Consumed by my thoughts

[lemacabre]

Greetings everyone!

I have been plagued by my thoughts that my partner is cheating on me.

I travel often for work and we have been apart for 2 years. We spend everyday together. We sleep together - connected by phone. During sleep I’m often awoken by “women moaning” and it’s as if he is speaking to someone. I’m exhausted by these thoughts and can’t think straight.

Could it just be “porn” for him to jerk off too? Or a “camgirl” - that would be cheating imo, being sexual with someone else.

I have asked him multiple times and he kept denying. I’ve even come to the point of “audio recording our sleep”. I thought I was going crazy and he calls me many nasty names and mostly says I’m really annoying with all these baseless accusations. I feel I’m going crazy.

What do I do?

[Celtic27]

Hi there im sorry but other than him telling you he is doing what you think is happening is occuring then trusting him is the hardest thing and could break you up if you cant break this cycle then things cant get any better have you tried counciling if not give it a try all the best i wish you well !

[lemacabre in reply to Celtic27]

Thank you for your kind text, dear Celtic.

I have been seeing a psychologist but have not presented her this issue that I’m currently facing. I have however mentioned several similar issues. Her response was, you are just looking for something to be angry at him.

See, besides MDD I have also been diagnosed with BPD. Abandonment issues is a big thing. I feel despite numerous red flags against him, I fear being alone and that’s what’s causing me to continue this relationship. It’s not all that bad being in this relationship, I would say I’m 70% happy most of the time. All I need to know is the truth and the need to know..it’s driving me crazy.

I’m at a loss. I really don’t know where to go from here, my next appointment with psych is in mid February 🙂

[lemacabre]

TSLover! I get such a good vibe from you, thank you for reaching out! 🥰

With regards to the question if I have spoken to him in person, believe it or not, I actually have. He just kept evading the question and kept saying that he is not a cheater and that he will not admit smthg that wasn’t true. He also kept saying that he is the most loyal person I will probably ever meet and stuff.

That’s why it is so tough to end this. Maybe it is all in my head? Maybe it’s trauma from me getting divorced and not being able to trust men? I really don’t know, Lover. 😢

[Hidden]

here is my humble 67 year old man opinion. 2 years is forever in a committed relationship to be apart. If there is love, loyalty, commitment and friendship then you two need to be together in the same town at least somehow someway. Whether that means jobs change or whatever it takes. Holding each other. Seeing each other eyes, while then kissing.

Most everyone needs that. Hard to exist in a relationship without physical touch of each other. Hugs are huge!!

Wanna be with each other? That is my take

All the best lemacabre

[lemacabre in reply to Hidden]

Hello Craig, thanks for the text!

Happy to hear your wise opinion on the matter. Yes I’m working on it, however it’s not easy leaving a job I am truly passionate about and has all my hard work put into it all these years.

To make it worse, there is no way my partner can leave his job either due to another 7 year bond to receive his full pension fund. Sigh I hope meeting up twice a year (when I am on leave) would be enough for now 🙁

[Hidden in reply to lemacabre]

Such is life eh? We have to make difficult calls

All the best

[Nothing_but_books]

It could be anything.

The fact he calls you nasty names and says you're annoying says a great deal about his feelings for you.

Calling your fears "baseless" doesn't make them so. A man who insults you may also lie to you. You can't know for sure based on his words.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been through all of it and I know it hurts.

[lemacabre in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Thanks Nothing but books, funny I thought the same as well 😕