why now ?

[Overxomer]

hi, can anyone tell me why i have always had constant anxiety but it rises to the top now that I have a great supportive boyfriend and a non toxic job. It’s like it’s trying to rob me of my happiness .

[LoveforAll41]

Hi Overxomer, I think that this is fairly common. Perhaps it is you recognizing that what you have is valuable and you get more anxious thinking about not screwing it up. Can you bring this up with your boyfriend? My wife and I both like reassurance so we constantly say things like "you love me even though I am depressed" or "you love me even though I am an anxious stingy b******?

Perhaps you are like me in that you gain self-worth from a "success" in the relationship and work aspects of your life. I do that with school and work and finances and then going to work and working on school become so much more than just those things. They become something I must do to have worth as a human. No matter what we do or don't do it has no effect on our worth. This can really help me not get caught up in feeling like my responsibilities are not burdens but something that I want to do.

I wish you peace, hope, and strength. ☮️

[Overxomer in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thank you so much for this post . I do bring it up to him and he just reassures me he loves me and I am not in this alone . Thank you i will try your methods with him and yes I love to excel in life just wish my anxiety would excel with it .

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Overxomer]

I am thinking this is a typo but I think that your anxiety is excelling with your life!😜 I think that anxiety shows that we really care about something.

[Overxomer]

Thanks I am happy I found this platform .

[Midori]

Ah, I think I know this feeling. Everything is moving smoothly for you, but there is a nagging feeling that something will go wrong.

Recognise that it is your inner insecurity talking to you, and tell it to Go away, It might take some goes, but it worked for me, although I was far from polite and cussed and swore at it before telling it to learn about travel and reproduction (not necessarily in that order!) 😉

Cheers, Midori

[Overxomer in reply to Midori]

Thanks I am working on that method now ! 💕

[Keepgoingeverybody]

Please know that as everyone has said above, it's very very normal (for those of us who have anxiety and depression issues) to react this way to good things as well as bad (at first).

As noted by others, you may fear losing all the good things you've found, and start thinking "What if that happens? What will I do? I'll get way more anxious, and then depressed. And why why why don't I feel better -- I thought by changing my life, making it better, it would disappear. Oh no! I'll never stop feeling it!" etc. etc. etc.

The insidious thing about anxiety is that the more you fear it, the more you get angry at it, the stronger it gets. It takes a lot of ongoing mental practice to accept it while also committing to easing it. Anxiety actually wants to be eased, soothed, reassured. It's kind of a primitive feeling -- and it becomes kind of a habit, a lot like addiction; to ease it you have to start by accepting that it's in you (for now).

It can be almost like another person you're living with, except you can't resolve your problems with it by moving out. You just need to find ways to calm it down and keep it calm maybe by building counter habits that soothe that part of yourself. It seems to be partly biological (genetic) and partly environmental. And it's NOT your fault. Not not not. Also, you will learn to ease it; the more you get mad at it, the more upset you'll get because that fuels the anxiety cycle.

The goal is to break the cycle -- not so much "why do I feel this way??" as "Ok, I feel this way -- how can I start to ease myself back to balance?" Don't resist it -- accept that it's hear and start working with it, as you would with a little child who's frightened. The weird thing is that your anxiety is trying to save you. Show it that you're safe and on its side and it gradually calms down. And don't put yourself on a timetable; it will ease in its own time.

Hope some of this helps.

[Overxomer in reply to Keepgoingeverybody]

Thanks I know it’s gonna be a journey but I know it will help.