How Can I Manage my Anxiety & Fear from a Job Phantom?

[GlowingDarkly]

I wanted to post about this here yesterday but I felt a little emotionally shut down. It should be something to look forward to but I can’t help but to feel my anxiety building around my heart.

I got a call for a job interview for a “Promotions Coordinator” position at a casino. I honestly didn’t remember applying to that one specifically and so that alone caught me off guard. I began to look up the original job posting/description and run through the list of duties, etc. just to understand the role a bit more. But that has felt like a mistake because I just have more questions than I have answers. It sounds like a high-stress job that will cause me to lose my weekends and work OT, and both those things sound like hell for me.

I feel incredibly selfish and foolish for trying to prioritize my Saturdays as a space where I can go out and socialize - I have a regular in-person D&D game I attend roughly every other Saturday and I think it has been a huge anchor for me over the past 6 years or so, keeping me from completely withdrawing from the world.

My brain keeps trying to search for more information, something to latch onto something I really like or want from this position outside of gaining a source of income. There are just so many unknown factors for me and I am trying to stop myself from spiraling out of control, getting overwhelmed and then making an unwise, anxiety driven bad decision.

I woke up again this morning with a pounding heart. I made my first appt to seek some kind of medication but that process seems to be painfully slow. My need isn’t DIRE so I have to wait until the end of month (31st) just to see someone about a physical and then a REFERRAL to talk to someone about maybe getting what I need. Holy Crap.

I am right now on state sponsored health insurance so I am just happy I can get something rolling, but this whole process has me nervous as I feel only really expensive insurance can net someone a good doctor that cares. I dunno, it sounds silly but I have had a really hard time trusting Psychiatrists ever since I was a kid in High School because of a DISASTROUS experience that I blame (in part) for how my life is so off track and out of whack.

I want this to all go away. I feel like hiding again.

[GlowingDarkly]

Thank you sharing this!

I feel so desperate to have an income again that I feel that my fear will trap me in another situation where fail at my job and burn bridges.

Sometimes I fantasize about a corporation out there that specializes in hiring people with mental health/anxiety issues and coaching people to re-integrate them back into a healthier routine in the workplace.

[Midori in reply to GlowingDarkly]

You don't have to accept it even if you are offered it. You already feel it would be too much for you. It would be better to keep looking than have your confidence further eroded by not doing well at this one.

Cheers, Midori

[GlowingDarkly]

I found this website, but for folks in Australia: epicassist.org so like at least this concept is out there in the world!