Fear of other's judgement

[J-Getting-Better]

I feel overwhelmed by the regrets and "what if I did this" scenarios since this morning's psychology session.

As I sit in the library, with my laptop opened, ready to write a lab report. My mind drifted away and I started panicking. The lab report was the trigger, it reminded me of interactions I had with my lab class group member.

In the lab class, I feel less capable than my group member, I believe they are more intelligent and more efficient, that they communicate better, and has better interpersonal skills.

There are also regretful moments in my interactions with them. How I did not explain the concepts clearly when being asked, how I pretended to know the answer when I did not, and how I did not stay firm to my ideas when being challenged.

So as I am working on the lab report, fragments of memories and disapproving voices intensify. I am fearful of how my lab partners will perceive me: were they talking behind my back? were they regretting being on a team with me? did they create a separate team chat without me?

Then, "what if" voices jump in. What if I bring this up in our appointment this morning, will I feel better now?

And there are extra regrets. Why did I say "I am feeling great" when I am actually not? Why did I pretend to be cheerful when I was far from okay inside?

Thank you for your time if you have read this email til the last. I am endeavored to practice self-compassion, and to terminate self-judgement.

[gerrerd]

Look on past mistakes as lessons. Life lesson, then move on being wiser from what you learned. If we didnt make mistake we would not learn anything and would be unable to grow into a better person. Ray

[J-Getting-Better in reply to gerrerd]

That is so right. One cannot learn without making mistakes.

The challenge here is how to be resilient. To not make mistakes a big deal and a reason to doubt your ability. To not be caught up in the thought of "what others will think of me, making that mistake"

Curious to hear your thoughts

[gerrerd in reply to J-Getting-Better]

Other peoples thinking belongs to them, not us. Its usually a reflection of them not us. In example a chap near me said nobody works in this avenue, called one man a lazzy b....... when he works from 9 until 5 from home then he strips cars and sells the parts sometimes still working untill 1 am. And nearly everyone also work. This a illusion of how he see,s the world. Totally false all in his mind. Most people who talk about others have the same falsehoods in their heads.

[EarthSitter1 in reply to gerrerd]

I needed to hear this today, I’ve experienced a similar situation, someone has been quite malicious about me and telling lies behind my back all based on assumptions on what I am apparently thinking or saying which are so far from reality, the weird thing being that I never had a problem with that person or said anything about them to anyone else (in fact I had quite neutral feelings about them as didn’t really have much to do with them) and yet in their head I apparently did and that’s why they’re behaving like they are 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I just don’t understand people sometimes x

[gerrerd in reply to EarthSitter1]

They think from their reality, It is usually a reflection on how they think and see the world. Nothing to do with us they get found out in the end, They do it to multiple people and people begin to realise and ignore them.

[EarthSitter1 in reply to gerrerd]

You’re right I have recently found out about another person she’s done it to- it seems she moved attention from her to me— so sadly I reckon she’ll eventually move on to another person. But your post has made me feel less like a victim as it’s obviously an illness with her x

[CLB1125]

I used to be worried about what others thought but at my age I have learned it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. Do your best and be satisfied with yourself you did your best. If you failed a report, you learned your mistake. You have gained knowledge you won't forget. As Dr Phil says What other people think (about us) is none of our business. They're their thoughts. good luck with your report.

[J-Getting-Better in reply to CLB1125]

Thank you for sharing your insight. I have been reading self-help books, one concept I found particularly interesting is "overgeneralization". This is a thinking pattern where one make overgeneralized statement about personal failures.

For example, in this situation, I have catastrophize one mistake of "not explaining clearly", and tell myself that "I will never make clear explaination".

The solution is learn to be specific in your thoughts. Rather than stating, I did not cannot things clearly. Say, I did not give an accurate response in this occation, because I try to pretend to be knowledgable.

[Ellamaye]

I read till the end . You know your an over thinker right? That's not a bad thing by the way just Try to steer your thoughts in a more productive direction. Those people have they're own problems I promise they're not analysing you .

You've shared your thoughts with us though so thankyou

[gerrerd]

Very true, your on the right track.