I have seasonal depression from November-January because that’s when a lot of bad things happened in my life. It is also around a few holidays and I am depressed during holidays. It is hard for me to ever enjoy holidays. I want to disappear from the earth from November - January. But I can’t. I don’t know what to do.
This year is also the first year that I have to go to school on the anniversary of my brothers death.
Your not alone with that.... there are so many hyped up expectations around holidays and it's when everyone gets together to compare achievement's and 'stuff' and status and labels, and all that nonsense. A sanctioned opportunity and reason to over indulge in drinking, spending, etc. I hated holidays till my sister had kids....they made it a whole new world for me. Now they are grown up and are getting on with their lives, but the memories of their innocence and happiness and wonder of the world are what I choose to remember mostly about holidays now. I never had birthdays, or holidays growing up. And as an adult it was just drudgery for me to do any holidays....kids made it fun. Now I am older and more settled.....I don't have that kind of life any more.... I live hundreds and in some cases thousands of miles away from immediate family. I live in the country with my partner, pets, and the land around us. Simplicity is a well learned and earned lesson in life for me....
Have you looked into light therapy for seasonal affective disorder? The devices are $50-100 on Amazon. Here's an article:
mayoclinic.org/diseases-con...
I have not because my dad would have to buy it for me or whatever and I don’t talk to him about my feelings EVER because he makes me extremely uncomfortable.
I feel you. I did not communicate well with my parents. They were distracted with their own issues when I was growing up and did not relate well to me emotionally.
It may be good to try to be the adult in the relationship. Otherwise you'll be letting their limitations restrict what's available to you. If you approach him with patience and kindness it may shame him into responding the way that a parent should.
I get sad around the holidays, too. I think it's all the family expectations. If I could just live all November and December as normal days, I think it would be easier. But everyone asks such judgemental, prying questions. Even exchanging gifts is stressful for me. My family complains outright if they don't like what I got them. But if I got them nothing they'd harass me even worse. And travel and relationships and all that. For me it gets better immediately the day after Christmass. Wishing you a low-sadness holiday season!!
I agree. I dislike seeing other people happy around holidays as well because I just get jealous of their ability to be happy. It doesn’t get better for me, it just sorts of fades from regular depression to stronger depression back to regular depression. I’m also depressed in the summer because I am not around many people, and being alone makes me a lot worse.
Sorry about your brother. My dad died on Oct 27, twenty years ago, so I think that may be part of the seasonal thing for me, too. I don' think you ever get "over it" but It feels more normal, now.
I suppose you’re right. One of the only people who helped me (without knowing) get through the holidays was my mom. But she recently passed away in September and now I’m worse than I’ve ever been.
I find that some tiny rituals of my own creation help a little. I watch all the peanuts specials (haloween, thanksgiving, Christmas) on the corresponding holiday, or the day before. I like to make sugar cookies the ones your roll out and cut with cookie cutter. Then frost them with lots of different colors. Just make white frosting with powdered sugar and milk, color with food coloring, and decorated them however you like. Don't let anyone else take over. They can help but don't let them tell you how to do it. You can make about any color you want with a 4-pak of food coloring.
My mom and I would usually make some sugar cookies or chocolate chip or peanut butter with Hershey kisses.
That’s a good idea. I just wish I had someone to do it with, because when I do it alone it’s not as enjoyable as well I do it with someone else. I’m usually just as upset afterwards as I was before.
I have tons of triggers from October through February including a few deaths. I feel ya. I often wish I could hibernate for the winter like a bear.
It sucks
Holidays are making me so depressed I cry all the time.
It's that time of year, and others get happier. I sink.
Alone for the holidays
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