I hate myself

[Spook783739272]

I hate myself i have for a while but ive tried to lean into it. This is defintsly a coping mechinisim fro. Child hood im 29. It was easier to hate a foster home then pretend that they love me. And its a coping mechensim that works. I hate people from the jump of meeting them. Then i might eventually be nicer but even then its mean. Ive been teying to stop to bexome a better me. For me and my relationship I uselly catch myself after the fact thats not helping because i act quickly and impulsively. I dont know how to go about hating myself. I wouldent say im suicidal but "im in an open relationship with life and sometimes we like to look at other things"is what i tell people. Its more like i give death a chance? 7 seconds eyes closed when i drive type stuff. I just dont know what to do from here i feel like im on the tip of a spiril

[hypercat54]

Why do you hate yourself?

[Spook783739272 in reply to hypercat54]

Ive built a wall around my self that protectes me from being hurt it goes up when i feel attackes even though i know someone like my girlfriend isnt doing that. In my head . But i cant seem to break this habbit to open up to her. And its ruin my relationship with her and friends and i cant take it down

[Spook783739272]

Thabks hypercat im defintaly going to see a therapist because its slowly turning me numb to everyone. and im going to try to start dropping hate. From my vocoublaru. Now lets how i can fallow through 😄

[hypercat54 in reply to Spook783739272]

Well done that's great. Half the battle is realising you need to change and start to develop healthier coping methods. Expect it to take some time though to see any real changes and don't forget it took you a long time to get to this pass.

Little changes add up to big ones like a domino effect so don't be disheartened if it seems to be taking a long time. You have the right attitude and you will get there one day.

[Hidden in reply to Spook783739272]

I think you are incredibly brave recognising that you need to open up. I wish you well with that. Keep an open mind and stop judging yourself. I can tell you are a good man and I know that once you sort out whatever this is, your life will turn around and your perspective will change. Bless you,

Martin

[Spook783739272 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much martin.

[Hidden in reply to Spook783739272]

You are very welcome. If you need to talk, this is a great place to come to. It's like a family where you will be listened to and understood with acceptance.

[Roxylox]

I must say I was most scared by the driving thing. 7 seconds eyes closed could be the death of many innocent people im your path or an animal.

If you don't value your own life please consider other people, their lives and the relatives who might be left behind after them.

I think it's highly likely you need to go to your G.P and tell them exactly how you are feeling.

[Hidden]

Yes i can identify with this trait....Rejecting yourself...means you dont have to make the effort to love yourself....because you likely think deep down...you do not deserve love....conditioned by how others made you feel as a child.I went through a similar set of thinking patterns as i grew in early adulthood...and because i let it ride...i never really fixed my faulty thinking until my mid forties.I used to reject people because they always ended up rejecting me...so i just speeded up the process to save time.Bonkered thinking....requires serious therapy but its possible to self unlearn some thinking traits and replace them with more constructive and self beneficial results.

Pattern often starts with rejection from a parent or sibling....you then believe what they seem to tell you...that you are never going to amount to anything...that you are not nice...not worthy of their time blah blah blah.But in some cases it could be depression or serious illness or death of family member...the list is endless...which is why most never put the finger on the original cause of self rejection.If you feel this is beyond self help...you MUST seek help from a trained therapist..

I went down that rabbit hole yet never found anyone to explain why i felt the way i did...they only ever listened without sharing what they thought...so i left each session none the wiser.

In some cases.. you can uturn this....start with your heart and mind...question everything you think and feel...not in a negative way...but in an attempt to weed out the useless stuff....learn to let go of negative thoughts....let go of resentment...replace it with love...if thats too hard...replace by liking something instead of hating it...this includes you...learn to like you.

E.g. I used to get angry at the slightest thing...like every time i went to cross the road...a car would appear out of nowhere and my brain would tell me it happened to cause me inconvenience....coincidences didnt happen...

I ended up giving everyone i thought negative towards and every little event a complete amnesty day...(everyday i repeat this)...no more resentment no more pay back vengence thinking....it made me realise just how bad i had become....and boy i didnt like what i saw staring back from any mirror.

What i failed to realise is that i didnt like what i had become...i felt worthless.

