Body image issues πŸ˜•: I've struggled... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Body image issues πŸ˜•

ashleybakerr01 profile image
β€’11 Replies

I've struggled all my life with body image issues. Lately, it's been worse. I've been heavy set all my life. Then when I got really bad and stopped eating after the loss of my baby...I got really small. I always heard how I'm too tiny and when I used to always hear. I needed a diet and such. I can feel myself gaining weight...which is a good thing. But also scares me I've always tried losing weight...now having to gain some...it just terrifies me honestly. I don't want to end up being really big again.

I just needed to rant πŸ˜•

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ashleybakerr01 profile image
ashleybakerr01
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11 Replies
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ashleybakerr01 profile image
ashleybakerr01

I don't think I'll ever feel confident in my body

litethatnevergoesout profile image
litethatnevergoesout in reply to ashleybakerr01

you’ll always be just the right size.

LadyZen profile image
LadyZen

I give myself a 15lb weight range that I'm satisfied in. I try to stay within 110 to 125. I picked this range because this is the weight I can maintain by eating healthy, splurging every now and then to treat myself, and exercising regularly. Sometimes I'm in the higher part of the range, sometimes the lower. But exactly where doesn't matter, as long as I know I'm eating healthy and exercising.

CL3V3R-G1RL profile image
CL3V3R-G1RL

As I'm Hispanic I hear this all the time from family and it drives me nuts! I used to be big myself. But then I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism. To help my thyroid out, I dropped some weight. Dropped about 20lbs. Went from 183lb to 163. Not bad. But could be better. Then I had the worst anxiety attack ever in my life cause by drugs and my idiot doctor at the time not taking my issues seriously. Went through a depression period. Dropped down to 122 lbs. Not where I wanted to be. Then I got a series of illnesses. Got food poisoning and UTI. Got over that ended up at 118. Then got a stomach bug and ended up at 114. I'm 5'6. So I'm not in danger of being malnourished or being considered dangerously thin.

But I get told by my grandma and my dad of how thin I am. That I don't look healthy enough. I'm trying to put back on weight. But it hasn't been easy because those illnesses made me afraid of getting sick and fear of vomiting. I'm trying to overcome it. I am now 119 now.

I'm trying to get to where I feel comfortable which is 135 maybe 140. But it's been slow process and I feel bad that it's taken me this long to get to 119. I'm trying.

I just get tired of hearing " OMG you're sooo skinny! You really need to eat something." πŸ™„

ashleybakerr01 profile image
ashleybakerr01 in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL

Omg I relate to this too much! I always hear that! I'm like 130 now. So I think I'm ok? But I still get told I'm to small. Like there's no winning πŸ˜”I'm 5'3 so I'm short and was actually really malnourished...i got down to 103pounds months ago ...it was bad. So I mean when they say I'm too small still, I say hey I'm not under 110 anymore so

CL3V3R-G1RL profile image
CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to ashleybakerr01

If you feel good at 130 then be 130. Tell people to stick it lol I tell my dad when he mentions my wait that I'm a healthy 119 and shouldn't he be more focused on his wait being 236 at 5'10.

As long as you feel great. You're not starving yourself and you are getting plenty of veggies or fruit. Or at least doing the best you can with that. Cause I know I can't do 5servings of fruit in a day. Getting water in ya. (again something I'm not great at either lol) You are fine.

Hopefully I can join you in the 130 club. I feel most comfortable there. Because I have a big head and being 119 makes me look like a lollipop 🍭 130 is the sweet spot. But I'll settle for 125 at least.

LifeIsThePitts profile image
LifeIsThePitts

Hey there πŸ€— I'm 49, 5'2" and 108 lbs. I've had body image, weight and food issues all my life. I'm pretty sure I have body dysmorphia issues, too. I've been 103-155 lbs, and every size from 0-14. I totally understand your frustrations from both inner and outer sources.

