeling the same way. I'm here if you ever want to DM me and talk. 🫂

[BrainIsFull]

Healing from these emotional issues is soooooo hard! But it it is so worth it! 💚💚💚

[Midori]

Put yourself in Number 1 position, it helps when you are trying to change the mindset. Eventually you will find the balance.

Cheers, Midori