hate myself

[97Bunny11]

I hate that I hurt people with the words I say. I wish I could just shut the hell up and never speak again. Sometimes I hate when others are kind to me. I don’t think I deserve it. Beat me up, that would make more sense. I would be getting what’s best suited for me. I can’t seem to let the past go. Whenever I do or say something bad, even though the other person may have forgotten about it, I obsess over how their perception of me may have changed. I never liked myself. If I could reach and rip my throat out and never speak again or rip my brain out and never think again, I would. I truly hate my self

[PuzzleArt]

You reminded me of a time I went through when I was afraid of my words, and yes, I did have such a reaction when I tried to talk to people. I did finally get over it, although I wouldn't be able to tell you how, because every individual is different. I think your age, in the twenties was when I had some serious problems. You are young enough to be able to change and find solutions. It takes time to realize, and actually believe that your words do not have the kind of power over other people's lives ( that it seems right now) In my case, I had someone in my life who had a hot temper, and would get angry at anything suddenly. I felt that I could prevent it ( or cause it) by what I said. I became very cautious and quiet. In fact, my words were not the cause of his anger, and my shutting up, or saying, the exact right words could not change his temper outbursts. It takes some time to learn that most people do not even listen to what you say. The thoughts a person has are even more difficult to control. You could try praying, even if you think there is no one there to listen to you. Finding people to trust,who will not judge or condemn you, takes a while. It can help. Overcoming self-condemnation takes time and you have already stated that you do not have patience with yourself, so in the time you are learning, I am hoping that you will find friends that you can trust.

[97Bunny11 in reply to PuzzleArt]

thank you so much, Puzzle. This helped a lot, I’ll remember this. 🙏