Why does everything have to feel so hard? Everything a struggle everything involves pain
I’m struggling to breath I feel like I’m drowning the music can’t get loud enough I feel like killing anyone that crosses me. Death is not to far away it may be seen as something cowardly but it’s the only way to end this pain I keep trying but keep falling my chest hurts my heart is pounding I just want to close my eye to drip off and never wake again
Fishmonster, an answer to why some of us have to struggle would be nice...sadly I don't have an answer either, but try and remember this is a moment in time that will pass. Try and concentrate on your breathing if you can, slowly in your nose and out your mouth. How about being outside, does that help? Are you on any medication?
I have been where you are, thinking that death would be so much better than this but we both know that's the depression and anxiety talking. Fight this fishmonster, you are worth It! Please seek help with these feelings of hurting yourself. I don't know you but I know your pain and my heart goes out to you. I want you to feel better. I care about you and your feelings and if you think talking would help any message me, I'm here for you.
Remember this? "No matter how dark it gets, morning always comes" You said that in one of your posts 7 months ago
I’m on medication seeing doctors getting ECT every 2 weeks spent a month in a hospital. Been fighting this since I was 6. Morning does come but it seems like it’s taking longer and longer to come I don’t know what to do
Fishmonster Sorry I haven' t read your other posts. May I ask who you have round you ? Family, friends, pets even ?
I understand how you feel, truly. Without going into too much detail (I don't mind sharing, just don't want to bore people) I have spent time on a mental health ward, where I also had ETC. That was nearly 25 years ago but still I come back to the 'I really don't want to be alive' times. For all the reasons we both understand.
But there can be good times, even the smallest things can make it worth it. For me that can be morning walks with my dogs and marvel at the beauty & wonder of nature. For you that may be the enjoyment in your music perhaps ?
The reason I ask if you have people / pets around you is I think at my darkest times I know I have to think of them. Particularly my dogs and cats as they wouldn't understand but I know how sad they would be without me. It doesn't take away the pain or necessarily make things any easier, but it is nice to know you are loved. Whether that be by a parent, partner or pet, contemplating suicide is not fair on those that love us.
My brother committed suicide and it is a hard thing to live with. The what ifs and the whys. Although I understand, it still hurts.
One thing that does help me when very worked up, is a hot deep bath with some 7 chakaras on Youtube.
I hope that helps
Hello, I just want to let you know that you are NOT ALONE! Everyone goes through anxiety at some point in life and we all understand, I know it can be a pain in the a** and some days are harder than others but I promise you IT GETS BETTER!! The rain doesn’t last forever soon the sun will shine. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?
I am 32 and it’s been raining a long time
Pain has a way of making life lessons stick so we don’t make them again. That is how I like to look at it.
So what if my life lesson is that it’s not really worth living?
I was only sharing how I try to rationalize all the pain I go through. I have felt life was not worth living.
I know this too well. A few days ago I had a nervous breakdown and started smashing my head against the wall to try and stop my anxiety or at least try to make myself unconscious. I see it as going to war and coming back physically and mentally drained. Everyday is a battle for me. Everyday I hope with all my heart that I can control my anxiety. There are so many things I wish I could do but can't because of my anxiety.
I recommend seeking professional help. I have an appointment myself next week to see one. This battle shouldn't be fought alone. You are not alone, many of the community here understands your struggles.
No, no, no Meli. Please don't hurt yourself in trying to stop anxiety. It won't work as well as you may cause injury to yourself. I'm so glad you have an appointment next week. It doesn't have to be a battle, maybe a challenge but with professional help they will guide you in the right direction. xx
I have been considering taking medicinal marijuana as it is legal where I live. I will be contacting a psychiatrist to see what they think. Does anyone know if it helps with anxiety?
I can't answer on that one Meli, but your psychiatrist would be the best judge of that. x
It helps everyone differently I tried it with no luck
Hmm I see. I don't want marijuana to get high, I want to use it to calm myself down. I know there are different kinds of Marijuana. I'll have to see if it works for me.
Yes the battles are very real hard and overwhelming and you just might ask yourself why but I guess if we think about it that we are fighting many small battles yet with help meds family friends pets whoever maybe we can overcome and win this war
Death is never a distance thought and pain just makes it feel real
The battle I have with anxiety have turned me off from getting married or having kids. I sabatoged my last relationship because I knew the guy I was with would have done anything in his power to help me through the anxiety but I couldn't do that to him. Life with anxiety and depression is hard and I loved him too much that I couldn't allow it. He was the love of my life but I'll rather not drag him into it.
I have told him things I am not proud of and now he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. It hurts really bad but at least he can have a better life with someone else. A part of me believes that the pain of losing him may have played a big part on my relapse.
Right now I am trying to live one day at a time. I decided to read books to keep my mind off the negativity.
why am I alive?
Why? 
Why
Why I wanted to escape..
There’s just too much pain
