How do I control my thoughts and feelings? It seems like my thoughts, feelings and emotions are going crazy and I have no control over it.

[rachel_grace]

I don't know why but i keep getting angry at the silliest things. its affecting my relationship with friends and family. i have been trying to do everything i can to release all my anger at once at something but living in a hostel with a lot of people isn't helping. I just fought with my friend for no reason. she just asked me to switch my phone off and i got angry. She asked me why am i not talking and i got angry. literally anything anyone does angers me and its scary. its scary because i keep hurting people around me for no reason. it would've been fine if i were the only one who is hurting but that's not the case now. I haven't even had a proper diagnosis on depression but had done some depression tests online. In fact i did every single depression test available online and each one of them reported it to be severe and i feel happy about it. its crazy and scary. i cant seem to get hold of my feelings. its hard too. i cant explain my actions to anyone. i cant seem to find a person to understand me. its just so much difficult to get hold of something. i try a lot of things to get things off my mind but one word from someone and that's enough to anger me. and then i feel guilty about it but i don't try to make up either. its so confusing. i don't know what to do, whom to trust, whom to vent to, which is why i am here. I hope to find a solution. At the very least a solution to make it up to my friend and then to never be angry at her. Please help me.

[Blueruth]

I see you mixing up what you can control and what you can’t. You can learn to control your actions. You can learn to understand what triggers your anger so that you can address it before hand. But your feelings are messages. I think you would do well with a cbt program. There is an app called Sanvello. But really you should be talking to a therapist. It seems to me you have a lot of questions about how to cope. I think that is a strong sign you are strong and will get to a better place.

[rachel_grace in reply to Blueruth]

Thank you so much

[Blueruth in reply to rachel_grace]

Anger like yours is usually born out of frustration and fear. Not always but enlightenment is the antidote. (Enlightenment as in learning not religion) maybe if you can switch your thinking to “what” is triggering this emotional response. “How” do i work, think, act on it? That’s where a therapist would really help. Hope that helps.

[rachel_grace in reply to Blueruth]

but the thing is i cant control my anger. it just seems to burst out. i cant actually find a place to calm down or the reason behind my frustration

[Blueruth in reply to rachel_grace]

Those are skills which means you can learn them

Has something significant in your life changed recently? Could be a few years ago and not an "event". Do you hate your job, living situation, school, etc and maybe don't have a way out. Do you have expectations you feel you should be working on? Just ideas. The target may be collateral damage.

[rachel_grace in reply to Blueruth]

yeah i am currently studying for something my parents chose for me rather than what i chose for myself

[Agora1 in reply to rachel_grace]

BINGO rachel_grace, talking with Blueruth might have just pulled up what your angry is about. xx

[Blueruth in reply to rachel_grace]

If I hate a class (let alone a major) I would be so worried about wasting time and failing or worse… doing some job I hate for the rest of my life! Not to mention the last two years people have been quitting left and right in droves because they either hate the career, hate the company/benefits or are just plain burnt out. Does that feel familiar?

[rachel_grace in reply to Blueruth]

i told them that but they do not relent to it. they say its just a phase and ill change my thoughts on it as i grow up. its as if they have already decided what thoughts ill have. if i have to save myself then i have to tell them that i will stop studying altogether if i am not allowed to study the major of my interest

[Blueruth in reply to rachel_grace]

You are in a predicament. If you study what they want you will probably earn enough to go back to school and do what you want. But that is a really long plan and a lot can happen. If you choose to stop you could go out on your own. Not unheard of for sure but risky. Message is you do have options to get to where you want to be. I feel how difficult those choices can be. Is your sister someone you could discuss this with?

[rachel_grace in reply to Blueruth]

i have no sister

i just have a brother who is too young for this shit

[Blueruth in reply to rachel_grace]

Sorry I misread . I figured if you have some idea what troubling you it would be easier to talk it through with someone close.

[rachel_grace in reply to Blueruth]

i get it

[Tedfelix]

If you become righteous you’ll have peace and your feelings will be better

[Agora1]

rachel, I can relate to some of what you are saying. We all need to be in chargeof our own lives and take control and own our decisions.

It seems like you didn't have any decision on what your parents choose for you.

I'd be and I was not so much angry but hurt by that same fact.

As much as parents mean well, there is a time they need to let go or we never get

the chance to grow up mentally and emotionally. Many of us on this forum have

issues that stem back from our childhood. Knowing what they are and addressing

them with a therapist is the first step in going forward and healing.

It is a step that is necessary in order to release fear, anger and stress. If we don't

then we take it out on other relationships which doesn't do any good. It stifles us

as we continue to stay stuck in the same pattern.

I'm certainly not a therapist but go strictly by my own life experience. I did what I

had to do to survive and am a happier person because of it. Respect for elders is

important but know when to draw that line. This is your life and you need to live it. xx

[rachel_grace in reply to Agora1]

but the thing is i have no means to talk with a therapist. I am a student and i have o enough money for that. As for asking money from my parents, its impossible because the last time i told them about depression, they responded by saying that people around you have problems greater than yours and that its just a phase. i tried free online sessions but none is helping. i just feel so damn helpless. it feels like i am going to fall deeper into this pit rather than finding a ladder to get out

[Agora1 in reply to rachel_grace]

Sorry rachel, I d idn't realize you are young and are a student.It's difficult knowing your parents don't understand mental health,

but then again, many people don't unless they suffer it themselves.

Never give up on what you want in life. It may not happen tomorrow

but always have a Plan so that down the road you will have something

to grasp onto. I agree with "1947treble" in that you can pursue or study

what you care about. Life is about doing things that you were made for. xx

[rachel_grace in reply to Agora1]

thanks for your advice. im trying my best to do it but if i have to enter a university, i have to pass an entrance exam and to apply for that requires money. i just have no other option but to tell them that i will stop studying altogether if they do not respect my choice. iknow its blackmailing but i cant find any other way to pursue my dreams

[1947treble]

When I have the most anger it's usually because I'm unhappy with myself. I got mad at my wife earlier and lost my temper but all day I'd been thinking about what little I've accomplished. When I can practice acceptance and compassion with myself it is easier to do with other people. It must be really frustrating that your parents chose what you're studying but maybe at the same time, sort of on the side, you can pursue or study what you care about.

[rachel_grace in reply to 1947treble]

thank you. i am trying to pursue my study of interest at the same time but its so difficult to manage both at the same time. i told my parents about it and they are not accepting it. i am thinking of telling them that i will stop trying to study altogether if they do not accept my interests. but it seems like i am blackmailing my own parents, when all they want is the best for myself. it makes me feel so guilty that i have a hard time trying to sleep without crying.

[KJnOTT]

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I recommend you reach out to someone. Here is the contact for a free session with a licensed counselor - 855-382-5433 . They will help determine how to best help you and probably recommend some resources in your local community. I am glad you reached out - I am sure it can be scary. Know that you are not alone. Blessings.

[rachel_grace in reply to KJnOTT]

thank you so muchhhh

[CoderMom]

Counseling?

[rachel_grace in reply to CoderMom]

i dont think i have enough money

[CoderMom in reply to rachel_grace]

Will your insurance cover it? Have you asked such questions of the office you would like to get counseling from? I think some will work with you, but each practice is different. And I have found it is personally very helpful.