Finding a nutritious whole foods diet that compliments my personal likes and flavors was the best way for me to regulate my weight. Nothing beats real food when trying to stabilize your weight long term. But it's hard and expensive to eat organic. Me and hubby eat at home 99% of the time. We cook everything. We cook our dogs food. They don't eat kibble. We spent around $300 a week at multiple grocery stores and our fridge is empty every Sunday.

I've done fad diets and starvation and food restriction all my life. I still revert to restrictions when I feel like I'm losing control of my life as a way of dealing with extreme anxiety and depression. My sweet dog passed away 10 days ago and I have been binging on junk food and sugary snacks nonstop. But! I know it's temporary and I'm trying to be VERY compassionate to myself while I'm processing one of the biggest losses and grieving for my very first dog.

Don't pay attention to what others say about your body. You're already hyper aware and sensitive to your appearance. I know how hard it is to feel scrutinized, even if it is coming from a place of sincerity from outside sources and people that care about you. Do what you know is right for you and your well-being. Lady Zens reply is a great idea to get you feeling better and giving yourself a healthy range to gauge yourself by.

I try not to obsess about the scale anymore. But it's really hard to break old habits. If my clothes fit well, I'm ok. The number is not relevant.

Keep doing what you feel is best for yourself. If you're happy at 130, that's All that matters. You're PERFECT just the way you are πŸ’•πŸ«‚

ashleybakerr01 profile image
ashleybakerr01 in reply to LifeIsThePitts

Thank youu

LoveforAll41 profile image
LoveforAll41 in reply to LifeIsThePitts

I get on the binging side more. This is fine and I can forgive myself for it sometimes...but I usuallly feel like I have to exercise to feel better. It is a worth thing. What do you do to show compassion for yourself in the binging times LifeIsThePitts? The eating disorder page on here does not really have any contributors. I can eat ice cream, my favorite, if I plan on it, but it too can spiral me out of control in the all or nothing view and then I am eating bags of cereal... My anxiety is something I try to avoid by eating then I am depressed feeling bad about myself and it can start from feeling anxious about work on a Sunday night or caving and drinking one of my coworker's mtn dews... so exhausting

LoveforAll41 profile image
LoveforAll41 in reply to LifeIsThePitts

What do you like to do to show yourself compassion if you are restricting or binging LifeIsThePitts? I get in ruts and really struggle to feel good about myself until I exercise. If I don't exercise I despair that I am not doing what I know will help me feel good about myself and sink into hopelessness...

LifeIsThePitts profile image
LifeIsThePitts in reply to LoveforAll41

I've only just started to acknowledge my mixed bag of feelings around food issues and body image. I suspect I'm somewhat body dysmorphic because what I see in the mirror does not "reflect" reality....I see only flaws and what I perceive as being defects in my image.

I've had unhealthy relationships with exercise, too. I've literally run myself into the ground because I tied my self worth to my 'routine' which when I pushed myself too far and into injury, I couldn't stop beating myself up out of fear of gaining weight and being a failure. Which was COMPLETELY out of line and unwarranted. Punishing myself for something as stupid as missing an hour long run.

That's when historically I crash and burn and dive into the blackness of depression where I'll not get out of bed for days, weeks, months... it's never clear once an episode begins how long it will last until I regain my strength and motivation.

I sleep to escape my mental burden.

This year I've started being more lenient, less stringent, with how I talk to myself. When I feel like I'm berating my inner child, or when my inner child acts out, I TRY to put distance between myself and the emotional tiraid and think....if a friend of mine came to me with these thoughts and insecurities, what would my advice be for her? That's snaps me into a different line of conversation in my head and let's me assess things more clearly than just beating the crap out of myself without end.

Plus my diet is really clean these days, so my binging is not killing me at the moment...and I'm going through grieving loss of my dog, so I'm being extra Nice to me right now.

I haven't stepped on the scale in over a week. And normally I obsess over that dang device. But I can't see a number right now that will set me off any more than I already am. So I'm avoiding it until I get my grief eating back under control.

I don't know if this helps you at all... but I'll definitely help or talk about it if you want to. It's not easy to overcome body image problems when they're tied to our self worth....I'm here for you πŸ«‚πŸ’ž

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