struggle bus......yet again

[mizzou7016]

Why am I struggling with feeling sad/bad about an Offender's medical condition....why can't I turn off my give a darn......why....

[Hidden]

Worrying, thinking all part of the deal being human and caring and loving marvelous human being that is always there for others

Complicated life and we are all victims. We suffer because we care.

Strength in your weakness

You are good person/human being that is why

Your kind soul and feel deeply

[mizzou7016 in reply to Hidden]

but why......why must i feel so deeply.......sometimes it stinks to high heaven....and then i don't really feel like i have an outlet to scream and yell at...

[Hidden in reply to mizzou7016]

I know in my job I have become to attached but sometimes you have to be in the moment to cope, now and relaxation is so important to cope next time. Scream into your pillow - all natural, punch it cope anyway you can. Soft music to help you piano or flute. Me it is 'Elvis Preseley' always does trick. Please cook something nice and enjoy the meal and relax. Try hot shower or bath with scented candles. Try at very least to calm the moment

Share your thoughts in journal - let it out

Posts always help it gives us a way to cope

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

say some prayers and let God handle it - prayers help

[Cherryfizz34]

[GlowingDarkly]

Allow yourself to make some space with in your head. I feel like this is a standard suggestion but meditation and trying to literally switch off thinking processes for a period of time could give you enough of a gap to help you emotionally distance away from that situation a little.

Most importantly, be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to ‘not care’ a little. Doing so won’t mean you actually don’t care anymore, but sometimes you need to prioritize your own self before you can care about another person. Sorta like those instructions on a plane when they have the O2 masks drop and the attendant tells you it’s important to secure your own mask before helping another person. Because you might pass out before you can actually help the person next to you! Then you’re both in trouble!

[mizzou7016 in reply to GlowingDarkly]

That's just it....don't have time to make space...made for a 16 hour day yesterday.......by the time it was all said and done only had 4 hours of sleep...right back to the grindstone...luckily my lt. gave me a little leeway on what time i had to be here..and i'm in trouble anyway....sometimes I feel way too deeply for my own good

[GlowingDarkly in reply to mizzou7016]

That sounds incredibly difficult. I am sorry that you are so overwhelmed and aren’t able to afford that space because of responsibilities. Am I naive in inquiring if you are able to request an extra 10-15min break on your shift more than might be alotted? Or would that just be a drop in the bucket and cause more trouble than it’s worth? I am just thinking along the lines of looking for ways to carve space out where seemingly there is none.

Really sounds you need a vacation.

Well keep venting all you need and want, I will listen!

[mizzou7016 in reply to GlowingDarkly]

not so much a vacation as it to be August 1, 2024....ready to move on

[Hidden]

beauty of kindness - helping others through life

beauty of heart

[litethatnevergoesout]

is this about the inmate you escorted to the hospital that found out his cancer has spread throughout his body?

[mizzou7016 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

it's more along the lines of he had been having issues for 5 months and this was his initial diagnosis....yes.....part of it......

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to mizzou7016]

It’s difficult to have to live life being expected to have a distinct line separating you from other human beings, to just not let things affect you, it’s obviously hard coming to terms with how much you are able to allow yourself to care and the expected distance you should have with inmates.

honestly when I read your post about the diagnosis all I could think of was how surprised I was he was even allowed to go get diagnosed. hard facts are the prison system, especially Missouri, has no problems letting inmates pass away in their cells. you’re mental and emotional well being isn’t really on anyone’s list in that facility either. you’re not supposed to care you’re supposed to be savage. I know someone already asked but I can’t remember, are you seeing any sort of therapist? You’re going to retire but you’ve got the rest of your life to live and I picture moments like this continuing to haunt you, tony.

[Attaloss01]

I would suggest that if it is 'over caring ' then use some extra self care. If it's human empathy I would say it is gift, as long as at some point you can turn it off or dial it back. Maybe you're just not overly judgemental... another gift. Just some thots

[mizzou7016]

sometimes I disagree....sometimes I wish i could shut that crap down and feel nothing....NOTHING!!! but fortunately....or unfortunately.....won't happen....because I always feel SOMETHING

[AnxiousSilver]

"Why am I struggling with feeling sad/bad about an Offender's medical condition....why can't I turn off my give a darn......why...."

I'm sure some of this is a, "Cop thing", but guys in general (myself included) aren't sometimes thrilled with being an empath.

Why? Simple, society basically tells us not to be one, and that part is kinda rough.

.

Here.. I know that deep down inside it's a strength, but it's hard, really really hard for males to be one. Sadly that's more of a society thing, I guess.

.

Here.. I was bullied and beat up a lot as a kid.

Other kids knew that I couldn't really fight back, and many of them told me I was an easy target. (I have that baggage)

.

But.. On the other hand, I've been in a support group type of atmosphere for apx 20 years, trying to get help and give help to others.

So.. I guess that would be a good thing from it.

.

Either way, it's still hard at times (a lot of times) to be a male with this, but I'm trying my best (waaaaaaay easier said than done) to make the most of it.

[mizzou7016 in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Thanks...it's nice to know that someone else has this problem....it's a lot different.....

[AnxiousSilver in reply to mizzou7016]

Yeah..

[Dolphin14]

I think it's a nice quality to have, especially in your field of work. Your inmates are people.

Do you have employee services for debriefing or job related stress counseling?

🐬

[SayNOtoPanic]

Idk why, but u sure aren’t alone. And I feel for u. For me I feel like that’s one of those things that drives anxiety disorder. Some people say oh it’s being hyper aware/caring. But yes it sucks especially cause it’s extra anxiety evoking. Hang in there mizzou. Vent as much as you need to. Hugs.

[moxoni237]

Sorry to hear sometimes we get overwhelmed by other peoples reactions which can crush our self esteem and our mood sometimes takes the strain feelings get disturbed by our stresses cause or effect emotional being a understanding is a natural feeling of respect and learning resilience learning to rise above by leaving the past behind that and channelling effect with sharing letting light in not to worry courage changing focus with clarity from others mind setting and everything works for good

[Teaching]

It's because you are human and have conscience. You feel the pain of others because you have empathy. Some people don't have this qualities and they keep harming others without feeling anything. You are different because you feel other people's pain and cannot deliberately harm someone.

[TailWags]

I dont know if it will help you, but it clicked with me. My therapist told me you can never feel bad enough to make someone else feel better. So feeling bad wont help the person. Sometimes that helps me.

[Mumbutterfly]

It seems like your empathy is getting stronger the closer you get to your retirement. Could it be because you’re concerned that they won’t have someone to care as much as you do? If so, could you make arrangements for visiting and offering a listening ear once a week/month so that you know you will be able to continue to stay in contact. I know that preachers are allowed to visit but don’t know what the restrictions are for others.

I know that you’re looking forward to not having to be there all the time but maybe part of you is unsure what your life is going to be like without your work. I’ve heard retirement is harder for men so maybe that’s part of it too. Making a plan for your daily life afterwards might help ease some of that anxiety. Volunteering there and other places, getting a part time job, taking art or other types of classes, and so forth.

[mizzou7016 in reply to Mumbutterfly]

Actually thinking about getting my EMT license so I can continue to provide public safety care