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Self-Absorption: The Root of All Psychological Evil vs. Self-Acceptance and Compassion (Dr. Leon Seltzer)

Gandolfication profile image
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This morning, a good friend and former girlfriend I've been keeping in touch with as we're supporting each other through some difficult times, in relation to my recounting the throes of depression I've found myself in lately, kindly convicted me about looking up and outward more in selflessness instead of self absorption.

Ouch, except that I knew it was meant with kindness and thus I could hear it. I tried to and did work on this in therapy, although results feel gossamer thin and ephemeral. Maybe it's like bathing - yes it's temporary and has to be done pretty frequently, but its worth it.

It hearkened me immediately back to a 3-part series of the most profoundly practical articles I've ever read in psychology, by Dr. Leon Seltzer. Two are below; and I'll find the third. They speak very well for themselves (probably because Dr. Seltzer's other PhD is in English).

I find practicing self acceptance and compassion a challenge (and I did not find reading Dr. Kristen Neff's original book on it helpful either); but I also know it is the path to human connection, which to me is what makes life worth living. I intend to come back and write more on the "how-to" of this for me later. My now friend, made only the specific recommendation to focus more on those she knew I really want to help anyway - my clients, friends, family and kids. Duh, but I so constantly get bogged down and lose site of it in distraction and rumination. It's helped me this morning do what I've needed to do.

Thus strangely, even while I still am in, or close to, the throes of suicidal depression, anxiety and dysfunction right now, being reminded in this fearsome tough love ability to be convicted without judgment and condemnation, as said former GF-turned friend--was able to do, is so very hopeful and helpful in ways that to me are nearly ineffable.

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Gandolfication profile image
Gandolfication

Huh, wow, I can easily imagine that. I want to add that I LOVE her work. A couple of your videos on YouTube and TED about self compassion (SC) vs. self esteem, and Objections to SC, I think are magnificent, and I am so glad she developed this whole school that has come now to dominate evidence-based psychology. If you do find any concrete ways of effectively practicing or applying self compassion, I do hope you'll share them back here. Maybe it really is almost entirely about practicing mindfulness, common humanity, and kindness through self care and affirmations?

Her website has some free audio exercises, and a self-compassion assessment that I think are good.

instead of getting her workbook, I'm theoretically working through Steven Hayes' companion workbook to Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life on ACT, and I'm about done with this book, which even though I always naively look for a panacea, I think is pretty good: The Self-Acceptance Project: How to Be Kind and Compassionate Toward Yourself in Any Situation.amazon.com/dp/1622034678?ps...

Nothing_but_books profile image
Nothing_but_books in reply toGandolfication

In case anyone's interested, I just found Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life free on Libby.

I wasn't clear if there was a companion workbook to go along with Get Out of Your Mind. Could you let me know? Thanks.

Thanks for the links. I'm a little to foggy to process well. What I did get mattered to me.

Gandolfication profile image
Gandolfication

Yes, there is. I'll also say that I've LISTENED to the audio book of Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life 3x. The narrator is bad, which usually is a deal breaker for me. But this book, which I had several strong references for, has become to me, the most challenging, tough and perhaps deep and meaningful self help / evidence-based therapy book I've ever encountered. I guess it is at this time still the only true, full treatment of ACT as such, I've taken in, but it's just endlessly profound, challenging and fascinating to me.

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