Just got out of the psychiatrist appointment. She doubled my anti depression meds and suggested I take my anti-anxiety meds twice a day instead of just once. I feel so defeated. The last time I was on low doses and was able to slowly pull out of that darkness but I just can’t this time.
When I was able to get off all meds earlier this year I felt like a champ. Like I conquered that monster. And here I am again in its jaws but I don’t have much fight left.
I know how you feel. I felt like that when l was put back on anti psychotics in March at quite a high dose. Feel much better now that I'm down to a more manageable dose though, so hopefully your increase might not be for long. Chin up!
Thank you Roxy. It feel like I am just taking steps back but none forward
I felt like that too, but am picking up again. I wish the same for you.
Here in UK you are told by NHS that you can have an input as to your treatment and medication Why has yor psychiatrist increased your medication?
Still having repeated panic attacks and not sleeping due to anxiety. When not in the throes of that, I have no will to do anything. Not eat, not exercise, not interact with people, not shower. So she decided I need to up my meds to basically get me out of this funk.
Willow, sometimes the doctors need to get more aggressive in order to break thecycle we are in. Along with therapy, once that chain is broken, you will be able to
go forward and see life more clearly. Good Luck with the increase 
xx
You’ve described me completely. As crazy as it sounds, no showers for forever. Now I use baby wipes here and there so I’m not gross but no energy to do anything. I order groceries. I eat stuff that’s quick like sandwiches which I force myself to eat at least once a day and on a good day twice. I’m on a dang waiting list to go to the place I got good help with in the past rather than to stay at a place that’s terrible forgetting my appointment three times. I got into it with the therapist online like zoom because she said I wasn’t complying. I was so mad. I said I can’t sleep at night so it’s impossible to get to my appointments like I just blow them off blah blah blah. That’s part of this illness. They need to be more flexible. I’m not seeing the psychiatrist I’m seeing their help like a physician assistant. Not even an actual doctor. Although the PA can do their job but they’re not trained psychiatrist. Anyways, they give you three strikes and your out. The first strike was when they put us the whole world went in lock down shutting down everything. I said we shut down. She said you didn’t cancel the appointment. I wish I could kill these people sometimes but truth is they don’t understand us at all so they don’t know any better. My pcp never gives me grief when I miss or not cancel sleeping through my appointments. If they can do that dI can psychiatrists for Gods sake. Lots of ways to fall through the cracks of mental health treatment. It’s any wonder any of us get better at all. We are not losers. We have a serious deadly disease. Just like heart disease or diabetes or COPD. That’s the honest to Gods truth. Matter of fact, it’s much more dangerous than those. It’s our brain that’s affected. If it gets worse it will tell me to kill my self. Not even cancer does that. Only depression Wether you’re depressed like sad or depressed like mad or pretending to everyone that you’re not depressed but shoot yourself. It’s still depression. Thousands and thousands of people lull themselves daily and lots are called accidental but in truth aren’t. So don’t look down on yourself ever. Never ever. You’re beating the worst illness anyone could ever be diagnosed with. You’re doing great going to your doctor. You’ll feel better soon. It ducks waiting for the meds to kick in and side effects suck too but you’re an over comer. You are beating this illness.
I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I have had those same ups and downs, too. Exercise helps to keep my mind clear, plus supplements. I try to eat well, even though I don’t have much money.
I am hoping the up in meds give me a small breakthrough to move just a bit. Exercise usually helps but I’ve got zero motivation to do anything.
I understand. Last year I had a nervous breakdown (my 2nd). First one was in 2013. I couldn’t function. All I could do was sit and stare at the television.
Hello Ggreen9518. I’m very closeTo having one of those! I’m scared
Both times when it happened to me, it was in the summer, started in July, lasted through October. This will sound strange, but we are surrounded by more wireless energy and electromagnetic radiation than ever before (cell phones, tablets, computers, etc.). Combined with the heat of summer, it makes it more intense. I believe that this has a negative impact on the mind and body. Humans are electrical beings. And this stuff not only is around us, it is constantly going through us. That and I believe there are forces at work fuc**ing with our minds to control the population. It’s my opinion, take it as you will. I believe good nutrition and antioxidants are so important to counter it. With that said, you don’t have to let your mind take you all the way down the rabbit hole. Do what you can do. Feel your feelings, but they don’t define you. Be who you are, mental illness is a struggle but does not need to tell you who you are. You tell yourself who you are, you can find happiness in simple things. Love yourself if you can. Don’t let people around you send you down that rabbit hole, they don’t know what the hell they are talking about.
Thank you Abysswalker. I am so very tired. Mentally I am not in a good place and with the added stress of husband’s job and us looking to buy a house I feel just empty. Or panicked. Depends on the moment.
Ah snow you made me cry. True words you have spoken. I know what you are saying but in the moment when I realize I have taken backwards steps in my treatment, it just totally sucked.
I completely agree with Snow. Using medication and talk therapy is a sign of strength - you are recognizing your mental health challenges and using some medication as one tool to hopefully improve your health, along with others. You are taking care of yourself the best you can. A different point of view might be - thank goodness there are medications available I can take if and when I need them to improve my health.
