Who am I aside from my depression/anxiety?

[Stargirl5]

I’ve been stuck in a cycle of dissociation/ depression/ anxiety for like 3 years and last summer realized that I had lost myself in a relationship with my best friend. Whenever I feel better now, I don’t really know where to start with being a person again. Like I feel like I don’t know myself and I don’t know how to form any new relationships bc it feels like I haven’t really been myself for so long. Is this a normal thing? Like I’m 18 and haven’t dated for a while and the only main things in my life (due to mental health) has been school and doing things very occasionally with my family/ best friend.

[Ellamaye]

You are very young and your close people are obviously who you look to for guidance. The fact you joined HU and reached out independently means alot so keep in mind that you can outsource information x you will be OK x

[tommy2toes]

I read what you wrote and I heard in your voice some of the issues that also impact me. I’ve been overseas for over 30 years, and to get along where I now live, for a long time, I submerged my true identity (my own sense of self-love and independence). Looking back now, I realize that was a mistake.

In that you are young but nevertheless feel somewhat isolated, all I can suggest is that you find opportunities to meet new people and perhaps make new friendships. However, only do so on your own terms. To close the deal (to make a new friend or acquaintance) there is no need to try and be somebody you are not. If you do so, it will catch up to you at some time in the future. Instead, try and develop confidence and a sense of love in who you are as an individual. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Even learn to love yourself in the mirror. Once you have achieved that, there will be nothing holding you back.

Best,of luck

t2t (tommy2toes)

[Stargirl5 in reply to tommy2toes]

Thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate it. I’ve been trying to be better at setting boundaries and getting more comfortable with being myself for sure, as I think it will be a big part in feeling better. When I hang out with that one friend (even tho we fixed things) it’s like my body and mind switches back to the person I was and dissociates for no reason. It really stunts my healing everytime. Things in our friendship were rlly toxic for a long time but it changed after a confrontation and is much better now but it’s like my body can’t process that it’s different/ better and makes me feel horrible for acting weird around them for no reason.

[Cookie2217]

Hi there. You are so much more than your mental illness and stressors in your life Star Girl. You are in college and are doing things occasionally with your family and best friend so give yourself the benefit of the doubt and feel good about the fact that you do things at least sometimes with them. Yes sometimes we lose ourselves within relationships. I was told some years ago that I always began my sentences about myself with I'm Paul's wife or within the context of a couple so I lost myself identity within my relationship. They gave me some homework and told me to refer to myself singularly from now on although I've been married for 18 years to my husband Paul and together with him for 20 years so it is hard to recognize that I'm a separate person other than being a part of a couple you know what I'm saying. I love being part of my couple and even though relationships have Ebbs and flows if you find someone that loves you for who you are you are a very lucky person. I've been told that many times that my husband loves me so much and he does so I have the beauty of that relationship. Try and concentrate on your current studies because college is a great time to celebrate Who You Are maybe join a college group or something like that maybe get a job on campus or take a class that you're interested like painting or drawing. Just make sure to celebrate the successes even if they seem small they aren't a win is a win. Wishing you peace and happiness in your journey my young friend.