I failed or did I?

[Mrspjsmom]

Was all set to deal with the in-laws yesterday or so I thought. Had my eraser, my pink and purple temporary highlights in my hair, covered in glittery powder and started to change. Then suddenly I lost it. Curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out for 20 minutes. So I grabbed some tissues, left my husband a note and curled up on the couch with my favorite blanket. My punishment for not going was no dinner so I ate a peanut butter sandwich. Felt like a complete failure until this morning. Now that I have calmed down I realized I didn't fail. I just listened to myself and realized I am too important to subject myself to several hours of cruelty. To anyone who thinks I'm a failure "You don't know me at all!" Taking care of myself may have consequences but doing what I need to do takes more strength than you know.

[Krn210]

You aren’t a failure. It took courage to tell your husband that you were staying home. Besides I bet you feel a lot better today than you would have, had you made yourself go.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Krn210]

I do feel much better today and when he got nasty I could at least tell him I tried.

[Gjkas]

Don't think yourself as a failure You couldn't manage it.So what. If you had forced yourself to go you would have felt 10 times worse. Just imagine that.

You do what your body tells you to do.

You're In enough pain now. You don't need anymore..x

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Gjkas]

Staying home was the best decision I made all day. Since I tried to get ready he can't give me a hard time. I shut that right down.

[Gjkas in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Good on you. x

[Dolphin14]

You are not a failure! We have to take care of ourselves. If you couldn't do that it's ok.

My husband and I have an understanding that I can " opt out" on any plans. Somethings I couldn't do in the beginning and I wasn't going to force myself. Things are easier for me now.

You will get there, until then you focus on what's best for you💕

[Mrspjsmom]

The problem is my MIL she's mean, miserable, and nasty. No one stands up to her but me. She still thinks my migraines are fake lol

[Dolphin14 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Don't worry about what she thinks. You know your truth that's all that matters

[Hidden]

Good for you...you put yourself first....I'm sorry you had the breakdown, wouldn't of been nice to of had your own little party? Maybe keep that in my and don't beat yourself up..instead have fun with yourself....the next this happens...just a thought...

Sparkles and dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs Mrspjsmom!

[Annabelle61]

I think it takes a lot of courage to take care of ourselves & that’s what you did - good for you ! It was quite a struggle for me yesterday to pretend everything was Ok - I’m paying the price today - spent over an hour crying this morning

[hypercat54]

Hey well done you! Keep toxic people out of your life as much as you can, after all who needs that s***! x

[All_alone]

Omg - you are NOT a failure for protecting yourself from hours of in law cruelty. I say kudos to you even though you had a bad day yesterday, it would have probably been worse if you had gone. There is not a darn thing wrong with a PB sandwich. Your sanity is well worth eating PB then being miserable and eating Turkey on a day that can be painful enough. Living honestly for yourself takes strength and courage. I would have been happy to eat PB with you. I'm glad your feeling better. ❤❤

[Jamie2018]

I feel your pain. I too have an insulting MIL. Nobody tells her no and if you do you get punished for it. Or if you go along and do want she wants your subject to insults and smart remarks and feel miserable kinda like a catch 22 thing.

Hopefull standing up to her in the future will get easier on you but then again you dont want to make friction in your marriage.

May i ask you how your husband reacts to this? And are you the only one shes nasty to .

[Ardraven]

You didn't fail just because you couldn't bring yourself to waste a valuable piece of your life on in laws who don't appreciate the honour enough to deserve it. Given that you were only feeding yourself I think you did well to make sure you ate something giving how you were feeling. Any time I'm having even a bit of a bad day my wife ends up telling me off for not bothering to make food any time she's out. I'll make the effort to make something if she's in too but unless I'm doing better than average I can't be bothered just for myself. So I really wouldn't worry about what you ate.

Sorry if you think I'm being harsh but I think if anything your husband failed you by not providing more support to help you feel comfortable with going and by never challenging your MIL's negative attitude to you. I love my mum but no one talks down to, criticises or insults my wife unchallenged in my hearing I simply won't permit her being treated in a nasty or rude or even inconsiderate way in my presence by anyone at all, even my own mother.

I might use a little more tact if I was setting the women who gave birth to me straight about it than I'd bother to use if it was someone else. Fortunately I don't have to decide that so far since my mum loves my wife to bits but I no for sure I don't make exceptions on the basic principle cause my wife no longer speaks to her own mother but she used to be horrible to her own daughter and I didn't put up with it for a minute. I really believe if you love someone enough to promise to love them for keeps then you have their back even if you need to have it against other important people in your lives or if you think they're wrong but it's not something that you can't support them in without compromising your core beliefs. If you think they're wrong but you don't find their position insupportable then you support their right to hold it and refrain from destructive criticism of their position especially in front of others. If you really need to state your own view then keep to a positive statement of it without reference to anyone else and don't let anyone undermine your spouse's opinion even if they are agreeing with you.

Sorry close subject to my heart I'd better stop ranting now cause I've said everything relevant to the OP and then some 😊

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Ardraven]

Thank you. I wish my husband would speak up for me but he copes by ignoring her antics. Your response made me feel better.

[Ardraven in reply to Mrspjsmom]

You know your husband much better than I do and I did apologise if it was a harsh assessment. I do think even if he can't cope with his mother well enough to confront her head on he could still be more supportive based only on what you've written in this one thread.

I probably over-reacted a bit with that essay though. I am my wife's 3rd (& hopefully last 😁) husband and neither of the first two ever once took her side if anyone was being negative to her in any way, however nasty as far as I can tell. She couldn't believe it when I backed her up to begin with which broke my heart because she deserves better.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Ardraven]

You weren't harsh at all. You simply wrote what I often think. And it helped more than you will ever know. Thank you so much. HUGS!

[sweetiepye]

You did well. You shouldn't have to protect yourself from your own family in the first place and secondly, your husband should be putting your welfare first. I know I'm bossy , Lol. I feel strongly about this subject as I have had to deal with it in the past. My MIL is dead now so it's not an issue anymore. Just sayin . Pam

[Mrspjsmom]

Thank you

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I love you👍😁👏👏⭐️⭐️