My Mother has left to go back home . - Anxiety and Depre...

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My Mother has left to go back home .

Roukaya profile image
19 Replies

I often write on this website seeking support .

I have just left my Mother at the Airport and I am returning home .

We took a taxi and the taxi driver hardly spoke and once we reached the Airport he demanded I pay the fixed fee before he allowed us to take our luggage .

I left Mum at the Airport and I can see how sad , weak and tired she is becoming .

I am greatly saddened to see my Mother struggle and I have asked her to return back to U.K..

As for me I have a Landlord and Tenant paper to sit by the end of June and the search resumes to gain employment.

As I have tried for many years , I am worn out with struggle and anxiety and my genealogy lack of self confidence

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Roukaya profile image
Roukaya
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19 Replies
Agora1 profile image
Agora1

Roukaya, I sense the sadness you feel today.

Sending you a warm hug :) xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toAgora1

Thanks for reply .

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

You mother is getting older as we all are.

I think you miss your mother despite knowing she is a narcissist because she is the only emotional connection you have. You sound very lonely.

As I and others have said many times before you need to start making more connections with others then you won't rely on her so much.

This is done by the usual methods of joining a group in which you are interested in ie rambling, church etc. How about a local group for Muslims - I bet there is one.

I do get the impression with you that you find making relationships with others difficult? There is nothing to be ashamed of about that as many do. Some of us never learned good social skills but its never too late to learn them.

I can't remember if you have had any therapy but it might be a good idea? But you must be open to change otherwise nothing will and you will be wasting your time and money.

Please don't give me the blanket response where nothing gets through to you and you find excuses or reasons not to consider any advice and dismiss it out of hand.

Remember nothing will change unless you are open to it. If not then there isn't much any of us can do to help.

If you want to use the site just to vent that's fine but it might be a good idea to say that in your posts? Then we all know where we stand. Take care Roukaya.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply tohypercat54

To Hypercat

Thank you for your reply and I will try not to give a generic response .

It is very true that my Mother is all encompassing and demanding and there is an over dependency from me as I have no one else but my Mother.

I have tried Counselling and I was told there is an intense and over dependency from me since my Father died back in 2018.

I have had Counselling and I was told to give myself a chance and not suffer from such low self confidence and self belief .

I have postponed my visit to my Mother until I sit for a Landlord and Tenant Paper at the end of June

I have joined the local gym , plus a social group in the Midlands and if my budget allows I try to go in solo trips or holidays .

I am under pressure to find employment as I am seeking to move away from the area I live in as I have no friends or connections since 2018.

You have advised to try alternatives and I am doing so

Age seems to be a factor as to whether I get through to interview but with effort I do get interviews.

Thanks for your constructive advice and for highlighting the over dependency I have with my Mother.

Also for no reason at all after seven years my neighbours have stopped talking to me since I put a Ring camera in front of my door as I was suspicious they might have placed a mysterious package infront of my door.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply toRoukaya

A mysterious package? Why would they? And what do you think it could be?

I am glad you have joined local groups. Well done.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply tohypercat54

Good evening

I live in Flat and some residents now evicted have been anti social .

My neighbours who have become hostile for some unknown reason have changed because I put a Ring Camera to prevent anyone else planting a suspicious bag of rubbish in front of my door .

Since the Ring camera installed , there has been no reoccurring rubbish bag infront of my front door .

How are you ?

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply toRoukaya

Had a tear in my skin because its thin. My sciatica is making itself known. And to top it all I have a chest infection and feel awful. Thanks for asking.

Apart from that I am fine. lol

Aloneandupset profile image
Aloneandupset in reply tohypercat54

I have like moderate to severe sciatica (meaning I think I can manage it pretty well most of the time but every now and then I'll like pop a disc out or smth and then I can't stand up straight for a few wks). I don't think I have any advice you haven't heard before but I empathize.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply toAloneandupset

Thanks. Sciatica is very painful isn't it.

Mine is caused by spinal stenosis as there are only 5 discs in the back and I have lost at least 2. It presses down on the nerve canal just at your tailbone and apparently a disc can also pop out a bit too catching the nerve. I get it from my back all the way down my leg and into my toes. The pain is awful and makes me cry out.

I can't walk more than a few yards without pain so use a mobile scooter now. Well I am 70 I guess. I am just grateful not to have anything which might kill me even though I wish it would sometimes. Lol

I found what helps me is gentle massage of the affected areas. At night keeping the bad leg straight and resting on the other leg. If it starts jangling when you are out walk really slowly to give it a chance to gently move it.

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie in reply toRoukaya

Hi again Roukaya,

I'm just snooping. Why would neighbours, good for seven years, have placed rubbish in front of your door? It could be anyone. I would raise the subject with them, in the hopes of keeping good relationships.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toMaggieSylvie

Good morning

I really do not know who placed the rubbish infront of my door .Since I put the Ring alarm , they stopped talking.

Christmas came and no Christmas card and during a water shortage ,the young neighbour slammed the door as I was talking to the plumber

These are a young couple and they have been hostile since December and since she has started work , she has changed

She was once singing at my Ring Alarm bell saying she wants to buy. Big Big House

I think because they are both working they think they are better however at least own my own home and they remain as Tenants

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie in reply toRoukaya

You could be working from home. How are they to know? They are behaving childishly.

Florida1959 profile image
Florida1959

Mum is getting older - we all are.

Do you miss your mother, what is your relationship like, taxi drivers are taxi drivers, full stop!

Is she the only family you have ? You sound lonely.

If I were you I would get your exam out of the way - that is a big stressor.

Maybe make more connections locally ? I hate RING doorbells, LOL

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toFlorida1959

Good morning

I hope you are well.

As Hypercat has explained, I seem to have a Co dependency with my Mother and inability to make friends but one lost contact came back this morning .

I realise it is essential to find local and kind friends and not wallow in loneliness and self pity .

How are you ?

Florida1959 profile image
Florida1959 in reply toRoukaya

Sorry I don't read others responses, I go with my heart.

Very well, lots of crap, but surviving my biggest lesson was learning to say no.

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie

I am sorry you had such a surly taxi driver. Thank goodness they are in the minority, but it just makes the sadness of saying goodbye all the worse.

It sounds as if you are both worn out. It is the wrong time of year to be visiting this dreary country. Much better in the summer. Good luck with your paper and I hope it is less of a struggle than in the past.🤗

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toMaggieSylvie

Good morning I hope you are well.

How are managing?

MaggieSylvie profile image
MaggieSylvie

As the morning gets going, I manage better and better. How are your studies?

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply toMaggieSylvie

Good morning Sounds very similar to my Mother.

She gets better as from the morning

As for my studies they have been neglected.

Since I purchased the two units in Oct 22 , as I have not been able to find employment, this has impacted in my studies.

However, I have a deadline by which to sit one paper by the end of June and one in December.

I have read a few chapters before my Mother arrived in December and I was not able to fully concentrate whilst my Mother was here and I can resume and do four or five chapters a week .

It is to study for Landlord and Tenant and Conveyancing.

I will simply have to start reading as there are no more excuses .

Thank you for asking

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