Why???

[UnderstandingMyPain]

Why is it so easy to give kind words and support to others but it’s hard to do that for ourselves? (Just a thought I am throwing out there). I noticed with myself I will be there first one to show compassion and care towards others. Be there and give some encouraging words. Then when it’s my turn my thoughts rage against me (sometimes). I’m learning to be gentle with myself as well.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I’m glad you’re learning to treat yourself better. I think women are not taught correctly. It’s everybody else first no matter what.

Just remember you pilot your own plane. You’re too important to let it go down. Take care of yourself. It’s actually the best thing you can do for those you love.

[sweetiepye in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Well said.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thanks Neuronnerd! I am trying day bu day!!! Your absolutely right 💜

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Neuronerd could you please read my latest post and give me your thoughts IF you can! I hope I am not asking too much, it’s just that you give excellent advice

[horizonwatch]

Oh, how I can relate to you. I think caring for ourselves and attending to our own needs is especially difficult for those of us who are extremely empathic. Also for those of us that grew up with parents and other caregivers who gave us the message, overtly or covertly, that our feelings and needs don't matter and that we must push down and silence our own needs. So we can become adults who are blind and deaf to our own needs and we can deplete ourselves by constantly making what other people want more important than what we want. I have found in my life that this is truly a recipe for disaster. It's a recipe for being used, abused and depleted to the point making ourselves sick and having our lives stolen from us. I'm learning that we must pay attention to and fulfill our own needs. Otherwise, we will be so miserable and so depleted, that we will have NOTHING to give to anyone else! Our needs and happiness are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to horizonwatch]

You’re so righttttt!! I have noticed my mother was the same way. I watched her take care of others that she did lose herself. She may never admit it but I want to break that cycle that my daughter sees the importance of her own value and thoughts.

[Hidden]

I get it. I take care of everyone. I am the only one working and caring for my child. I do everything from earning the money, paying the bills, making breakfast and taking my daughter to school. My husband does nothing including not working. I just feel like I have to keep things going but I'm very angry that is all up to me and I'm failing by myself. I have to help everyone so they are okay but I can't help but be resentful. It's all for nothing.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Hidden]

Awwww 💜 trust me I know your pain, PLeASe read my latest post you will see we are very similar in the sense of our marriages. A lot of similarities, it’s like we are sisters from another mother lol ❤️

[Hidden in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

We are soul sisters. I am here for you., 😊

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Hidden]

Yay!!! 💜 isn’t it amazing how we can deal with so much and still have compassion. I know the frustration you have when you feel like your alone and taking care of a home especially when you have children. Sometimes you wonder, huh why can’t he see my pain and love me!

[Hidden in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

Yes, but I will still love him and stick by his side.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Hidden]

I do admire that a lot. I know for me I couldn’t do it any longer. I would come home and he would not say one word. He wouldn’t ask me how my day was nothing. He spent more time showing other females attention. He had multiple affairs. We wouldn’t even speak. He would sleep. I had enough and I had to get out I felt suffocated in the sense of dealing with a man who didn’t love himself enough to love his family. I admire marriages that can work. Keep pushing strong

[Hidden in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

You will be fine without him. My husband loves me but just won't work. We will deal with that but we are still best friends.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Hidden]

Okay that’s something you can help him with in the sense of giving him emotional support. He might feel like as a man he should be doing something to help! It can be hard on him too

[SoberDrunk1]

Eckhart Tolles work helped me a lot. He talks about the "Voice in the Head" which constantly has a committee. It could be the worst critic. He suggests we observe those internal dialog and let go. Recognizing that its not you. The first chapter of his book Power of Now is "You are not your Mind". We are beyond mind. The problem is we get identified with the mind and suffer. You can read his book A new Earth and then Power of Now.

Here is an instance he talks about how the human mind would have operated:

In The Power of Now, I mentioned my observation that after two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times; thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened.

If the duck had a human mind, it would keep the fight alive by thinking, by storymaking.

This would probably be the duck's story: “I don't believe what he just did. He came to within five inches of me. He thinks he owns this pond. He has no consideration for my private space. I'll never trust him again. Next time he'll try something else just to annoy me. I'm sure he's plotting something already. But I'm not going to stand for this. I'll teach him a lesson he won't forget.” And on and on the mind spins its tales, still thinking and talking about it days, months, or years later. As far as the body is concerned, the fight is still continuing, and the energy it generates in response to all those thoughts is emotion, which in turn generates more thinking. This becomes the emotional thinking of the ego. you can see how problematic the duck's life would become if it had a human mind. But this is how most humans live all the time.

No situation or event is ever really finished. The mind and the mind made “me and my story” keep it going.

We are a species that ahas lost its way. everything natural, every flower or tree, and every animal have important lessons to teach us if we would only stop, look and listen. Our duck's lesson is this: Flap your wings – which translates as “let go of the story” and return to the only place of power: the present moment.

[All_alone]

Same here. I'm very hard on myself.