partner feeling down

[keeley24]

Just looking for advice on how to help someone through low mood. Over the past few week my partner has been feeling down. It is a side effect of Kepra medication he has to take to control his epilepsy. I’ve known him for over 8 years but only seen him regularly (daily) from April last year we been in relationship from October last year. I’ve always known he has epilepsy and on medication for it but never knew which one or the side effects til now.

Over the last few weeks I have noticed some changes but not really thought anything of them til now. First he stopped going to gym exercise classes a few week back. I asked if he was ok when he first stopped and he said yea he just didn’t want to go. So as everything else seemed normal I assumed he’d just got bored of them. He still goes to aqua classes so thought he preferred them. Earlier this week he mentioned to me he hates Christmas cos he has always been on his own for it he was hoping to spend it with his brothers this year who he hardly ever sees but they aren’t going to their parents. So it will be the first Christmas me and him have spent together. On Tuesday we went on train and coming back he had already got his ticket for a certain time as they are cheaper. I hadn’t got mine as I wasn’t sure what time I’d need to get so as we get to station he’s rushing ahead as the train he had ticket for was due to leave in a few minutes. I try to get the same time ticket as him but they were sold out so I had to get the one for the train after only 20 min later so I was like oh well we will have to get different trains. But he was panicking and talked to train conductor and said we are travelling together but had to get tickets for different times. They did let me on the same train as him but really surprised me how bothered he was that we may not get on the same train.

Same day I went to a gym class while he went for a swim and I parked and got a ticket which was only a few minutes after I’d parked up. Annoying but it’s bothered him more than me as it seems the traffic warden must have watched us leave the car to put a ticket on. He feels it’s stalking to do that. But unfortunately he will be seen as doing his job. But it seemed to bother my partner. It is my car and me who’s got the fine not him.

Yesterday we went out for a meal and he seemed to want to cuddle more than usual and kept asking me to just cuddle him. He then mentioned he’d be going to the doctors today cos he’d been feeling low cos of medication he’s on so it’s only now I’ve found out how he’s been feeling. He’s said it’s common for him to feel like this in winter it’s not every winter tho and this year is worse than last winter. I asked him today if he’s felt suicidal lately and he said yes yesterday morning. I was with him but had no idea til now.

[Dolphin14]

keeley24

Did your partner get to the medical appointment? What was the outcome?

My best advice is to support him as much as you can without draining yourself.

When he feels suicidal you need to encourage him to seek help or call emergency services to evaluate him.

I wish you both the best

🐬

[keeley24 in reply to Dolphin14]

yea he is being put on SSRI anti depressants. Well yesterday he felt pretty much the same as day before he says night time is the worst. I asked him to promise to always tell me how he’s feeling and if he wants to carry out his feelings to tell me and he’s said he will so at least if he does get to stage of wanting to commit suicide I could stay with him. He lives alone at minute we are starting spending odd nights together in hope of living together in future. One thing that seems to help him through this is talking about hopefully trying for children maybe next year. It’s what we both want so something to focus his mind on.

He said cuddling makes him feel better so cuddling a lot right now. I’ve never had depression and never dealt with it so no idea what it’s like. One of my exes had it which caused us to split up cos he had it over losing his wife before I met him so at least I know this is not the same and my partner seems to want to be with me more right now.

[Dolphin14 in reply to keeley24]

He feels safe with you. Keep doing what you are doing. Please take care of yourself though. I think many of us realize, because we can't understand what's happening sometimes, that we could be draining.

You sound like a wonderful person

[keeley24 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks. He has seemed ok today tho says he’s still felt same. He is carrying on as normal which I guess is a good sign. Just hard to imagine what it’s like for him. I do keep asking and seeing how things go. He’s started anti depressants today so hopefully they will work but could take few weeks. He starts on 1 a day then up to 2 a day after a week so I’m guessing that is for his body to get used to them before having more. Thankfully he prefers to be with me when he’s feeling down which seems to make him ok so that’s good as I can keep an eye on him.

[Dolphin14 in reply to keeley24]

It sounds like things are going as smoothly as they can.

Hopefully the meds will kick in and in a few weeks he will start to feel a bit better.

You've done a wonderful job Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone like you.