Without giving to much away, I am finding life pretty unbearable, and living alone whilst running a business is no picnic.
Firstly i have covid, which has been horrendous ,utterly draining.
Then i had a tenant leave, leaving the property in disarray, and now having to spend a huge amount on getting the place up together again, yes i have a property management company i use, but the bottom line is, all major decisions are mine.
Having lost my partner 3 and a half years ago, and now doing things i never thought i would have to has been very hard on me, as my late partner David, was the brains behind everything.
Ridiculous i know, but at 2 am two nights ago, i ventured into the empty property ,and when i saw it, I had the most terrible panic attack, it left me reeling and unable to breath.
I know i will get things sorted, but I worry desperately about everything, and it builds up into a crescendo which is impossible to escape from, and then it drives me to the brink of despair.
And i think the hardest thing i have to deal with is the aloneness ,not having someone in the house to confide in. Yes i do have friends i can go out with but i never discuss my private affairs ,and I've reached a stage where i dont enjoy going out, and if i do, i just want to rush home and wallow in my misery, and with that comes another problem, I cannot go anywhere without using the car as i'm a few miles from town. My one saving grace is Yonnie and Diva, my two little dogs, for i think without them i wouldn't be here.
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secrets22
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I am sorry to hear that you have to go through so much alone. I understand how that panic feels. Know that you're not alone. Also I know going out must be hard, but don't stop going out, it will improve bit by bit. I hope you're able to pull the business off, and keep sharing, however it feels. Take care.
with Covid everything is tough in that I think my immune system is worse than before or I notice more or both so I fear viruses and I have to constantly batle that I am immune suppressed depressing for everyone
Sorry about your house and anxiety yes its difficult managing things and properties glad you have your dogs ....and that u keep going its what your husband would want that u were ok and anyway everything as buddhist say is arising to pass away and we are all stuck here in one way or another not to say i dont understand pain i do
Panic attacks are always physically draining. You are dealing with so much right now. A panic attack is not suprising. But you are stronger than you realize and will always have support here. Do what you absolutely have to do and give yourself lots of TLC. I hope things get better soon.
Here is something that I have learned over the years;
1). Even though anxiety/ panic attacks are real, we still have the privilege to make our choice. To choose our attitude/ behavior of how to best deal with our life events.
2). For every one thing you panic/ worry about, turn that concern into thinking about something that you are grateful/ thankful for!
3). The more your heart fills up with Gratefulness/ Thankfulness, the less room anxiety and panic have to stick around.
4). Prayer is also very real! Pray daily, for your protection over the anxiety/ panic attacks!
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Panic attacks will ruin your life
PANIC ATTACK? NO, ATTACK PANIC II TRIGGER 
Panic attack 