It’s so hypocritical that I have a mental illness and judge myself for taking medications to help but I don’t judge others. 😐
I'm reading between the lines but when you went off meds entirely last fall did you equate that with being "cured?"
I did. I don’t think I fully realized that until I went back on them. Set myself up for failure I suppose.
I need to look at it like a chronic condition that may need medication long term. It would be fine if I had high blood pressure and took meds to help keep me healthy right? They should depression meds or anxiety meds be any different?
Thank you all for your kind uplifting words 💜
I’m with you Willow2022! We are in the struggle together
I get it. Been there done that. In 30 years I’ve never been off meds. At five years, I told my psychiatrist that when I studied psych in college it said in the book that depression takes about five years to recover frim. He said some people are in meds the rest of their life. I was absolutely devastated. I just couldn’t bounce back into being well again like I was before the nervous breakdown during my last pregnancy getting out of domestic violence which was terrifying for years after that time. But I went out and drank so many Long Island ice teas to get wasted but all that happened was I never enjoyed it like I should have. Then I was totally wasted for nothing lol next morning my kid had Saturday detention. I was driving a stick a tracker and I was still so wasted that I was having trouble shifting gears. We bounced around all over the place til we got to school and I got home. I had a nightmare hangover for three days. Like the flu. Headache from hell. I went back to AA. I had hmm coming up on three years sober until that night. I told my peers there that it didn’t even work. I didn’t get that fun carefree feeling I was looking for but ended up wasted...thank God my neighbor drive. . but that next morning driving the kid to school still drunk was not cool at all. I had to accept I might be on meds the rest of my life. But I learned that just for today I’m in meds. Maybe I can get off them someday. But just fir today everything is okay. I’m moving soon once I get over grieving leaving family and friends to move to Sarasota to get better from seasonal affective disorder basically disabling depression for several months each year and exhausted crawling out of it so by the time I feel better, it’s November again, the sun disappears and depression starts up again. Moving scares me to death but this place will be the death of me if I don’t get the hell out of here. Bless you.
You are right. I’ve tried to fight this and push myself to get better but only made myself more depressed and anxious time and time again. I have learned the hard way to go with the flow. Slowly but surely I start toget through the bump in the road. What I hate is when I’m doing what I’m supposed to do but start getting depression that sneaks up on me. Like for what seems like for what seems like no reason of all, anxiety kicks in and the symptoms of chronic fatigue and no appetite starts then I start feeling like overwhelmed. It happens. It’s so aggravating. A lot of times I’m in denial that stress is getting to me because I try to tell myself positive stuff but sometimes it bites me in the butt. Actually a few times the med I was on stopped working. Unbelievable. Had no clue that could happen. No one told me. Not the therapist or the psychiatrist. By the time I realized I was getting really sick, I found myself in deep depression. I’m a single mom with three kids bring terrorized by a narcissist ex husband for years and years. I had protection orders but the cops were gis friends and never stopped his nonsense. He terrorized all four of us for over twenty years until about ten years ago when his health got the best of him. He’s pretty sick. We didn’t ask for anxiety or depression. We have lived through unbelievable tragedies some our whole lives that caused these problems in the first place. These are no different than heart disease or cancer or diabetes or COPD etc etc etc. It’s a chemical reaction that causes the body to malfunction like any disease. Ours is worse because our illness doesn’t do chemo and go away or tells us to kill ourself. We are really stronger than we realize to deal with this illness or illnesses which most of us have more than a few. Lots of us have fibromyalgia or arthritis or lupus etc etc etc. We are amazing. Warriors. Winners.
I can relate! I lived with a rageaholic for 6 years! I was in battered woman shelters 3X. I developed PTSD from it. That was 25 years ago. I have made alot of progress since then.🙂I moved to Bradenton 20 years ago to be a support for my elderly mother. She passed in 2013. Well I won't go on & on but I couldn't help but notice we are neighbors! Wishing you much healing. Forgiveness is the key.💗
Wow we will definitely be neighbors. Bradenton is lovely. We’ll have to stay in touch so we can meet up when I get there. Having a friend who truly understands is priceless. Can’t wait to meet you.
Same here!
For me, I think about my grandmothers especially who had to white knuckle it through their anxiety and depression because there were no good options for medication in the 50s, 60s, 70s. Mental health was kept secret and many people suffered greatly. One of my grandmothers became somewhat agoraphobic and the other one self medicated with alcohol. I'm grateful to have medicine to help with my mental health.
We are in this together. Today you are taking medicine to help. And that's it, we only have today.
So true. Mental health issues were not talked about back then.
I completely agree.
