Lack of energy and fear of ruminating thoughts

[Sylvain-]

For quite a few days, I am not going well. For the details, see my previous posts. I kept my mind occupied by spending all my time yesterday discussing with you here on HealthUnlocked.

I feel a bit better today, so I think it is time for me to be more productive. I have some woodworking to do, but I hardly find the energy to do anything. It involves several hours of sanding, which is quite boring, and when I do that for a moment, my mind starts wandering to recall bad memories, regrets, and dark thoughts. So I am a bit reluctant to start it now.

What would you suggest to avoid procrastinating on that task? What do you do to control your mind while doing repetitive tasks?

[Dolphin14]

Hi

I would set a time limit of something I wanted to get done but wasn't too thrilled about. Maybe set an alarm for an hour, then go longer if you can?

Maybe some music while you are working

Best of luck. I know motivation is difficult at times

🐬

[Sylvain- in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks for the reply Dolphin14.

I know music is helpful for many people, but I have a complicated relationship with that. Casual listening to classical music does not prevent my mind from wandering. And more energic music inevitably triggers regrets and frustrations regarding dancing, clubbing, and the images generally associated with "having fun". That's what I tried to explain last week here: healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

Nowadays, I also yell at the TV for the same reasons because I envy those happy, beautiful, extroverted people that do everything I can't.

Back to my initial topic: I have begun some preliminary work. It is noon now here. I will leave the most tedious part for this afternoon—about 1h/1h30 before picking up my son at school. That way, I'll be forced to stop even if perfectionism kicks in or if I am stuck in a negative thought loop.

I hope my good resolutions and willingness will not vanish before I start :/

[Dolphin14 in reply to Sylvain-]

I just read your link. Thank you for providing that information so I could better understand.

Sounds like you don't like all that external stimulation. Have you ever listened to an audio book?

I'm glad you have a plan for your work. I'm glad you hit started. Best of luck with the rest of the day

🐬

[Sylvain- in reply to Dolphin14]

It took me several 1~2h sessions over three days, but I have finally finished sanding that batch of wood planks. About one-third of them still need some filling to hide defects, as well as a second pass of sanding. But at least things are (slowly) progressing.

Still have some difficulties preventing my mind from wandering around, ruminating dark thoughts and memories :/

[Dolphin14 in reply to Sylvain-]

Keep working on those thoughts and feelings. With time they may not show up as much

Great job!!! Look at you go You stuck with it. Be proud of that

[secrets22]

I hear you and i am exactly the same,i have to push myself to get things done, and like you i had some woodworking to do and finally got around to doing it even though i felt like shate,but i did persevere and am quite pleased with the results, but today i feel totally drained and fit for nothing, but hopefully tomorrow i can start to put vinyl flooring down. My mind constantly wanders about things i cannot change, far to many could'ofs,should'ofs,things i could have done differently, but we cannot alter the past, but we can try to build a better future.

[Sylvain- in reply to secrets22]

I totally relate to what you said. You are a bit stronger than me since you end up being satisfied with the result. I am never satisfied with my work. A therapist says that my reward system is broken. Whatever I do, it is always deception and never an incentive to pursue my efforts.

"[...]but we cannot alter the past, but we can try to build a better future."

Indeed you are also wiser than me. Even if I know what you say is the truth, I still can not convince my mind this is the only sane attitude.

Thanks a lot for your feedback. It is always helpful to know I am not alone in struggling with these difficulties.

[secrets22 in reply to Sylvain-]

To be honest i'm never really happy with what i do, as long as it looks ok ish I dont really mind to much.

[b1b1b1]

I actually find repetitive tasks to be relaxing. For me, I think they take up just enough of my brain power so that there is not enough left for anxiety. Therefore, I like driving, typing, washing dishes, etc.

[Sylvain- in reply to b1b1b1]

On the opposite, for my mind to give me a break, I have to focus on solving complicated problems.

While many of us share similar difficulties, it is interesting to see we all have brains (dis)functioning differently.

[kainasar]

Mindfulness meditation may help. Very popular with lots of videos teaching it.

[Sylvain- in reply to kainasar]

I tried that with in-person guidance for quite some time. I never felt revigorated or in communion with the world or my "inner self" after that. Quite the opposite: it led sad memories to flow uncontrolled and increased my awareness of the vacuity of existence.

I understand it may be helpful, but it wasn't for me.