please help me. I can’t take anymore

[hannah1987b]

I don’t k ow what to do with myself! When I reach out…. Nobody is there to catch me when I’m falling. No one.

[peacefulandcalm]

hi hannah, I so understand. I feel that too. I want so much for someone to be there who understands and cares. do you have a cat or dog? my two cats are here and I try to get out , being inside too much with no people, it gets worse. are you getting out? I get it and sending both of us love from wherever love comes from xxxx

[litethatnevergoesout]

Hannah we are here to catch you. it’s going to be ok.

[hannah1987b]

I wish u weren’t all sorted over the world. My narcissistic l ex husband still controls my life. My kids are miserable when they are with him and his wife. I’m fighting for my kids because I’m listening to them yet I’m in an island. I’m in a soundproof Perspex box screaming to be listens to but no one can hear me. No one cares enough to check in. He has family friends her family and her friends her sister is a family lawyer and the kicker….. he is in the legal sector also and has unlimited advice and resources. I have no voice as a mother, a woman, a human nor a soul. I want to end it all. I want to stop this hurt in my heart and my stomache . I can’t eat. Not sleeping properly, ruminating thoughts. I’m stuck. I can’t end my life ad I couldn’t do that to my children . They are my everything but how do I stay and survive in this torment-sinking. All whilst trying to put a “ smile” on my face and be the voice of calm and reason to my children.

[hannah1987b]

dotted

[litethatnevergoesout]

I’m sorry you’re going through this Hannah. your children need you regardless of how present you are in their life right now. You’re always going to be their mother. i know it doesn’t help change things as they are right now and I can feel how frustrating it is to feel outmatched in the legal part of things. I can relate, I haven’t seen my children for a year and a half, I’m separated from my wife and she’s made it impossible for me to be a part of their lives.

[hannah1987b in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

My ex husband forced me to sign a seperation agreement when I was at my lowest . He made out it was in everyone’s interests . I stupidly didn’t get a lawyer to look over it. I wasn’t capable . Bit at that point. Was in the first lockdown. Was scared was vulnerable and had no idea what I was doing. Because of this piece of paper….. he was having our children 10 nights a month. They were ok to begin with. Then, the bad mouthing me started and the belittling of them from himself and his wife started and the bullying started to them and to me . The control has always been there . I used to tell ppl it wasn’t malicious because he was diagnosed with hugh functioning Aspergers. Then I remembered seeing him google the symptoms and laugh before his assessment. No doubt some kind of ASD run through his family…. It’s undiagnosed but obvious. But now looking back …. I can see how twisted and manipulative it all was . All along. He has never been a caring comforting loving dad. Children are to be seen and not heard. His new wife has four! He couldn’t cope with our two. Slowly over the last 3.5yrs they have been kicking off- but wanting to go- feeljng sick and unwell before they go so they can stay at home in their safe space. Acting out at school not wanting to go. Now- because I’ve not forced them to see their dad and thwgg y are more in control…because I’m listening to what they are saying- I’ve had threats of harm, from 3rd parties saying they are trying to get rid of me. He has made anonymous calls to social security/benefits …. Trying to fuck everything up. I work I’m a mum a carer to my children as they have special needs. I’m a homemaker a taxi everything and I have no one. No one see what they are like. The TV are very good actors and because they k ow all the right ppl….. I’m stuck. We are stuck .

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to hannah1987b]

keep fighting for your children and if there’s abuse towards your children file it asap.

[Good_for_us in reply to hannah1987b]

I’m so sorry you and your kids are going thru this. I can’t imagine dealing this without some kind of support from family or friends. Can you access any kind of free legal assistance? Here in CA we can go to Legal Aid Society and they can provide some assistance from attorneys who are volunteering pro-bono help, or at least greatly reduced rates. Is there anything like that at all there?

[Good_for_us in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

I’m very sorry you haven’t been able to see your kids- I hope things get better soon ! 🙏🏻