Inconsolable

[Amokaka]

I'm here at my last ever Christmas celebration at my childhood home. My parents are selling it next year to move full time into their other house 500 miles away, and I'm so sad. I'm 46 years old, and this place has been my rock for my whole life - it's like, no matter what happens to you out in the world, there will always be a place for you here. And now there won't be anymore.I was just about holding it together until we sat down for Christmas dinner last night. I felt the tears coming on, so I excused myself from the table to pull myself together, but I never pulled myself together. I just kept crying and crying, and I missed Christmas dinner, and now I'm afraid to face everyone this morning for how pathetic I am.

[LadyZen]

My daughter gets upset at me wanting to sell my home. I tell her that home is where I am. It's really hard and stressful for me to maintain an older home. Those stressful things take away from the positive memories for me.

[Amokaka in reply to LadyZen]

Oh, I completely understand why they want and need to sell. They haven't been able to take care of the house properly ever since they stopped living here full time. I tell myself that by saying goodbye now, I can preserve more happy memories of the place before it falls apart completely. But saying goodbye is still so sad.

[LadyZen in reply to Amokaka]

I should probably prepare for that day with my daughter. Maybe we'll do some kind of farewell ceremony.

[Marysblue]

My suggestion is to take some videos of it. I did that when I had to sell my mother's house of 50 years once you passed.

[Turnipgirl]

Many years ago when I was 11 we moved and I was left out and excluded from the process and I had a lot of anger and resentment over this not due to the physical move in itself but in the way I was treated which to me had felt like the world had ended!

Anyway when I was 18 I cut my parents off due to extreme anger over the way I was treated over this and there had been other things as well that had upset me which had led me to the decision to cut them off and I feel I made the right decision as well at 18 when I cut them off!

Back in June my mother moved away from that house that had brought up all that anger and resentment and I can't say I was upset about it and explained to my friends it wasn't the physical building that upset me no it was the way I was treated there that did!

Thing is I don't go cutting people off for trivial reasons.

[LadyZen]

Maybe we will replicate an old photo in the front yard one last time. I'm so done with this house. I don't have the same attachment as the kids do. But I have to be sensitive to them.

[LadyZen]

As if on queue, my toilet is giving off ghost flushes. Ugh, it's either the flapper or the fill valve. I've got to replace them, but I hate messing with the shut off valve. It's so old, it might leak if I twist it. Maybe I'll just move.

[punkrockhippie]

i know its different for everyone .. but i get it!

my folks (aged 78 & 76) are selling our tiny "worth nothing"mountain cabin after decades. its intense and sad and uncomfortable... when i saw you said " you understand why - but its still sad " . i instantly related to that feeling!! my plan was always to own said house in future but my financial situation at the moment cannot allow it. so if i can say anything.. take what you can while you have it! I've taken a couple keep sakes aka: photos, wall hangings, blankets.. and although it sounds insane, these unimportant tokens some how have helped me through the process of the loss. so i hope this helps you even if only a tiny bit .. peace

[Amokaka in reply to punkrockhippie]

Oh, there are so many keepsakes in that house. We loaded up the car with them when we headed home yesterday - stuffed animals, childhood art projects, boxes of old papers - and we barely scratched the surface. We will probably go back at least once more to help clear things out before they finally sell...but we only have so much room in our house to keep things, so we will not be able to keep it all.

I know that my love for my family lives on in the people, not in the house or in the "stuff" - but so much of that "stuff" is a record of the story of my life, and our lives. I'd completely forgotten that so much of it ever existed, but when I look at it now, I think "These items mattered enough to us at the time that we felt the need to hang onto them," and it feels like such a shame to get rid of anything after that. I did take pictures of a bunch of things that I want to remember but can't keep (like some dresses that my mother handmade for me when I was a girl, that nobody will ever wear again), but even that feels like a dishonor to all the effort she put into making them.

I guess I'm really starting to understand how people develop hoarding disorder.

[LadyZen]

Cognitive decline can be worrisome. I have those worries too. Especially with my mysterious vertigo.

[barlock in reply to LadyZen]

there are some head movements that you do laying down that do wonders with vertigo. Look them up on the net or go to dr and tell them that is what you want done. not every one does them

[LadyZen in reply to barlock]

Cutting out the dairy has helped.

[LadyZen]

I wonder if your doctor or therapist can run some cognitive tests.

[LadyZen]

I feel that way about my doctors too.

[Agora1]

Amokaka, one of the hardest experiences as a grown daughter was when my aging mother

said she was going to sell the house I grew up in. The house where my childhood memories

were made. Where family times were truly that. You see we can't go back. We must always

go forward in life and hold those memories in our hearts.

At one time, I wanted to go to that home and see if the buyer would allow me to look at

it once more. But then I realized, It would never be the same, it belonged to someone

else now.

At the beginning, I would drive by once in a while as I got a warm and fuzzy feeling

seeing all the things my dad had done to the outside of the house were the same.

Once the new buyers started changing it, my need to go back in time was realized

that I must live in the present moment now.

I wish you heartfelt memories that will take you down a different path of yet more

memorable times. xx

[Amokaka in reply to Agora1]

My mom had a similar experience with the house she lived in with my grandparents. One day she looked it up on Google street view, and she saw that the new owner had completely ripped off and rebuilt the upper story - which had contained a lot of handmade cabinetry and built-in furniture my grandfather had built over the years.

I guess it just shows how we're all ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Apart from the very few of us who make a permanent mark on the world, most of us - and everything we ever worked for - will be all but forgotten shortly after we're gone. Which is awfully hard to come to terms with.

[Agora1 in reply to Amokaka]

Sad but true. xx

[Sunrisetabby]

Unfortunately, the brain is complicated and the standard tools used to assess cognitive decline tend to be rather crude. For example, rather not like an 800 on the SAT verb in an earlier lifetime, three years ago I managed to achieve a score indicative of cognitive decline on the Montreal Cognitive Assessment Test. Cognitive decline is quite common once you have lived for 60 years or so, but at twenty years before that benchmark, I was understandably concerned. So eventually, I also ended up with diagnoses for ADHD, anxiety, and major depressive disorder. Depression, as well as ADHD, can significantly impair memory formation and recollection. I have done a number of brain scans but other than ruling out certain major problems, the scans were also of no benefit. One of the key building blocks for resilient memories is high quality and sufficient sleep. Memory is like a muscle and you can train it and if you think your memory is failing you, or at least I, may be able to self sabatoge myself into failure. I have tried a number of Alzhimer medications in addition to ADVD medications, not to mention anxiety and antidepressant medications, but none of then ha e seemed to have significant memory benefits.