Who am I please?

[msneverending]

So that sounds like a deep philosophical question but really, I just don’t know who I really am anymore. Ever since I was small, I seem to be doing things that everyone else wanted me to and be the way everyone else wanted me to be. I wanted people to be happy so I went along. And now at 40, I have a qualification in a field I never wanted, a job in a field that I never liked, and it seems to me over the years, everything I do, a marriage with someone who has certain conservative ideals of how I should be and with whom I’m scared sometimes of being the person I’m comfortable being, and I’m second guessing as to what people will think of me.

I don’t know whether I do things because I think that’s what’s expected of me, I keep second-guessing my every small action, I see-saw wildly from trying to be like someone in my position and trying to tell everyone, eff you, this is who I am supposed to be.

I’ve lost myself, I don’t know which is really me and which is just trying to be like a confused chameleon trying to fit in the world. I’m respected in the field I’m in, but sometimes I wonder where I’d be if I’d gone the way I wanted to which is so far from the job and qualifications I have that’s they’re not even relatable.

How do I get myself back? Or is too late?

[Bird_in_Hand]

It's never too late ❤ to find one's self is a dedicated task that even Buddhists, yogi masters, and any teenager have trouble with 🤣 I just hoped some humor would help. Maybe try some things that are new? That's what I've been wanting to work on. Art. Graffiti, horse riding. Talking to people. Flying a kite. Writing, reading. Either way, good luck and have fun 🕉

[EEMO]

I don't know what to answer first. So I'll start with "Is it too late" Hell. O it's never too late for either People on this site and people who aren't. As to Who are you? Only you can answer that . Your allowed to have your own opinion on things, they need not coincide with your Partner. Sometimes your stand and or opinion on issues might change. That's fine to. In my opinion it's Normal in some respects. Stop being so hard on Yourself.

[jesca18]

I can relate to this sooo much! My father paid for my college education so I had to choose a major he approved of. It’s not that I didn’t like what I majored in but it was definitely not my first ,second, or even third choice. So I often wonder what life would be like if I had my first choice. I too am working a job unrelated to my field. I was also told who I could and could not date (but that’s a story for another time lol) I know he and others mean well and want the best for me but it’s not their life to live, it’s mine! I wasn’t allowed to be me. I was so lost. I completely didn’t know who I was because I was a people pleaser and always seeking approval. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching past year or so trying to find myself. I also do a lot of second guessing on even minor things; I have a very difficult time making decisions.

I know I didn’t have much advice to offer but just wanted you to know there are people out there that can relate. Best of luck to you on your self discovery!

[Magicdreamer]

Parts psychology.... EMDR Therapy or Somantic psychology. Xx

[gerrerd]

You are a spirit in a body, problems are all in the mind, connect with your spirit that is who you are, meditate on your inner being ! the world and your problems are a illusion of the mind. x

[Cassie2178]

I think many of us feel this way - at least those of us who are people pleasers... I'm now 48 and have made major life changes. I'm a Christian so I went to Christian counseling. There I was introduced to the Boundaries book by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend. This book changed my life. I now have boundaries about who I am, what I like, what I don't like, what I'll do, allow, believe, etc.. This is not an easy road to travel and you will encounter people who will guilt you and make you believe you are foolish, but over time you will find yourself and in the process you may lose people. I could have never done this on my own. We need support to change. If you can read the Boundaries book and learn how to be brave, your life will change and you will be more content. Prayers, because I know first hand how helpless one feels when they decide to change for the better.