lost in life

[Tenl]

for my whole life I always felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. Every single time I felt like I had to chase people and do what they wanted me to do. I had friends but they always wanted to hang out with my sister more than me and of course my sister didn’t want to hang out with me. I would have to pay her to be around me. My brother and sister always thought it was funny to make fun of me or hit me with pillows to show off in front of their friends. My parents always worked and fought all the time so I was caught in the middle trying to keep everyone happy. Scared because I never new what was going to happen. My dad used to call me a name in front of everyone because he was the jokester. Well I hated it and he new but didn’t know the effect it took on me. By then it was too late every one started calling me by it. Felt defeated.

in my late teens I found a guy that said all the right things to me but in the next breath would choose others over me. Broke my heart so many times. But I kept fighting for the relationship because then he would continue saying the right things. Lived several years like that but never felt important or someone. Just there hanging on tight because I felt alone and lost with out what little I had. We had three kids together went through a divorce. He took off with other women got mixed up in drugs and now he is back clean and sober for over a year. But depressed and just here. We live separately but get along as friends. My kids are all grown up and have their own life’s so don’t need mom anymore. While I was going through the divorce I fall In love with a married man that said we are the same people. I trusted him with my heart and believed him. Now he shut me out like he threw me out the window and that was it no good byes no reasoning or explanation. I have known this person for 10 years. I text but no response. I’m so tired and feel like nobody respects me or cares about my feelings. So many disappointments in life and no one to turn to. Feel like people only use me and that’s all I good for. Otherwise I’m alone and hurting and nobody cares

[Thankfulforhelp22]

Sorry to hear about your struggle. I don't have any wisdom to offer, and I really wish I did. However, I can and will pray for you.

[LoveforAll41]

I am so sorry Tenl. I don't know that I have any advice either, other than you are the captain of your ship and perhaps it is time to set sail. I think that if you can find activities you are passionate about then you will find people there. Maybe it is just a book club or some support group, but I think that if you can find things to do you can find people that will love to do them with you. Perhaps it will just be reading and you start a book club or volunteering at the library, I don't know. It does sound like now you know what you want in a relationship so maybe now the time is right to venture out again? I wish you peace, hope, and strength ☮️

[Bekindtoyou]

Firstly remind yourself you are important.Secondly don't look at each situation as being "thrown away" look at it like a learning tool.

One thing that sticks out through what you've said is around pleasing others in order to feel wanted. Been thee, done that. Over the years such torture, I realised, was emotional abuse.

You need to learn to love yourself again. You could go out and treat yourself to a new blouse or jumper that you've wanted. Wear it with pride. If you are always in jeans - try wearing something different and go for a walk. You never know how many complements you'll get. Take some time to pamper yourself - have an "at home" Spa day.

Your music, do your hair differently, do your nails, use a face mask and steam inhalant.

Be careful who you let get close to you.

Remember actions speak louder than words.

If you meet someone take things slowly. Don't accept them on face value - look deeper and don't open your heart to them quickly. If they start messing you around or being rude or aggressive - get rid. You are worth much more than that.

[dreap]

Hey Tenl, I can relate in a big way my life has been one disaster after another. I am 48 and never even been on date because I just could never say no. My marriages were miserable and all that happened were hurting children and broken heart from not putting up boundaries and sticking to them. I don't think I could ever be in another relationship as I don't trust people after my last 18yr marriage she was someone I just never knew and I don't see me finding anyone at this age after losing everything to an ex and her young lover. I used to take beatings for my brother I was molested and all sorts of horrid crap. All 3 of my wives cheated on me mutilple times cause I was so trusting. You need to pick what you want and make your demands to make you happy and not everyone else and I bet you will find that person who will love and devoted themselves to you or hey being single isn't that bad with a few guitars and a sausage dog lol. 😉 love yourself and keep heqlthy!

[Jjewelmania]

Too bad you’re having troubles, hope that your days get better. I can understand your problem, it’s not too uncommon.