I have just had an emotional therapy session. It made me realise that I was displaying behaviours similar to the trauma response of fawning. In short it’s people pleasing and submissive behaviours. It’s ignoring your own needs to take care of others. Taking on a caregiving role and feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.
It’s really difficult to be in my head sometimes, it’s such a cruel place. I am my biggest critique and it’s so so hard when you cannot escape your own thoughts. I am genuinely exhausted of constantly thinking about how people perceive me all the time. Wanting to be liked and loved by everyone. Battling with myself about mistakes. Telling myself I am a bad person and that I need to ensure everyone else doesn’t think that. I’m not sure where this trauma came from, and that’s something I want to work through.
I’m trying to recognise these behaviours and thoughts. I want to stop serving others even where that does not serve me. It’s a journey and I am trying to finally heal🥺 I am going to be kind to myself. I am my toughest opponent.
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Sandpiper14
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It was like a light bulb went off in my head when my therapist told me. Something to deffo look into if you relate. If we understand it, we can try to control it 💛
I haven’t worked on the WHY yet but will explore in the next session, I think it will take a while to get to the deep rooted issue and the answers will be very different to each person. It’s a trauma response and it could happen for a number of reasons.
"I am my own worst enemy." I have heard that many, many times. And I am. I try to stop my negative self talk and practice better self care but often the thoughts become a tornado of flying negative debris. Thanks for your post. Somehow you put into words what happens in a very understandable way.
I can relate to your feelings of worrying about others' perception if you. I too feel strained and exhausted from being in my own mind and being a self-critic to a fault. I have found a therapist who focuses on Mindfulness which is different than typical talk therapy.
The meditations talk you through being internally tuned in to your reactions and how to potentially re-program your responses and "reactions.".
Good luck to you. It's not an easy place to be each day. It is tiring and stressful. You are resilient and strong. You have recognized your needs which can help reset your journey. Godspeed.
I can identify with telling myself I am a bad person and that I need to ensure everyone else doesn’t think that. It's exhausting isn't it. People are going to think what their going to think anyway, good or bad. I guess what matters the most is how we think or perceive our selves to be. I'm with you in your struggle, it's hard to love ourselves when we feel so lousey about ourselves.
Very much exhausting and unattainable! We cannot expect every single person to like us and we shouldn’t want that either. I want to be content with myself before considering anyone else’s views on me💛
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