basically a part 2

[11_11]

so if you read my last post let’s skip to today…

this weekend i woke up friday and i didn’t think much of it i went through my day and and felt nauseous… again i didn’t really think much of it

but you know that feeling when you think something bad is going to happen but you don’t know what do you start overthinking everything you check your phone again and again or you look through your things just to make sure you didn’t put anything where it’s not supposed to be…

i’m the eldest child out of five siblings you know how that is i’m basically the mother… i saw this quote on tiktok that goes like “the first born daughter is raised with her mother and their rest are raised by their mother“ or something along the lines of that but never the less i couldn’t agree with that more

lately i felt like i’m not really her daughter and i don’t blame her she has so much to worry and think about her children are still young ì somewhat get it…

i feel like she doesn’t really care about me anymore like she points her finger at me any chance she gets but at the same time i lover her so much the love i have for her is crazy.

i feel like she does this without thinking or without knowing the impact of it i know if she did she would stop and feel really bad so i don’t say anything and just keep a straight face but i’m getting tired i’m tired of thinking

am i overthinking or idk

when i see her with my younger siblings i feel like i want to ball my eyes out i’m doing that right now.

i don’t know what to do and no matter what anyone tells me i will not i repeat WILL NOT go and talk to her or anyone about this.

i know she doesn’t mean it but i pray to god one dad she just comes and hugs me

i feel like she just doesn’t have time for me anymore…

i used to handle it much better than this i used ti have myself to help me in a way if you can understand. but now i feel like i don’t have time for myself anymore.

[Starrlight]

❤️

[LadyZen]

I'm the eldest. We have a tough role. Even though I was the oldest and struggled with feeling like I was a secondary caretaker, I couldn't even keep my oldest child from feeling the same.