No gas in the tank...

[RupertBrown]

Hey all, haven't been on here in quite a while. Can't remember how long. Had a panic attack at work today. Not a big one, was able to calm myself down after a few minutes. A song came on the radio that brought back a lot of... unpleasantness. Guilt, shame, that broken feeling, the whole nine yards. Things haven't been great lately. For the past year really. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I'm getting better at not putting too much pressure on myself. But there are limits to what one can handle and it feels like I'm skirting them. I cut again a few days ago. Passive ideation almost every day. Stopped seeing a way forward ages ago. Kind of just in survival mode these days. One foot in front of the other. Just get through today and not worry about tomorrow. Except every day is the same struggle. I'm so very tired. I'm not even sad at this point, just numb. No gas left in the tank.

[Vonus5591]

Hey, you have to stop ignoring yourself and your emotions. Give yourself time to process your feelings. Therapy or medication may help but you still have to do the work. Allow yourself to be and just exist. You are allowed your days and your emotions are real. Try to question what triggers you and try to stay in safe place, like tv or radio room. Post because that will help you analyze yourself and journalling or art therapy will let those emotions out.

I and you have to deal with emotions. Go into it and triggers and emotions - you and I deserve more

Help yourself and encourage you to see doctor, counsellor or someone

[jackiesj]

I know what numb is.It leaves you waiting for it to happen again...there is Hope...Hope is reaching out. Last 15 years ive been trying to "Save" the situation when it wasnt all me...yes, you do need to know where its comming from to find where you are headed...you are headed for goodness you deserve it.We deserve it. i can only beat myself up so many times when others beat me up too. Im trying not to...Someone last week, for a LONG TIME i can remember said....i like you! i almost fell over. Now ive tried that for myself pep talks and all but after so long..not heard it....i like you!

[Agora1 in reply to jackiesj]

I like you too jackiesj xx

[jackiesj in reply to Agora1]

ty!

[RupertBrown in reply to jackiesj]

Thank you.

[Agora1]

Hi my friend. you would be surprised in how many people outside our HU circle

feel as if they are "out of gas" including myself. This is probably one of the hardest

times of the year for everyone. Unless you're a child waiting for snow days off, the

rest of us only feel the monotony of cold winter days.

You seem to have a handle on your anxiety which is good. I think most of us just

get weary from all the energy we used struggling for years. I hope things get better

for you. I think RupertBrown needs some "me time" to help heal yourself. xx

[RupertBrown in reply to Agora1]

I do get me time. It's mostly just spent watching YouTube. I remember the joy creating used to bring me. Now I just never seem to have the energy for it. Or I feel too guilty about it. Like it's just more of me rinni g away.

[Dolphin14]

Rupert

It's good to see you. I'm glad you reached out for support.

I'm sorry you are struggling. You definitely need to recharge those batteries. Take some time for yourself and fill that tank

Wishing you the best

🐬

[Midori]

We are here for you to talk or vent.

Welcome back, I remember you from before.

Cheers, Midori

[RupertBrown in reply to Midori]

Thanks.

[Nothing_but_books]

Hi Rupert, It's nice to see you back, I've missed you. I'm sorry you're having such a time of it. Maybe someone here will have the right words, I'm out too. We've all got limits. It's good to know what yours are, you've made good decisions in the past when things went too far.

💜💜🦜

[RupertBrown in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Thanks for your kind words.

[LoveforAll41]

Howdy Rupert, I am sorry that you are feeling numb and tired of the struggle. I have found that I can't really fight anymore, and acceptance has really helped me. I can't fight all of the time to feel good, even if I know working my butt off I will for a while, I always crash eventually. I am finally accepting my feelings and that is energizing, also, when I find new truths reading or in therapy that is energizing. When I don't have a heap of shoulds and expectations on myself life can be free and fun again. I always recommend the book "Feeling Great" by David Burns. There is also the Feeling Good podcast based on his work.

Are you able to go to therapy? I wish you peace, hope, and strength.☮️

[RupertBrown in reply to LoveforAll41]

Free and fun again sounds nice. Maybe someday.