Getting older and fighting to stay in the "now"

I'm closing in on 60 and it's been rough lately. It was a while ago that I realized there were more years behind than ahead, but nearly every day the thought still pops up and smacks me in the face.

My health is good, for which I'm grateful. But I'm alone and the friends I've had over the years have fallen by the wayside for one reason or another; some of them have died.

I'm trying to get out, join things, go to meetings, looking into volunteering. Not to boast, but I'm doing all the things I know I'm supposed to do, and I know that it will take time to see whatever results are to come.

The thought that haunts me is that I wasted years during my late 30s and through my 40s, hunkered down after having given up on people. My dogs were my family and friends during those years -- and they still are.

But fear of what's to come and regret over what I might have missed are telling me I will need more than my canine family in the years ahead. Staying in the "now" is what's to be done, but doing that on your own is really tough.

[Downinil]

I can definitely relate to how you’re feeling. I’m here if you need to chat.

[Starrlight]

It’s hard when certain thoughts pop up that bother. Triggers. Staying in the now on our own IS tough but there will be opportunities to have new connections and it sounds like you are ready for that. I can relate because I’ve let friends slip away … for me it was all too much it seemed because I was suffering so much and I found it easier to isolate. Well maybe we can cheer each other on as we do our best to let people in.

[Island2]

You already are doing great job about your situation and you know the result will come , just keep doing what you are doing, one day at a time , one day at a time ; you are getting there 👍❤️

[moxoni237]

Hi can relate too this sometimes the feeling of isolation or of self worth working with self care is keeping self motivated working with health and wellness keeping the momentum with mental clarity focus approach finding purposeful meaning and self empowering keeping a interest or connection with a higher version of self development and positivity and habits re-energising be it a pursuit or hobby with friends or those who share interests etc walking a group meeting library church volunteer or otherwise a place of tranquility very good to keep you motivated and of self esteem connection important in later years you can still live a life of self value and embracing environment be courageous and resilient and change hope things work together for the common good

[Trainchaser]

Yea I regret blowing away some years to. I am a little older than you and on the down slope of my life. I try not to beat myself up from my past but take the lessons I have learned and use them going forward. According to life expectancy tables I have 22 years and change to live. I want to live each day to the fullest. I realize that there will be days when that doesn't happen but there is always the next day.

[catsrock]

I totally get this. Just turned 60 and have a lot of the same thoughts.

[RemySue]

Turned 60 in April and really had a rough few months. I'd go from not caring if I died tomorrow to panicking because I may only have 30 years left.

[metalminded]

Your post came at a time where I just said to my wife last night that in less than 30 years we’ll be 80!

We’re both 54 and I often think about how I’ve wasted my life working in a career that is meaningless and I never followed my dreams.

Unfortunately, our finances require me to stay in the field I’ve been in since the late 80s because I’m in management.

I just had my bladder and prostate removed due to cancer and 10 years ago I had a kidney transplant. I’ve been through a lot and while I’m still young and can do a lot. It’s painful feeling so trapped.

[Hidden in reply to metalminded]

Thanks for your reply, MM. I'm sorry you've had to go through all that.

When I was younger I never had a "real" dream. There were many things I thought I wanted to do, but none of them was a passion. Now that I'm older I wonder why I never became a filmmaker. The truth is, it hadn't occurred to me until recently, when I watched a great movie that really moved me.

But I don't think my work is meaningless, and you shouldn't think yours is either. Your work supports you and your family. The people you manage depend on you to be a just and fair boss. No work is meaningless if it's done well and honorably.

Years ago I heard someone on the radio saying forget about finding fulfillment in a career and seek fulfillment elsewhere. That really stuck with me. Suddenly I was able to forgive myself for not having a creative or world-changing job. I forgave myself for not having that and I felt much better.

The truth is, most people don't have "meaningful" careers. That's OK. My struggle (and maybe yours) is finding that fulfillment elsewhere.

I'm looking to my dogs and nature. More travel could be in my future. And I hope to build a new community of like-minded friends with whom I can share the last third of my life.

[metalminded]

Thank you for your kind words rescued!

I do take a great deal of pride in my work and the team that works for me. I’m proud when I hear others tell me what a great team I have and believe me, they hear that from me very often. I brag about them every chance I get!

I do find some fulfillment in other things I do but it’s hard when you don’t have the time or money to enjoy the things outside of work, like travel (in the US).

I have been working in my field for over 30 years and I’m terribly bored and disappointed with where I’m at in life. I hope that makes sense.

[funnychocolate]

I totally understand. I'm 77 and know my life has mostly past. I don't have a support group as I have always been a loner. Many days are so hard to face and I worry just to worry knowing there really isn't a reason. Wish I could be of more help