I know how you feel. Through my teens and early 20s I was on Lexapro and Klonopin. And for a good while I stayed on it. Then my anxiety started to improve. Eventually I got to the point where I didn't need the Lexapro anymore. And then eventually talk to my psychiatrist and we weaned myself off of the Klonopin. I still got the prescription filled as a just in case like flying in an airplane. Which will make anybody uncomfortable in those tiny uncomfortable rows and no leg room 😂
I got to enjoy I guess about let's see I was with my fiance for about 9 years so yeah almost 9 years well hell no I think about it maybe even a little bit longer of bliss. I was able to go out I was driving. Then I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Which was fine I mean I did have a little breakdown cuz I thought it was because I was fat I was pushing 183 lb. And I thought it was my fault that I let myself get this way. So I started working out I managed to drop 20 lb so that put me at 163 lb. And even though I was taking medication for hypothyroid at 25 mcg. I was doing well for myself. I drove to another city that's 4 hours away. It was perfectly fine no panic attacks. Even though unfortunately it was to attend a funeral of my brother-in-law who passed away. But again commingling with people this was during the time of the pandemic. And trying to be safe. Usually I don't do well in social circles but I was doing all right. And then 2021 my doctor says hey we tested your blood work and your TSH levels are high we're putting you on 50 MCG. And that brought me down real quick and 2 months I was anxious I had two major anxiety attacks I should say panic attacks. Cuz there is a difference between it too and it was horrible. I begged him to lower it and he reluctantly did. Fire the doctor because he was completely unprofessional He basically said the panic attacks were due to my psychiatrist lack of care for me and told me I should fire him. All because my psychiatrist said that I was pretty much good for 2019 and into 2020 on this type of medication and then suddenly it needed to be increased maybe an endocrinologist is needed. My doctor took that as a fence and he wanted me to fire him. But instead I chose to get rid of that doctor. Got a new doctor she's fine was still on 25 MCG. And then I had issues with this might be TMI but I was having issues with fake breast milk. Which of course is kind of scary considering both of my family sides never went to the doctor so I don't know if I could get cancer at any moment. I have had three relatives die of cancer. So she referred me to an endocrinologist who I thought was a well-meaning doctor now I just realized she just goes through the routine. Got an MRI got ultrasound done on my breast. Everything's okay no breast cancer It's just part of having hypothyroidism. But with the blood work she saw that my TSH levels were 3.25 and she decided to put me back on 50 MCG. After I told her I wig out on this. And for 6 months been busting my hump trying to get this lowered. Because I thought I had to go through her to get it lowered. But she doesn't care. The clinic that I was referred to basically treats patients like cattle. You're ushered from one room to another and it's okay what's up what's wrong all right you're fine out you go. And it was hard because I was just starting to get my feet back under me I mean I just went to see my favorite comedian in December here I am in February crying up a storm cuz I couldn't even go to Valentine's Day dinner with my fiance. And just been crying and having issues. It feels like I take one step forward and 10 steps backward. And then I had an excema flare up on my chest and neck. And that was just doing my head in. Now I'm taking my Klonopin or Clonazepam. Twice a day or three depending if I have a breakthrough panic attack. Cuz my therapist recommended that. And I'm seeing a therapist again. I understand it is a blow to the ego and it does hurt your pride. But maybe there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's just temporary. Once you start feeling like you again maybe you're psychiatrist will lower your medication. It takes time and that's one thing about time sometimes you have to give time time. Took me 6 months but eventually I got my thyroid medication lowered to 25 again. So I'm hoping that helps with the anxiety. I'm not going to think that this is a cure all and I'll be magically fixed in 2 months. I still got to work on me because there is a chance that it won't work and I have to be put on 50 but maybe with the help of therapy and working with my doctor I could get put on a different medication for thyroid. Try something else. But yeah I get those funks and I understand you completely.
I wish you the best of luck and healing for you Willow 2022 ❣️🫂🤞🏽🙏🏽
My excuse to not go place is usually it’s too people-y outside
Willow I know I have the mental illness of depression. I didn’t cause, can’t control it and. can’t cure it. I can function okay in a moderate depression but when I stay in a moderate depression past when I think I should be out of it I start going into a deep depression. None of us can control when we should be out of the deep ones. We need each other for support to hang in there. We are strong people. I have tried a lot of different meds and I will keep trying. We really need to practice loving ourselves thru the deep depressions. Use us we are here!
Thank you Mauv. Good session with my therapist today in which we spoke a lot about my unwillingness to accept this is a disease just like cancer, lupus, or heart disease etc. you wouldn’t tell someone with cancer to “suck it up and move on” would you? So why expect to do the same with depression? It requires treatment, monitoring and yes, often medication.
Glad your therapist encouraged you. It takes time for the brain chemistry to get back to normal. We have a disease and stress makes it worse. We need to love ourselves and when we can’t we reach out to others in this support group to love us till we can. Depression makes a person feel shame. I struggle with that and it is a hard habit to break. Recognize it early when depression first starts and hopefully you can see you didn’t cause it, can’t control it and can’t cure it. We have a mental illness which effects our thinking process when active and we need a tx to increase our seratonin level in the brain and the gut. Encouraging others brings sunshine to their souls Praying that you start to feel better.
Hang in there and remember that taking medication isn’t a negative.
Words of hope, encouragement,inspiration?
Need A Few Kind Words This Morning
Just need some encouragement 
Need some encouragement
Need some encouragement 