NEWSFLASH...if you cant love/like yourself then expecting someone else to love you becomes meaningless because any love they bestow towards you will meet your own take on the hate you hold in your heart for yourself.

Letting go of my ties with the old self...telling myself i was not a bad person....that i was kind and generous(i am)... made me turn a corner.I didnt respect myself so how i expected anyone else to was my wake up call.

Today i smile at people i dont know.nod wave...etc...i dont grump or growl anymore...i try to find good in every situation....and i laugh at myself...because i know i am a work in progress and compared to my old self...i have improved....learn to love yourself...if thats too much...then try liking yourself...easy does it...little steps...be kind to yourself...be happy...

Sorry for the long wided answer...i Hope you can take things from all the answers given on this thread....best wishes.

[Spook783739272 in reply to Hidden]

Thabk you very much and your exacatly right. 24 foster homes in 12 yesrs before the age of 12. I was used to people who were supposed to love me and help me say we will love you forever blah blah blah then boom a car pulls up and i got to leave as a kid you think this is my fault and i guess that never went away. Im defintaly going to see a therapist just waiting to get insurance back shouod be soon. Your respons is very helpful i didnt know other people alsothought random occurencens we because of them

[Hidden in reply to Spook783739272]

Horrendus start to your life...but it does not mean you need to carry on beating yourself up through things you had no control over.

Hope you can untangle all those loose ends and feel much happier within yourself for the future.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Spook783739272]

I hope you will see a psychiatrist soon. Your childhood is a very sad one and it is understandable that you have had problems later on. It is good that you are here, and I can assure you that no cars will drive up to take you away (metaphorically). xx

[Tara52]

I am sorry you have suffered so much in your life but it is redeemable only if you believe that. I hated myself for a very long time also. I had 2 parents that I lived with for17 years in a very abusive home. My alcoholic father told us he hated us and that we were "no damn good". It took me many years not to believe his lies. It finally took what Our Creator said about each of us, that we are good and loved more than we can comprehend!😍 I now like myself and only surround myself with people who treat me well. Don't stop learning and healing. You are worthy of love.💞🤗

[Daveacr1959]

I have been battling anxiety disorder since I was 5 years old. And I’m 62 next week. So I know mental illness and it’s struggles. Tough times don’t last, tough people do , and you are tough. I have found daily cardio exercise to produce endorphins that makes you feel good, is my go to . I love animals and kids . You only get one shot , there is far much more good than bad in life. Count your blessings, no matter how small. You will work your way through this and look back at it one day .

[lovetodance2018]

Thank you sharing. Sounds like you have had a tough upbringing. You have developed behaviors that have helped you cope, but may not have been best for you. It sounds like you would like to make some changes in your life to like yourself and learn to cope better. Are you seeing a counselor? Learning how to let go of the past and moving forward is freeing and healing. Here are some techniques that work for me.

1) Healing comes from the inside out. It starts with letting go of the things of the past, forgiving and changing our focus and behavior. Becoming aware of what you need through self-care and personal nourishment. Take time for yourself - you are worth it. Like taking walks, baths, massages, mani/pedi/, listening to uplifting music/sermons and anything that makes you feel refreshed and renewed.

2) The 557 breathing technique is take 5 deep breaths in while thinking good thoughts about yourself like I matter, I am special, I am strong and then hold the breaths for the count of 7 focusing on those words about yourself, then let out the breath slowly for 5 seconds letting go of any anxious, self-defeating, unhealthy thoughts. I do this one to three times a sitting.

3)The gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the anxiety and depression and focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those.

4) Emotional Freedom Tapping -bit.ly/2Wk5mx7 Use pressure points that you tap on while you repeat positive uplifting things to yourself.

I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless

[lovetodance2018]

How are things going? I have been praying for you. Hugs

[Spook783739272 in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thank you. Ive set up an appointment with a therapist and if hes a good fit ill go everyother week i am feeling a lot better but you know that could be me swinging in thebother direvtion. Ive stsrted a journal to get everthing on paper and i find that helps a lot

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Spook783739272]

Glad to hear you are feeling better and trying a therapist. It is also great that you have started to journal. I agree that is very helpful. Know if you ever need a friend to chat with feel free to pm me. Hugs to you and work on that positive self-talk.

❤️