running out of options

[booksandblankets]

I'm new to this space, so I figured I'd post a lil summary of my current vibes.

I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, and borderline. In the last couple weeks, I have fallen way into the Big Sad. My SH & SI thoughts are difficult to ignore, I barely leave my bed, I'm falling behind at work and in grad school, I'm crying all the time... You get the picture. I was going to get back into group, but the group doesn't actually have any members right now, and all the community groups around me are during my work hours.

I'm currently keeping myself safe by counting down the days till my next tattoo appointment (13, if you were wondering), which gives me a concrete reason to not SH until then. But then what? I still have homework, I still have depression, and I still can't get out of bed. My support system is limited, and I love my husband, but as a 'normie' with mild anxiety, he doesn't really comprehend what it's like, and he's preoccupied with everything on his own plate.

It's hard to contemplate doing the work when I can't find a first step that feels safe enough. It's hard to envision getting through an entire week without any additional supports in place. It's hard to have survived over and over again, just to have to keep doing it without any relief. It's hard.

[Agora1]

Hi booksandblankets, I know and understand how difficult it is to keep repeating the

same pattern day after day. It is not only wearing to the mind but also the body.

I also realize how difficult it is in having family who can't completely comprehend

what we go through. I am glad that you found this safe community. Even with our

own mental issues, we are always ready to extend a supportive hand to someone

else. You are more than Welcome here. Know that there is always someone on site

24/7 world wide. You are not alone anymore. xx

[booksandblankets in reply to Agora1]

♥️

[gajh]

Hello and Welcome. I am glad you found your way here. There is so much support available.

[booksandblankets in reply to gajh]

♥️

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the community. You will find great support here.

Despite your own struggles I've read your replies to others. They are quite supportive and show you have the base foundation to get through the tough times. I hope things get better for you soon.

What type of tattoo are you getting? I'm always curious about people's choices. The art work tells a story. I hope you feel comfortable sharing

🐬

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Dolphin14]

This is one of my favorite questions for people. I used to think that I would like "TRUTH" across my shoulders. Now I have learned that black and white thinking is a serious problem for me 😁. I would do "shades of gray" but that may have been ruined by the books. Now maybe I would just get "Gray Area" or a cloud of gray somewhere or something. Everyone's truth is different and there are so many reasons people do what they do, we can't know them all unless we actually are them☮️

[Dolphin14 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Love your last thought it's so true

I like the gray cloud

🐬

[booksandblankets in reply to Dolphin14]

I have several in mind, so I'll get however many my artist is willing to do. One is a bouquet of my grandma's favorite flowers with a quote from my grandpa's favorite prayer. One is a line drawing of me and my siblings. Some are small finger tattoos. One is a Bible verse in my old therapist's handwriting. One is 'be still' on my spine. One is the hat/snake/elephant from The Little Prince.

[Dolphin14 in reply to booksandblankets]

That's so awesome. They each mean so much.

Thank you for sharing

🐬

[LoveforAll41]

Hi booksandblankets, I admire you so much where you are working so hard on school and work and suffering. It sounds to me like you are very driven so I hope that you are able to have compassion for yourself. I am sorry that your husband doesn't understand... it is a crazy thing to understand how we can be so hard on ourselves if your not. (I am so jealous of all the "normies"😜)

I always recommend "Feeling Great" by David Burns and the Feeling Good podcast. We keep our anxiety and accept it and what it is telling us, and this in turn dials it down. I wish you peace, hope, and strength.☮️

[booksandblankets]

♥️

[Coffeeshop]

You're right. It is hard and I feel you. My SI has been really bad lately too, so you are not alone. I have virtually no support system which is why I'm here and it's good you did too. My wife also doesn't get it, even though she thinks she does. I understand how difficult and lonely it is when your spouse doesn't support you. I wish I could go to group too, but like you, they're during work hours. I've thought about meet ups. Is that something you would try? Feel free to PM me if you need to talk more.