Reaching out

[Weelon]

Does anyone have someone that they go to for help & then they get frustrated like it’s hard work for them to talk to you. I only reach out when I get extremely low. If tables were turned I’m always there listening & helping

[litethatnevergoesout]

hello weelon. I do believe the majority of people do not like to be presented with anyone’s problems regardless of how tight their bond is. I see this all over my life in my ‘old friends’, siblings and people who are in the business of even caring. I think the frustration and inability to help or do so partly attentive minus an attitude or without obvious signs of irritation is due to the lack of having a foundation to really give a crap. being close to someone doesn’t make them a good candidate to turn to in times stress, they can’t or are unable or just don’t want to do it. they’re bothered by it. thus the signifier ‘Fair weather friends’.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

There are beautiful loving compassionate caring people that listen and care and help. you’re more likely to find them here on HU than in your home. .. or even your drs office.

[Weelon in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

True, you do get a more supportive response from this kind of platform. Thank you.

[Craigliving4Jane in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

my exact observations and experiences also

[Artistfriend]

I hear what you're saying, I feel that way from time to time about my support people. I try not to take it personally and give them space. Everyone has their own struggles whether they share them much or not, I always figure people have less energy for me because it's going into managing something in their own lives

[Weelon in reply to Artistfriend]

That's true, most people are going through their own pain. I have one person say that they're always there when I need them but not totally true. When you confide in them they manage to turn it to be about them. It takes a lot for me to ask for help. I just have to stop asking certain people.

[MidnightBriarRose]

Hello, Weelon,

I understand exactly how you feel. As it is frustrating and hurtful, when you feel like you can’t even turn to your own friends for support. And, unfortunately, over the years, I’ve had to learn that the hard way. As I used to share too much of my struggles with my Parents and my Friends. And then if they didn’t like something I was doing, or not doing, they would use it against me later. Yet, I was so eager to talk to someone, about my struggles, that I just kept going back and talking to them again. And it took me a long time to get to a place, within myself, where I was ready to stop sharing too much with people. So I became much more selective about the people I chose to share things with.

With that being said, I also want to add that I find it particularly difficult to feel like I don’t have many people that I feel safe enough with to share my struggles with. And what really hurts is that my Best Girlfriend has never struggled with the same type of mental health issues that I do, so she doesn’t understand. As she has already been judgemental of her own Dad for struggling with depression. So I have had to make the decision to not even try to talk to her about the issues I struggle with, as I don’t want to put myself in a position to get judged by her. But it also makes me feel very alone in my friendship with her. As she is someone that is a very unemotional type of person and holds everything inside. And I am the opposite. As even when she has a problem, or is going through a terrible time in her life, she usually doesn’t talk about it. We are just two very different people, in that way and it is very difficult to deal with.

I think making it a point to make friends with other people that tend to be more like us, with regard to going through similar struggles……and that want to talk about it with others that they trust is really key in helping to solve this problem. But I would be very careful with who you share things with and make sure they are someone you can trust and feel 100% safe with, before you do. Please don’t make the same mistake I did and share with the wrong people. I wish you peace and all the best in everything you do. 💗

[Weelon in reply to MidnightBriarRose]

Thanks for sharing MidnightBriarRose.