Feeling like my head is going to explode

[NEC_xx]

Yesterday and the day before I felt a little bit more content than I had been feeling the previous days.. today I feel so angry, agitated, stressed and I just dont even know why. I HATE feeling this way. I want to just wake up happy, enjoy playing with my 3 year old in the mornings until she goes to nursery and then spend my time positively while shes there. Ive came home, applied for college and just sat scrolling on my phone. No motivation whatsoever. Moaned and criticised everything my partner has did today. Sometimes hes an a*shole but other times its probably me being an a*shole to him. I can hear myself and I know I’m being horrible and acting a bit crazy and stressed over silly little things but I cant help it. I got a good nights sleep last night but I just feel drained, irritated, angry and tired again. Now I feel guilty and horrible because i’m just storming around acting like this horrible person. I want to be better than this but cant snap out of it. I just feel so miserable right now. The sound of peoples voices, people chewing near me, anyone asking me a question - all just making me want to scream and rip my hair out. Tried to phone the docs all day today - they are hopeless at even answering I will need to go around tomorrow morning to get an appointment. Days like today make me realise I do want to go back on my sertraline.. if I have a good day tomoz I will probably want to put it off again. I think I need to just make the decision and stick to it. Just had to vent 😒 x

[Marysblue]

Sounds like depression, I have it too. People don't realize it makes you agitated and irritable. Thankfully there are good days. Hope you have some.

[NEC_xx in reply to Marysblue]

Yes, I think it is. It has just crept up on me again suddenly. Normally I can shake it off but I think I’ve been shaking it off again for too long now and this time its not going anywhere. Are you on any meds? How do uou deal with it? I normally try to get out walks and exercise etc but this time round I dont have the motivation I just feel constantly fed up and cant be bothered to try most days.

[Marysblue in reply to NEC_xx]

I'm on meds now. But I'm a firm believer in trying natural antidepressants first like St John's Wort or 5-HTP. They both worked for me in the past and I'd still be on them if I hadn't had high blood pressure or tinnitus so bad after a long time of no side effects and no with drawal. I walk too. Tumeric, rhodiola many natural remedies.

[Goldenlover0730]

Dear Mum, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have one of "those" husbands as well who has never experienced anything other than sheer oblivion his entire life. His head is in the sand, he doesn't have a clue about the world. He works from home, doesn't have to deal with the public or really do anything he doesn't want to do. I might be pretty content too if I lived that life. It is such a shame for I suppose both partners, because when you, or I got married, we were healthy and didn't have these problems. So everyone was "perfect" at the beginning. This is a really rough world we live in for so many reasons. Some of us are just prone to anxiety. I think it is just an epigenetic trigger...we are fine one day, then something sets us off and we develop this debilitating anxiety, and then have absolutely no support. Mine doesn't care if I take meds, but doesn't want me spending money trying to find a cure. Which in turn, causes me more anxiety. I have developed so many health problems including severe hypertension, vascular problems, autoimmune disorders, etc. I'm actually looking into TMS treatment, I smoke medical marijuana, have looked into ketamine, etc. I absolutely would consider electric shock therapy. I've been going through this for two years, and it's unbearable. I seriously can't even stand being in my mind or body. I have tried every medication and almost treatment under the sun and haven't found anything that will work with me. I have a college aged daughter and worry so much about leaving her. We are incredibly close, and she suffers from anxiety as well.

So this is my suggestion...F him. If you have a drug that works for you, thank God that something does. I would do anything in the world to have that drug. Take it on the sly. Hiding taking a pill that helps you to be a healthy, happy, functioning member of society is NOT the equivalent of adultery, or some other awful betrayal in a marriage. Take the flippin' pill and don't give a s*#t what he thinks. What he doesn't know won't hurt him!

Good luck, and be well!