I need help

[Shutterbug65]

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go on anymore. I have so many problems and I have no one to help me. The thing is I don’t like to talk to people because I’m embarrassed by my smile. I’ve lost most of my teeth through the years because I haven’t had dental insurance in over 20 years. My job is terrible, they offer no insurance so I’m on Obamacare which I pay a lot for every month. I have no savings for retirement and basically live paycheck to paycheck. All it takes is one thing to go wrong, and my whole life, for what it’s worth, will fall apart. But the worst part is the loneliness, the only time I really interact with people is at work. I’ve lost so many loved ones through the years. And I feel like I’m the only one going through this.

Can somebody recommend a website to talk to others who are lonely? Anything???

Thanks

[hypercat54]

Hi I know it's horrible to have lack of teeth but you can't stop it letting you talk to people and make friends. I am wondering if you are blaming your teeth to cover up social anxiety? If I am wrong I apologise.

I have lost half my teeth through neglect but I still have friends and laugh. One of my sisters has only 3 teeth left and so does she. A friend lost all hers through cancer of the tongue and her jaw was left too damaged to have dentures, but she still laughed and had friends. So can you too if you stop obsessing over it. People don't judge you by how many teeth you have and as you can see you are by far not the only person to have this problem. x

[Shutterbug65 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you so much. Your words really touched home. I do obsess about it. I keep thinking everyone notices and think negatively of me. I’m amazed that your sister and friend are able to smile and have a good outlook on life. Yes I do have social anxiety, always had for as far back as I can remember. And I only had a few friends throughout my life.

I’m just very self conscious and everyday feels the same to me. I don’t know how to make a change, but I know I can’t continue like this.

Why am I like this?

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to Shutterbug65]

I once broke a tooth at work. I was talking with a nurse practitioner and he asked why I was holding my hand over my mouth. I explained and he laughed. Then he made a big smile and I saw that he had a broken tooth right in the front. I never noticed it. Sometimes we think that everyone is judging us by whatever flaw we have. They aren't. They are too busy obsessing over their own flaws.

But tooth issues can impact general health and well being. Obamacare should pay for dental care. I think. when I was first disabled I had a lot of dental work which was totally paid for by the insurance. I'm not sure if it is the same as Obamacare.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Thank you. But I don’t have dental insurance, just health insurance. And years of gum disease has destroyed my smile. If only I had listened years ago.

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to Shutterbug65]

That doesn't seem right. Gum disease can cause other health problems. Maybe you can get some help from the social worker at whatever hospital is near you. You can get free advice by calling and asking to speak with the social worker. They can make an appointment.

If that doesn't work, what about "Go Fund Me?" My daughter has found all kinds of needs there. People ask for baby clothes, self publishing books, storm repairs.....maybe a needed procedure should get you some help.

If there is a dental school near you, you can get low cost, or even free dental work by students under strict supervision by DDMs.

[Kat63]

It’s not your fault we live in a country that refuses to help its citizens with basics like dental care.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Kat63]

That’s very true. Unless your wealthy and can pay for your own healthcare. But a lot of the problems I have are my own fault because I kept putting things off.

[JAYnLA]

Hey Shutterbug. I think it's important to remember that you're dealing with depression and / or anxiety problems. This makes us prone to catastrophic thinking. When you say 'if one thing goes wrong my whole will fall apart', that's catastrophic thinking and it's actually not true. Not at all. You can handle problems when they come your way. Your life doesn't fall apart - you get through it. You've made it this far, haven't you? My counselor is always having to point out that I'm actually doing better than my catastrophic mind THINKS I am - and he's always right. I hope this is helpful.

[Shutterbug65 in reply to JAYnLA]

Thank you, that was very helpful. And that’s exactly the way I think. Always feel like I’m on the verge of panic. And think nothing I do will work out. I feel lost and unable to cope and I have nothing but problems lately.

I don’t like to think of my future because I don’t see any hope. Just loneliness, anxiety and depression. You see I missed out on a lot of life’s happy moments because I gave into the what if thoughts. And simply believed that things would work out on there own. It hasn’t happened that way.

Yes catastrophic thinking has always taken over my thoughts and still does. As far back as I can remember I always thought the worst would happen. I don’t know how to change that..

[JAYnLA in reply to Shutterbug65]

The short answer is that you notice them and then subject them to a truth test. They usually don't hold up well to truth tests. You keep reframing them with the truth over and over and eventually they change.

[Shutterbug65]

Thanks I wish it was that easy for me. I’ve gone through a lifetime of believing I wasn’t good enough. My lack of confidence and insecurities has kept me from succeeding in life. I need to see a therapist but my insurance co pay is to high and I can’t afford that every week. I do see a phychiatrist every month or so for meds.

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to Shutterbug65]

Did your parents encourage you? Did you enjoy high school?

Do you ever think back on the things you did accomplish?

I recently realized that my parents have never ever complimented me. But, they were not good people. I have received a lot of praise, lots of awards as an RN. Who needs their approval?

I felt alone in school. I felt that I didn't fit in...……………..but I recently learned from a few boys that they had had crushes on me. I remembered the ballgames when I was a cheerleader, I was elected to student council. I was class treasurer. I was secretary of SC. That means I was not the mess I thought I was!

We tend to dismiss our own accomplishments, and inflate our supposed flaws. Imagine how much enjoyment I could have had!

[Shutterbug65 in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

I’m sorry about my late response. I was raised by my Grandparents who I know loved me as one of their own. The one thing I remember is they never pushed me, I was never really challenged to do other things. I never did sports, never joined any clubs, never went to a school dance. I simply didn’t participate in anything, I only went to school and came home, that’s it. My only accomplishment is that I passed. But I don’t blame my Grandparents, I was a wallflower, to shy and worried to participate in anything. But I did have some friends, not a lot, and the one thing I remember is that I was happy. I think about this a lot. Do you think this has a lot to do with how I am today?

It sounds like you have a lot to be proud of. I have no accomplishments to dismiss, just a lot of missed opportunities. My Grandparents just wanted me to graduate, which I did. And I miss them so very much, not a day goes by when I don’t think of them.

Please write back when you get the chance.

Hope you have a wonderful day.