Sigh. I feel so sad here in my parents' house. It's a new environment and I'm stuck here for a few months but I don't think I can handle more of this. I want to leave.
But I can't. I guess in a way I feel homesick. I miss my friends, my city. I miss my routine of being busy with college. I want uni to start so badly :((( y'all...is there no way to enjoy spending time alone with yourself ? I hate being alone.
Maybe you've lost the structure you had in your days in your old city. Try setting up your days with a program so you know what you'll be doing at each stage of the day. Gym, running, planning, studying whatever. It's also a good chance to show respect to your parents and help them rather than being resentful of the fact you're stuck there. If you're just vegetating at your parents you will end up depressed. Get busy. Act now. You are weakening by the day (as long as you are idling).
I mean, I do help them out wherever I can. And I love spending time with my family.. but they're all busy with their lives. I'm the only free one among them 
Also, so you're telling me all these negative thoughts and stresses and sadness is because I'm idle right ? If I get busy they'll reduce ? I was trying so hard to be busy y'know. Then suddenly this weird thought came out of nowhere and after obsessing over it for days and days now it's escalated so far I barely have any energy left. I'm sad. What if I can never live normally again ?
No, I'm not accusing you of being idle. All I know from experience is that when I am stuck somewhere I don't want to be I make sure to be as active and forward looking as possible. You have a bright future ahead of you which starts in a few months. So spend your time prepping for that. Get into peak physical shape, sort your things out and live in a clean and well organized environment. Of course you can live normally again! Yu have a loving family and a home where you belong. Look forward! You have lots to be excited about.
It's just....it feels so far away. What if in those months things get worse ? Or I get worse? What if something happens that I don't want happening ? I just...I want to go back. I want to start uni now. I want to be around people my age. I'm a workaholic so not having any work is so weird and it's stressing me out. I always get this way when I have long holidays and have to spend them visiting my family in this new town they moved to. I never like it here and the environment is so different. It's good at first but now that the initial excitement has died out it's all just...empty.
I am trying to get into shape though. I'm losing tons of weight and getting fit. But sigh...it's hard to enjoy when I feel so down and full of self doubt. Im usually such a secure person and now I'm questioning myself and it sucks bcs I'm someone who's always open to improve and better myself and I do but questioning myself for no reason over things that I don't find necessary feels terrible.
Sorry I keep being negative I'm just...having a bad day. Thank you so much for actually responding though.
Sounds like you're doing just fine. Life is all peaks and troughs and you'll realise that when you're older. Now is tough, as you're a workaholic stuck at home with nothing to do. I repeat; structure your time, aim for small tasks which improve yourself and leave yourself well prepared for Uni.
Don't lose the opportunity to show your parents/family how much you love them. Who knows when you will have a number of months to spend with them again.
You're right...if feels hard right now. I kind of want to leave. Desperate actually. But maybe I'm overthinking it. Maybe if I just... IGNORE the thoughts in my head, I'll be okay. I should just...push through. I'm still scared..but I guess I'll make it. Now really is tough but I have to keep busy.
Thank you.
Don't try to ignore the negative thoughts when they arrive. Just know what they are and be able to recognize them. You need to be able to compartmentalize those useless thoughts so that they don't get a chance to grow/take root.
Compartmentalise ? As in...I should just leave them be. And don't pay attention but accept that they'll be there for a while and get on with my day ?
Is that what you mean ?
I know what it’s like to have structure, and feel secure and like you’re a normal human being - and then to have that taken away. I lost my job 8 weeks ago, and this has triggered a period of intense anxiety for me. I’m so scared I’ll never find a job again. I’m also in the process of trying to repair the relationship with my boyfriend, and I’m scared I’ll screw that up. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever do anything right again.
Structure. When I still had my job, I had reached a point where I hated that job, but I had structure and interactions with other people (not to mention financial security.) I had lunch today with a friend from that job, and he reminded me just how bad things were at that job. I was miserable there, but now I’m frightened without that structure to my life. I need confidence and reassurance.
At least you have a definite date when uni starts. You have that to look forward to; you can count off days on a calendar or something. One of the worst things about this period in my life is not knowing when it will end.
You're right...hey, I really hope you find a job. Trust me, you will. We'll all get through this together.
Honestly, holidays have never been easy for me. I genuinely hate them. Always have, always will. They're boring and I hate being idle. I guess this is just an overextended one so things feel worse because usually holidays last for 1 1/2 months only. Sigh...I'm tired. And I really just want to get back on track, go uni, make new friends, feel a little better, get immersed in my course.
For now, I emailed my lecturer asking him to give me work. He's probably not gonna be surprised because back in college I used to stay until 7pm studying and I'd come to college even on holidays just to sit and study. I hate being at home. The house feels weird and empty. Even with my family there. Maybe because it's just so big 😂😂 they're all in different places and I think my brothers are getting tired of me always following them around like a lost puppy looking for company.
Hope you’re okay x
Hopefully I will be 
though right now...I don't know.
Do they have anything like meetup.com where you can hang with people with similar interests? What about volunteer work?
I don't know...I don't know much about this place tbh. It's a really small town. All people do here for fun is walk in the park or go to the city (which is much like a bigger town tbh not very developed). People my age already started university in January and I didn't because my course only starts in September. Not many people study what I do around here.
I asked my parents if I could start classes. Brush up on my German and French. But...they take students by semesters and it's already halfway through. I feel stuck in a corner
Iam here to talk to you
we can chat me and you
need someone to talk to . 
I really need someone to talk to.
Someone to talk to. 
Anxious, need someone to talk to
Need someone to talk too
