what’s wrong with people?

[CLB1125]

someone asked if we could chat , me being the sap that I am said sure. This person was respectful and enjoyable to chat with. Then boom! Gone, no good bye, nothing. Their profile is gone and all the chats. Although they didn’t owe me an explanation we all know how this can really affect people like us. I feel really stupid. I should have known better. I always want to help people and I end up being the one getting hurt. Lesson learned…..

[Hidden]

Your not a sap for responding to some one and giving them your time.

[Hidden]

Oh geez! You're not stupid, you simply want to help. There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe they just felt a certain way, most likely had nothing to do with you. Hang in there and, don't stop helping people, you're doing great!

Hug

[Bramble2000]

this “ghosting” malarkey or whatever it’s called is really annoying. You’re not stupid at all. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect someone you’re talking to to treat you with respect and have some bloody manners! It says FAR more about them than it does about you!

[Wishfulthoughts]

Shame makes people do weird things. Thank you for trying to help someone!

[Dolphin14]

Hi

Some people feel the need to leave HU for whatever reason . Not everyone puts up a goodbye post.

Please don't take this personally. It happens frequently with this type of on line relationship.

It is hard to not know what happens to people after they leave.

🐬

[0101]

Good post and thank you for writing it. Although I am sorry you've experienced this. Take heart. It definitely got me thinking. This is designed into all online and connected communication now I'm afraid. All of life. We have the ability 'to speak' to people from all over the world yet aren't really interacting and getting to know people in the ways we used to or are designed to over millennia. This happens so much, and with all the different platforms and ways to, it's harder to juggle and keep focus on who we are interacting with, how and when. It's very easy to accidentally cut people off, not realise, forget, overlook or be able to ignore people if communication becomes too much or we are distracted by another notification and demand or scrolling draws us away. As others have said here, it's not you, but that doesn't make it sting any less. It's harder and harder to notice, to listen, to pay attention to properly meaningfully connect. We're flooded with requests and demands to sift. Who knows what expectations are as they seem to shift with technology and what that's capable of doing. Everyone seems 'too busy' to remember others or pay attention.

Tech is great and also awful and inhuman. I have had a lot of superficial and introductory messages with people who flood similar messages to others and then I too felt a sap for putting effort in to respond. Then no response, or too much response, or something a bit odd, which may then lead to no response at all (the ghosting others mentioned) further down the line. Maybe over a few hours or weeks. Many dip in and out of many ongoing 'chats' not seeming to realise there's a human being on the other end, who may be expecting or hoping for a reply. Or was led to reasonably expect a response then there's a total change in behaviour at some random point for an uncommunicated reason. It's bruising at times and leads us humans to be more and more transactional and wary with each other (what does this other forum user want? What can I expect?). Actually finishing or continuing a conversation, building a way to interact reliably, or getting to know and trust is harder and harder online. It's so easy to connect and so easy to stop that 'connection'. Dip in, dip out. Done, move on, we never know why. It's not you, but you are left with those feelings. What just happened? And thinking, is it me, what did I do? I've had others tell me I was their friend and shared a lot, then whoosh, they've changed, or become cruel, then boom that's it. No way to carry on. No way to repair a miscommunication. Just cut off and dropped. Sometimes people 'lurk' and you know they are online and could respond, so they are choosing not to. Which is their choice but it's cruel to leave someone hanging not knowing. Each time it can shake your confidence. It's like being friends in a playground as a child. One minute you're a friend, then the next day you're not. I still remember the confusion from being a small child and having to learn how to move on and hope to make new friends, not letting it sting for too long.

It's very hard when this person or user name online then just whoosh totally disappears. It's more than someone turning their back and you can be left almost grieving what you thought it was. Like being dropped and dumped, but was it real you try to catch your feelings up to what has happened. Try not to let it affect how you interact, there are lots of 'real' people still out in cyberspace, trying to figure this all out too! A lot is now sped up and condensed so getting to know others and build relationships is actually more difficult.

It's also hard sometimes to figure how if you are helping yourself, others, or you are hoping they will help you. It's supposed to be two way, and more naturally evolved that this but with tech in the way, that often muddies things.

[Hidden]

Maybe some expect to be let down so stay distant ,I am never even slightly upset by anyone suddenly not talking as our heads and our lives get so busy I don't take it personally.Also why would I want to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to me

[CLB1125]

I could totally understand if the person said I don’t care to chat anymore. But to just disappear/block me, whatever, is just disheartening

[bethelbee in reply to CLB1125]

They may have left for personal reasons having nothing to do with you or anyone else. Maybe something happened they felt the need to leave. Nobody knows what goes on in another's life. We can't take everything personally, though at times it may seem personal.

[0101]

How does this work then? I reply and get no response from the poster? Seems hugely ironic.

[notanotter]

If their profile was deleted, it’s possible they were removed by a moderator for violating the platform terms.

Or mire likely, they overshared, then became embarrassed and deleted everything.

[CLB1125]

that is a possibility although he never said anything personal or disrespectful to me. We mainly talked about our issues and drs and that sort of things. I don’t know what happened. It just makes me feel bad. I always think that I said something wrong and made them mad at me. I always feel guilty no matter what it is.

[fauxartist in reply to CLB1125]

Don't feel bad, it's very common here...I think the over sharing thing is true...some feel they said too much and then just disappear.

[designguy]

Don't feel like you're the lone ranger, it has happened to me and i'm sure a lot of others on here and I try not to take it personally. I think the reality is that we are all on our own journeys and at different levels of comfort in sharing and some people feel like they are over sharing and then feel shame about it. It's not your issue it's theres but it can still hurt.

[Starrlight]

sorry you got hurt it’s not your fault and you did nothing wrong. I had the same type of thing just happen to me where someone responded to a thread of mine and then when I asked a question the person deleted all their previous posts