Understanding

[Nickibmibile]

Yesterday I had an appointment with a Consultant Psychiatrist, I've had depression most of my life sometimes it's overpowering but mostly I cope.

This appointment was because following heart surgery I had suffered "trauma" and for some reason my legs wouldn't work. I spent almost three months in hospital when I should've only have been there ten days at most.

Anyway I've learnt how to walk again, it looks a bit odd but I can get around now using a walking frame.

Clearly all of this has effected my mental health but I hadn't realised quite how much until yesterday.

The Doctor was so kind, he really listened to me and I felt heard. I haven't felt like that for a very long time.

He feels my current medication is no longer working for me so he is going to work out a better regime. It's a little complicated because I take Warfarin and a lot of antidepressants have contraindications but I'm confident he'll find me something.

At the moment I just want to disappear, melt into the background until I no longer exist. It's not a good place to be.

My heart operation went really well and I should be full of life and enjoying my daughter and three year old granddaughter but I'm struggling, I am irritable and short tempered or worse I just sit and cry.

The Doctor asked if I'd enjoyed anything recently and I said the dumbest thing, I told him I really enjoyed the newest Dr Who episode. What on earth was that all about??

Actually I'm not really sure what the purpose of this post is, I don't talk to many people so maybe it's just that.

It felt nice being listened to yesterday ...

[Krn210]

I don’t think that is dumb at all. You must have enjoyed the episode, and that is ok! It is important to feel heard and I am happy for you that you got that yesterday. ❤️

[ElephantsHear]

It sounds like you’ve had a very rough couple of months. I’m glad you felt heard and it sounds like the appointment has given you hope. It sounds like you’ve worked hard to re-gain independence Be kind to yourself. I’ve heard that heart surgery can really mess with your emotions. I’m glad you have family. Hugs.

[Ford_prefect42]

I don't have a lot to give here, but as someone who is going through a similar situation (I should be enjoying life but instead I'm struggling to walk after surgery) I understand the frustration and depression. I'm really glad you liked the new Dr who episode... To me you're amazing. I'm glad you're talking to a therapist. I really hope you improve soon. I'm proud of you

[LadyZen]

It sounds like you've been through a lot and just needed to offload some of that weight. I hope you feel better now. I just recently learned that heart surgery can have mental health effects.