Trauma response

[Sandpiper14]

Hi guys,

I have just had an emotional therapy session. It made me realise that I was displaying behaviours similar to the trauma response of fawning. In short it’s people pleasing and submissive behaviours. It’s ignoring your own needs to take care of others. Taking on a caregiving role and feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.

It’s really difficult to be in my head sometimes, it’s such a cruel place. I am my biggest critique and it’s so so hard when you cannot escape your own thoughts. I am genuinely exhausted of constantly thinking about how people perceive me all the time. Wanting to be liked and loved by everyone. Battling with myself about mistakes. Telling myself I am a bad person and that I need to ensure everyone else doesn’t think that. I’m not sure where this trauma came from, and that’s something I want to work through.

I’m trying to recognise these behaviours and thoughts. I want to stop serving others even where that does not serve me. It’s a journey and I am trying to finally heal🥺 I am going to be kind to myself. I am my toughest opponent.

[Sandpiper14]

I know that I am not alone in these feelings.

Yeah I am looking forward to seeing where therapy takes me although it is emotionally draining, I hope it is worth it!

[Hidden]

Wow alarm bells just rang

[Sandpiper14 in reply to Hidden]

It was like a light bulb went off in my head when my therapist told me. Something to deffo look into if you relate. If we understand it, we can try to control it 💛

[Hidden in reply to Sandpiper14]

Did you get any insight ? Into why WE act this way ? Why the need to be caregivers?

[Sandpiper14 in reply to Hidden]

I haven’t worked on the WHY yet but will explore in the next session, I think it will take a while to get to the deep rooted issue and the answers will be very different to each person. It’s a trauma response and it could happen for a number of reasons.

[Hidden in reply to Sandpiper14]

Good luck to you . You definitely sound like you're making progress

[Sandpiper14 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I think I am too 🥹

[Awee]

And remember - YOU ARE WORTH IT!! There’s no problem in taking a step back, think of the affect on you, and just ‘reset’. Best wishes

[Sandpiper14 in reply to Awee]

Thank you so much. I struggled for so long with my self worth and knocking myself down, I don’t want to go on like that 💛

[Mrspjsmom]

"I am my own worst enemy." I have heard that many, many times. And I am. I try to stop my negative self talk and practice better self care but often the thoughts become a tornado of flying negative debris. Thanks for your post. Somehow you put into words what happens in a very understandable way.

[Sandpiper14 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

I can’t take the credit, I have a good therapist who helped me understand and I thought maybe others here could relate💛

[Madigansmom]

I can relate to your feelings of worrying about others' perception if you. I too feel strained and exhausted from being in my own mind and being a self-critic to a fault. I have found a therapist who focuses on Mindfulness which is different than typical talk therapy.

Try using this app: Mindfulness Coach, free on the App Store and Google Play! Android: play.google.com/store/apps/...

iOS: apps.apple.com/us/app/mindf...

The meditations talk you through being internally tuned in to your reactions and how to potentially re-program your responses and "reactions.".

Good luck to you. It's not an easy place to be each day. It is tiring and stressful. You are resilient and strong. You have recognized your needs which can help reset your journey. Godspeed.

[Sandpiper14 in reply to Madigansmom]

Thank you so much, I will definitely download that app. I really appreciate your comments! 💛

[Madigansmom in reply to Sandpiper14]

🙂🙂

[Hidden]

I can identify with telling myself I am a bad person and that I need to ensure everyone else doesn’t think that. It's exhausting isn't it. People are going to think what their going to think anyway, good or bad. I guess what matters the most is how we think or perceive our selves to be. I'm with you in your struggle, it's hard to love ourselves when we feel so lousey about ourselves.

[Sandpiper14 in reply to Hidden]

Very much exhausting and unattainable! We cannot expect every single person to like us and we shouldn’t want that either. I want to be content with myself before considering anyone else’s views on me💛

I hope we can both just grow stronger in this 🥹

[Hidden in reply to Sandpiper14]

Amen to that!