How to get past my trust issues?

[ashleybakerr01]

Does anyone have any tips on how I can work on my trust issues and slowly get past it?? Ice ruined quite a few relationships with a few close friends because of it 😔. I just constantly think if someone has messed me over before, they'll do it again. And I can't trust because of these things. Anything would be great! Because I'm so tired of ruining relationships with the few close people I had and driving them all away 😕

[cashew78]

hello, I have no special insights to offer beyond the idea that everyone's struggle is different. With that in mind, in my life I really had to examine why I felt I couldn't trust people, how I got to that point, and openly challenge my thoughts and actions. It's not easy, and it will take time. It does get easier when you start to notice and know what to look for in your thoughts, what drives those notions, and seeing how you can potentially change or tweek reaction so as to not either push someone away or let someone bad in. If you can start to notice or see these things, you've already won half the battle and are in a good spot. Be kind to yourself; this isn't easy. I still struggle with it all the time...

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to cashew78]

Thank you for the kind response

[corgi_fan817]

Hello Ashley. Trust is hard. It makes us vulnerable. My thought about trust is that you are free to give it or take it away. It is your emotion. The hard part is whether or not the person you trust will cherish it. It takes self-confidence and a belief in ourselves to be strong when we are vulnerable.

[Leah919 in reply to corgi_fan817]

I have trust issues too

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to corgi_fan817]

I can't bring myself to be vulnerable with anyone again...I got screwed over when I let someone in once .. completely broke me at my worst

[corgi_fan817 in reply to ashleybakerr01]

When I think about this, I think about the phrase “finding your tribe.” People who are going the same direction as you, feel the same as you. Looking back on my life I had few friends but many acquaintances. Sadly, I never kept up with my friendships. I have friends, if I pick up the phone we could just talk even though we haven’t seen each other in years. My therapist says that happens in life, people will come and go.

The other day I saw an obituary for someone who mentored me when I was younger. I already guessed he had passed as he was in his 90s so the obituary confirmed it. I remember the last time we spoke many years ago. The conversation was just odd, like we both knew our paths were going in different directions. While it is sad, I think we both knew this was the right thing.

I mention this as encouragement to you that people will come into your life again. I believe it will happen for you. I am hopeful to find your tribe.

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to corgi_fan817]

Thabk you

[Hidden]

Hi there💙I struggle with this right now. What helps me is trying to pause and ask myself if there is any evidence of betrayal (in friendships or romantic relationships). Are there facts? But I know how tough this is especially when you’ve been wronged in the past. Don’t beat yourself up because trust is so fragile and you have a right to feel the need to protect it. But if your gut tells you something doesn’t feel right, like when someones words and actions don’t add up, trust your intuition! For example I had this friend who claimed she wanted to hang out so bad, yet she would have a pattern of cancelling plans the day of each time. Weird right? If a friend has betrayed you, forgive them but you do not have to hang out with them again even do they ask you to. I hope you find healthy relationships once you get to my age (30s)🙏🏽💎

[Leah919 in reply to Hidden]

My father is in his 80s and he almost always cancels. My stepmother is the head of the household there, and can be controlling. I don't see them often. I always have to travel to see relatives these days because they are the ones who don't cancel.

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to Hidden]

I make plans and sometimes cancel last minute, but only because of severe anxiety or how they treat me and I realize I'm usually ignored when I see and hangout with them. I don't have many friends anymore

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to ashleybakerr01]

I also try to forgive but I can't forget...and it kills me

[Leah919]

I have trust issues. Especially after trying to find support, then getting rejected.

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to Leah919]

THISS

[ashleybakerr01 in reply to Leah919]

I get told I'm insecure or mocked and said I'm ridiculous