Heartbreak for the Holidays

[sabres4love]

I haven't posted in a while; have been (and still am) dealing with a very stressful situation at home. Have been debating whether or not to post because it isn't a topic I am very comfortable discussing, but I really could use the support. A few people on here know exactly what I am dealing with, but let's just say we are going to need an exterminator at my house. That isn't so much the issue, but it is the preparation trying to get ready. We have known since mid- October and have been given instructions for as to what to do...but progress has been very slow and it feels impossible to clean up/clear practically everything in the house while still living in it. I have been so anxious and miserable ever since finding out. For awhile it has been consuming me and I have been unable to think of much else; although, thankfully, are hours here and there throughout days where I can distract myself/come up for air. But those moments aren't making the situation/my anxiety end. My family and I are living out of plastic containers of clothes that have been washed; I have been sleeping in a chair that is meant for outdoors/camping. I know there are people who don't even have anywhere to live or food and that it could be worse, but that isn't helping my anxiety over it much. When I think it all too hard, I am seriously overwhelmed (been having a lot of crying spells) and feel like we are NEVER going to get to where we need to be and that THIS is going to be what the rest of my life is like- SURVIVING, but not really LIVING the way that I want to. When feeling at my worst, I have even considered how it would just be easier for me to not be here anymore (In all seriousness, I couldn't do it to my family. Am just looking for some relief/light at the end of the tunnel). I am still working (part time) and when I do manage to get myself out of the house, I feel a little better usually. But as soon as I know it is time to go home, I get very nervous and panicky. I JUST WANT TO NOT FEEL THIS DREAD AND ANXIETY ANYMORE!!! To make matters worse, this is all happening during the holidays; I have always loved this time of year since I was a child. We didn't do our usual Thanksgiving routine (just had dinner at home instead of going out) and it wasn't too great of a day for me. I have especially always loved getting ready for Christmas- the getting gifts for everyone, baking, decorating, seeing friends and family and just the whole magic of the season. Not this year, as with everything going on and we are supposed to be getting the house ready, I am all out of my usual routine and my Christmas going to be much different than I am used to. I so badly wish it was this time a year ago or even a few years ago when I wasn't dealing with all of this. Idk what else to do. It is my family's house and I can't MAKE them pick up the pace here; it is especially my dad who doesn't seem too bothered by it/or in a rush. The longer we wait, things won't get better. At the same time, trying to get ready and clean everything stresses me out so I am also trying to protect myself from getting too worked up- I can't have it both ways. I wish I could have someone else's life right now; are other issues I could handle, but not this one. Some days, I feel like my will to live has been stolen from me and I just want it back! Other days, I feel like I can fight thru this...I also wasn't sure if I should post just because I haven't been on here offering much support to anyone else. I know that being on here can help me some...but my situation just feels so impossible to me I don't know what anyone else can do for me. I will take any help I can get right now!!! 😱😢😭

[dutchgirl71]

I feel your pain. I have OCD and my entire house feels contaminated…it’s awful. I’m slowly working on it too. I’m caring for my ill mom and I agree that the magic of Christmas seems faded this year. One day at a time…we will get through this.

[gajh]

You said "I also wasn't sure if I should post just because I haven't been on here offering much support to anyone else. I know that being on here can help me some...but my situation just feels so impossible to me I don't know what anyone else can do for me." You absolutely should post it is fine if you haven't been on here offering much support to anyone else. You are the one that needs support right now. That is what matters. You said that being on here can help you some. I am so happy you decided to be here. You said your situation just feels so impossible. I certainly sounds impossible and I don't claim to have an answer for you. I just really feel like reaching out and offering you support. I am so sorry for all you are going through. I am sorry that you can't enjoy Christmas. I hope that you can find some ways to help with the dread and anxiety. Please do whatever you can do to take care of yourself. Please continue to post and reach out here for support. Hopefully that does make a bit of a difference.

[sabres4love in reply to gajh]

Thanks so much for your support and encouragement.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I can relate to this so hard. My mom brought in 🛏️ 🪲 to her house while we were living with her. It was an accident but she accepted yarn from her friend who told her that her son's place had 🛏️ 🪲. I guess her friend thought it's in bags they wouldn't crawl in there but they did.

My mom remembered she had this trash bag filled with yarn. She dumped it on her bed to sort through it. It wasn't noticed until I was chatting on the phone and walking into her room where the computer is. I bounced on her bed and noticed this weird 🪲 crawling on me. I killed it but then saw another one on the wall. I kept seeing them and 1 day I told my mom about it. I took a picture of one of 1 and did an image search. Came back with 🛏️🪲.

I freaked out. I have issues with bugs. Well called an exterminator. There was no issue in finding one. Problem is that my mom is a hoarder and the exterminator tells us we have to clear out her room. Another problem was it was me for the most part having to go through things and bag and tag. Because my partner and mom worked. It was so stressful and there was a few crying spells. My mom was very chill about the whole thing. My partner tried his best to comfort me. It was a lot to handle.

We eventually got rid of those demons. And eventually brought her stuff out of storage. But it triggered my anxiety and hurt feelings because I thought there might be some good out of this. My mom would get a handle on her stuff. That didn't happen. And the other thing was finding a photo album that belonged to me. My mom made photo albums for all her kids. Mine, is the only 1 that got lost or misplaced. Have no idea what happened to it. Maybe it got thrown away or stolen by my dad. I'll never know.

I can say right now it's a rough patch. But it will pass. And you will get through this. The only person you can control is yourself. So don't focus so much on your dad being chill. It could be he's trying not to panic himself because that might cause everyone in the house to freak out. But even if he's nonchalant. Can't worry about his emotions. Focus on yourself and do what you need to do to release that stress. If that means going for a walk, do it. Find a quiet place like the shower and have a good cry. Get a journal and write down your thoughts.

You will get through this 🫂❤️ please feel free to come on here and share.