I walk around and hear people talk about their great careers, happy and successful kids, IRAs and great retirement plans, great investments etc etc......and I feel like crap. I feel like a failure. I'm 50 years old and have accomplished little in my life. I have had a few failed businesses, limited education, no retirement fund and live paycheck to paycheck. I have 5 kids. 2 if which are jobless and on drugs. 3 at home with learning disabilities and uncertain futures.
I am a pessimist and cant help but see the negatives in my life. I feel that my failures, anxiety and depression are a contributer to my family's struggles. As a provider I have failed. People always say " well it could be worse" or "count your blessings". My anxiety and depression won't allow me think like that. Every day my mind races with regrets and " I should have, could have" thoughts. I loose sleep, I have mood swings and It's tiring. My wife, bless her soul, has been hanging in there through thick and thin. I wish I could have been more for her.
Written by
Loadedpotato
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Hi Loadedpotato (love the name!). That is a tough go and hard for anyone to handle. I am a major proponent of Dr David Burns' work. He has a book "Feeling Great". He talks about a dial to turn our emotions down to a desirable level. If we only feel 10% instead of 100% worthless or like a failure we still have motivation with change but aren't hopeless. I think you are 50 years young! It sounds like setting up a good stable life is important to you. I think there are options for doing things career-wise... I would become a plumber now if I had to change I think.
I think that you have the power to change if you want, and perhaps you can set up more stability for your children. I know that I came from a home where money was paramount, but I want my legacy to be for my kids to have emotional resilience and not be depressed like me and have more ability and smarts to work. I think that in your years to come you can focus on being an example of some things.
I don't know, I don't mean to sound preachy but hopeful. You have made it this far so I think you are probably doing many things right. And your wife is with you, that is a huge plus. I hope my wife stays around through my ups and downs.
Well my friend. Here is a 67 year old man who struggles as you do. I had some measure of success and basically have lost it all three times. Luckily my two children are healthy and happy. Thank God they don’t have what I have. But worried about my grandchildren tho.
My challenges and I ‘m sure yours are very real. They can be very debilitating, painful and just a royal pain in the ass.
Three things help keep regrets out of my head and believe me they are in there a lot. Ruminations are a bitch!
One is help with new meds to lessen my symptoms of anxiety and depression . If you are still suffering a lot keep trying new things until you get acceptable relief. Yea I know scary what with possible worse symptoms or side affects but I didn’t try hard enough for those reasons with some regret. Went to a hospital last year and symptoms 80-90% lessened . Much easier to then control my mind.
Two- the realization that I do have some pretty extreme challenges and that just getting through this life can be looked at as some level of success. I too am broke, estranged from some family and have had failures, but I choose to look at things differently now. Sure helps to do that feeling better.
Third and by far my most important is my faith in that there is a God. That this time here, no matter how good or bad it has been, is but a finger snap in time compared to eternity with him and his son. In many respects I’m just hanging on waiting for that time when my mental health challenges and life experiences are no more.
Can you imagine my friend that time of no pain. Hang in there. Work on those symptoms if you can. Take the road of heaven by believing that Christ’s promise is real if you haven’t yet. To me it’s a easy bet.
I feel like a failure too. I made the attempts and got somewhere close to just the periphery of where I wanted to be but never close enough to feel satisfied. I am 60, divorced and a caregiver for my parents. Not a lot of money. I do have to say I tried. I did things that though many may think are not so bold they were courageous to me and that means something. Lived in so many different cities in this country and I grew up on a farm close to a small town in the Midwest. Getting out there wasn’t easy. For all the people who left my home town there were tons that didn’t and I think knowing that stings them a little even if they’re happy now. Also when you see successful people you really have no idea what went on behind the scenes in order for them to get there. They inherit money. People help them along, rich aunts and uncles lacking real heirs leave all their money to a big nobody nephew in the middle of nowhere. Not to mention a little corruption here and there. And people know just when to swoop in and lock in on someone else’s misfortune before the ink is even dry. Then, they claimed they earned it all on their own. There are also hard working honest individuals who made it all on their own the right way. I hate to admit it, but they did and I didn’t. I tried but I just couldn’t get it done. . My ex-husband is one of those people. Tough pill to swallow. But not everyone is going to get there or even stay there. There is just not enough room and not enough great jobs in my opinion. At 50 I still believe you can still right the ship or get close enough. Getting close enough can still feel pretty good when you look back at all the horrible stuff you had to go through. How many people do you know have truly had to go through your trials and deeply stressful times and still kept their heads above water? Basically nobody right? So don’t give up. It can still be good. You are doing good things! Good therapy and meds help. Your wife is a blessing. Prayers for you and your family. Please try to stay on track whatever that may be ( I never do but oh well - you do it for you!) and give yourself grace. One day at a time.❤️❤️🙏
I just wanted to add I’m sorry I seemed fairly jaded and cynical in response to your post. I’m going through a very difficult time myself with my parents’ condition and a loss of many longtime friendships. I am so terribly sad right now but I should have responded with more positivity and more thoughtful customized advice for you. I am praying for you and know how it feels when it seems like things are not getting better and you are doing all you can. Many people here are great and have wonderful caring personalities. They will help you I promise! Take care!
I know it doesn't help to say that you are no alone but you're not. I have the same thoughts and feelings even though my life circumstances are different. It is our brains reaction to our life, not our life, that is creating the way we feel. If we could just get our brain to work differently and see things differently... I'm on the same mission with you. Hang in there.
Thank you....you are 100% correct that our perception is mainly within our own thoughts. But the hard part for me is overpowering my thoughts. One day at a time I guess.
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