Feeling like I'd better go no contact with all of my family.

I'm very sad and scared. My relationships with my parents have been very rocky for a long time and now I think we're really done. I am a woman at age 50. I'm surviving on disability and food benefits. I used to have a Section 8 voucher and I had my own apartment and my own car, and about 3 years ago I lost all of that. For about the past year I've been living in the basement of my parents house and it's been a tough situation. Now I feel like I'm really homeless. It's become really unbearable for me to be around my parents, 2 days ago I packed a small bag and took an Uber to stay at a friend's apartment for awhile. I really don't want to go back to my parents at all. I feel like I just keep falling through the cracks of the system. I don't know where to live. I wish there was some way I could get another voucher to get my own apartment again, but it would take at least a year to try to make that happen. And without having a car, it would be very hard to get around. I don't know what I'm living for at all anymore, I wanted my life to be so much more than this. I'm just nothing. There's just no hope for me. I'm part of a community mental health program, but none of the social workers seem to care at all about trying to do anything to help me. I wish I was dead, in a lot of ways I feel dead already. I don't think being around my parents and family is good for me.

[Hidden]

I had great difficulty dealing with my parents decades ago when they were alive.

I wish they were here still anyway, to know somebody knows what I'm going through and Cares, even though they show it very poorly, and most of the time 100% completely ignore me.

I was unbelievably amazed that when in jail All the inmates felt sorry for me when I said I miss my Mother who's been Dead for 30 years now, and gave me their sandwich, and said nothing insulting to me at 60 for missing my mom, while lying on the dirty concrete floor underneath people repeatedly spitting directly over top me (for whatever reason).

Your life is so incredibly difficult for you right now. True, but you can fight on.

And you are not even remotely Alone in your feelings that your parents are such a let down!!!

They are just people too, and they do Not have it all together.

Keep sharing your thoughts with us all.

You are such an amazing encouragement that they have hurt you so much, and you still fight on, sharing your hurts so we can not feel alone either, in ways we just don't know how to get better from right now.

Do you ever have any religious beliefs or listen to any popular preachers/teachers like I do to Trust God, even when things look their blackest???

You're welcome to get back to me when you are up to trying again to deal with your clearly difficult life situations!!

I'm suffering terribly, and I talk and still try on, same as you are.

I mean to be helpful, if you appreciate my sharing, I would feel quite privileged if you were to write me back at all. Otherwise I will be reading anything else you choose to post or any replies your kindly get!!

Don't give up!! I won't either.

Catman22

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much.

[Ricardo70]

There's only two ways to deal with this situation honey.

One lie down and accept the issues and give up. The results of that decision is nothing will change for you, nothing at all, probably it will get even worse than it is now.

Two, you can FIGHT BACK!

Firstly, be honest with yourself, what I mean by that is you have to come to terms with your current situation and STOP blaming yourself.

It's not your fault that you have a disability, and it's not your fault that you lost your certificate, apartment and car, it was their bad decision not yours.

Your parents behaviour is very common amongst elderly people. Remember any dreams, want's and expectations they had are probably not going to happen this late on in their lives so it's human behaviour to become disenchanted and pissed off with it all. If there not blaming each other you're an easy target to vent to. In their minds they think there helping you by giving you tough love.

Stay calm, the very best way to deal with multiple problems is to prioritise, let's face it very few people can eat a whole cake in one go, best to eat it one slice at a time.

Write down all the issues in order of importance.

Don't cause problems at your parents, stay calm and make an effort to appease them, you need a place to live, so until the opportunity to move out comes don't burn any bridges.

Secondly, these social workers work on priority so march up to their offices and demand to speak to a senior manager. Tell them how your feeling let down and ignored and considering making an official complaint. It's amazing what a simple complaint brings, be polite and respectful, don't lose your temper or you'll loose before you begin.

As for the certificate you lost. If you don't start the re application you won't get that apartment or car, so a year from now you will be in exactly the same situation!

Think, how did you achieve that result last time, who helped you? Go back to the same people and start again. Your strong, you're intelligent and you WILL get back to the benefits your clearly entitled to and deserve. THEY EXPECT PEOPLE TO GET FED UP AND GIVE UP, IT SAVES THEM MONEY!!

Email you're local government councillor, email you're senator, don't take NO just keep pushing and pushing, re emailing and calling, they will soon realise your NOT going to give up.

And finally, here in the UK we have certain charitable organizations, independent group's that help vulnerable people apply and appeal against government benefit decisions, get to the library or on the internet and search, I GUARANTEE YOU THEY ARE OUT THERE AND THEY WILL HELP YOU, 100%!!!

I believe in you, and this online community will support you always so DON'T GIVE UP, STAND UP AND SHOUT OUT LOUD "I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT, I WILL NO LONGER LIE DOWN AND EXCEPT OTHERS BAD DECISIONS, I HAVE A RIGHT TO LIVE WITH DECENCY AND BE RESPECTED AND I AM ENTITLED TO THE BENEFITS THIS GREAT COUNTRY HAVE SET ASIDE FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS WHO NEED THE HELP"

Sorry for the huge statement, but things need to change and I have to be honest with you, blunt even but this IS the only way back to where you deserve to be.

God bless, reach out, I'm sure you're fellow countrymen and women can help you.

Sending you love and strength from windy, rainy Cornwall, England.❤️

[Hidden in reply to Ricardo70]

Thank you for your support.

[Hidden]

Well, I've already been taking off out of the house constantly and hanging out at a local coffee shop and going to the park during the day. It isn't enough. I've been wanting to apply for some part time jobs but my dad keeps on telling me that he doesn't want me to get a part time job and possibly contract the coronavirus and bring it back to the house. My social worker promised me she would call me on Monday. She's already told me months ago that no group homes or room and board places were really accepting new people because of the virus, but I'm really going to put some pressure on her about this and I'm going to talk to her about trying to get my own apartment again somewhere because I can't keep on living this way. And I'm going to call the general agency and find out who I can make a formal complaint to about my services because I feel like they've been terrible with me. I'm tired of the coronavirus being their excuse for little to no support at all. And finally I'm going to see if there's any way I can see my psychiatrist in person if I wear a mask because I don't think he can really understand how I'm really doing just by talking to me on the phone, and I've only met him once in person so far. I'm really fed up with the people I've had to deal with and their lack of any real help other than calling me and asking how are you. None of them have been very nice to me at all or seem to give a damn at all. Here I am contemplating ways I could kill myself, their lack of any empathy or compassion is astounding. I can't keep running to my friend's place. If she wants to give me a hard time on Monday then I might as well live at my friend's indefinitely and switch to the agency in this county to see if I have any better luck with them. I'm really angry. I've suffered enough.

[Starrlight]

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