does anyone have any tips on grief

[Danzdanz123]

My grief is so painful it turns into fear and the fear make it feel like I will die from the anxiety. How do I get through the grieving process without fear?

[Gingerbreadman1978]

the grieving process well there is no easy answer to that one everyone is different for me it’s the worst time ever did not have fear just the feeling of loss and all the questions going round in your head what is it you fear or is that just the feeling you get ? Things do get easier it’s a rocky road but does get better for me life is one big diary and at midnight the page turns over and yesterday is just a memory that you will never get back so today is a new day live for today as yesterday is gone not sure if that’s the answer your looking for but wanted to reply to you the best I can good luck gingerbread man 👍

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Gingerbreadman1978]

I think because I’m experience anxiety and panic attacks from high stress levels every thought and emotion is hightened I do believe I have a hard time adjusting to major life events, this one is quite scary I’m questioning my reality existence and petrified of the moments before death.

[RCCOLA in reply to Danzdanz123]

I think about death but what bothers me is the after question. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to RCCOLA]

yeh it’s scary my therapist says it’s your imagination running wiled and something we don’t need to be afraid of right now, it’s kind of hard to shrug off when you have feared the inevitable. The best way is to feel it and then tell yourself you aren’t bothered about it even if you are.

[Agora1 in reply to Danzdanz123]

Danzdanz123, I have found in my personal experience that fear of most things can

be lowered if we know more about it. When Anxiety use to frighten me to death,

I found by turning anxiety inside out and learning everything about both the

physical and emotional experiences. After all, it's the unknown that is the base

trigger in everything.

Same with death, something none of us have control over. However, in reading

and learning about the effects dying has on us, can make it less fearful. I found that

YouTube has a massive section on these questions, concerns and fear that are fully

explain in a non frightening way.

Death can be a peaceful transfer for us, if we don't fear it.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

There’s a Bereavement Care support forum on HU. It’s very helpful to share with others experiencing grief. Grief has its own life. And I haven’t found a way around it. I just have to walk through it.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

thank you I’ll joking that forum i would just like to feel it without fear I love and embrace emotions I think I’m just so sensitive to them because I push them away.

[mizzou7016]

unfortunately...or fortunately....no one can tell you how to grieve....grief is something that may never completely go away.....I highly recommend the one day at a time motto...wake up...show up...do the best that you can......realize that you've done the best that you can for that day....and make sure you wake up the next day and do it all over again...

[Tealpillow in reply to mizzou7016]

Well said!!

[mizzou7016 in reply to Tealpillow]

Thanks Teal......been living my life that way a lot lately.....about to crack under the pressure though...

[Danzdanz123 in reply to mizzou7016]

thank you I guess you get use to it with time

[mizzou7016 in reply to Danzdanz123]

Or you never really get used to it you just learn good coping mechanisms

[mizzou7016 in reply to Danzdanz123]

or you may never get used to it....you learn to live with the feelings and emotions...the pain will always be some part of it...again grief doesn't have a timetable

[Turnipgirl]

My advice is to have a good cry when you need one as that helps and also time helps to ease the pain.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Turnipgirl]

I’ve been crying everyday mourning not just my gran but myself as I don’t feel like me right now but again that’s just another feeling.

[b1b1b1]

Grief is unbelievably painful. With physical pain there can be a treatment or cure. With grief only time may make it less. The amount of time is different for everyone, and it can take a long time. Try the HU bereavement group, as suggested above. There are also private grief counsellors. I did try them, however, and did not find them very helpful.

Your anxiety, however, may be a different question. Do you know what specifically you are anxious about. There can be financial issues, living issues, fear of being alone, fear of dying yourself, etc. A psychologist can be helpful with the anxiety part of your problem. x

[Danzdanz123 in reply to b1b1b1]

it is very though and I would just prefer not be fearful of it but I will have to accept it

[Teaching]

It's hard. I'm going through the same and harder when you are alone. Keep speaking to yourself. Promise yourself you'll get over it.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Teaching]

I’m so sorry to hear this, I felt strength in your words though and it made me feel strong as well so thank you

[catsrock]

Grief is so hard. The main thing I've found is it's better to feel what you need to feel, cry, scream, hit a pillow, whatever rather than trying to repress (not sure that's the right word) what you're feeling. It's also so not linear and has many ups and downs. The best book I've found on grief is: It's OK, that You're Not OK by Megan Devine. This is her website: refugeingrief.com/

[Danzdanz123 in reply to catsrock]

thank you for this yesterday after a panic attack I cried and grabbed one of her bags and held it it felt like a nice cry and not a horrible one thank you I’ll give that a read!

[designguy]

I think we all experience grief and process it differently and the first time I experienced really deep emotional grief I wasn't prepared for the depth and the amount of pain, it felt like the world stopped and life was being sucked right out of me and I wondered if it would ever end. I knew enough that I had no control over it so I surrendered to it and let it happen and trusted that it would end and it did eventually and I felt better. There is still sadness but not the intense grief. It really is something you can't control which is probably why you are having anxiety about it.

If you continue to have issues with it you might find a grief counselor to help you process and work through it. There is also info/tips for it on youtube you can check out.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to designguy]

thank you so much, the panic attacks make me cry and I need to cry I don’t think I’m use to it, it feels like the world has stopped and I question it’s almost every 5 minutes nothing feels the same. Sorry to hear it was so painful for you you must have loved them very much

[designguy in reply to Danzdanz123]

I don't think any of us are prepared for our first experience with deep grief and things won't feel the same as you're going through it. i have experienced grief before but this last time it was over the loss of my beloved fur girl that I adored and I knew adored me, we had such a wonderful connection plus it was unconditional love which is even harder to let go of. I use to stuff and repress my emotions but not anymore. It also helped that I had started to make progress on healing my anxiety/panic by learning that it is a paradox and the more we struggle with it the more it persists so the solution is to surrender to it and allow it to pass through us just like grief and it will dissipate. Our fear makes us think things will stay the same but the reality is that it is always constantly changing and so are we.

[Weatherwoman]

Read all these posts about Grief & helps, a little. It's been almost 8 mos. since my Sig. Other passed, and it seems that I even feel worse. I am, also, going through a BIG change in that I have to leave my home, and cannot afford anyplace. I will be staying with my Brother, then move to another state. That on top of the grief is making matters worse. Grief is different & different time-tables for everyone. I do have a Grief Counselor, and a Grief Support Group, but have to find another as I will be leaving the state I now live in. I shall try some of the pointers given in these posts. Thank you!