"Get a new therapist" 💔. Hurts so damn much. It's like a break up. The only decent therapist i had

[Against_the_current]

So today i had an appointment i made more than two weeks ago when i was in a crisis. She told me she's really busy, i asked for the first available appointment, she gave me today. I called to say im not in the city and could we do it online, she said she was busy but i still told her this and she just said "get a new therapist". Hurts so much. She could do EMDR. And I tried getting a new therapist she made me cry. She was the one to guide my thoughts right. But she's really busy with the "important pathients".

Really wondering whether I should stay home and search for a therapist here. Yesterday mom was drinking and trying to come up with something to cause a scandal. If i stay here, i would be much more less money but i should get a job so mom doesn't think I'm useless. Yesterday she said she wants to go abroad for her 50th birthday but need a second driver and to save money and was said if i get a driving license and a job. I was like i don't want to kill them with my driving, I'm agoraphobic and i dissosiate. Second i said "so i should pay your birthday". Mom got upset. "PAY MY BIRTHDAY! Forget it, we're never going anywhere. We will stay home. Forever." Then she was like "i left only breakfast for you and i cane home at 9pm. Have you stayed hungry out of laziness to cook for yourself?!" I told her we weren't hungry . "Oh, i shouldn't cook then". Then i told her this conversation is nonsense. She said"I'm just worried you're staying hungry". No, you're not, you're saying we're lazy and trying to find a theme for a fight. Stop manipulation with"I'm thinking about you ". If you were, you would notice i puke from anxiety. I pretended to be asleep to avoid a scandal. I can't afford it in my state. Mom started telling sis about a mom that came with all the schoolbooks and the teacher was so thoughtful to give them the books earlier. Here school starts on 15th sep. I was dying to infere and say "but they give books only for the first 4 grades, sis is 10th grade, she has to buy them from where the school doesn't care". Sis said it "it has to be 1-4 grade school ". Then she started telling sis about her clients over and over again. Finally shut down the tv and went to sleep. Hallelujah! I waited for her to start snoring to grab a med and my phone to calm. There's an event in my videogame that i really wanted to finish and it was ending in a few hours. Then she woke up and i hope she didn't see me. I pretended to be asleep again. Then she was really asleep but sis was asleep too so i decided to really sleep this time.

Still wondering whether to stay here or go to university city. And whether to go to the therapist that makes me cry there. If i stay here i would probably need to get a job but if i go there i would probably too because i want to move out and not be so alone. Can't people understand im not okay?! It's a lot. I'm worried if i finally find the perfect place, pay it and move out, will i feel better or just wasted money? I'm worried to leave all escape options too tho. And the master's degrees in my city are longer and idk if they're suitable for me.

[SoporRose]

Wow.

That’s a lot to have to figure out. It sounds as if your therapist behaved unprofessionally. If she feels she can’t help you, she should say so and give you some references to other therapists.

I think looking for a therapist near where you are now is a good idea. Also see if you can find a decent one in the other city. If you find a good one near your mom’s, then that’s a reason to stay. If you find one in the other town, go back.

But trust your instincts. In which location will you get more of your needs met?

What your mom got right, even if she didn’t say it diplomatically, is that you should eat. I notice that you think and write more lucidly when you eat and stay hydrated. Your mom is far from perfect, but I think she does love you.

I’m rooting for you and hoping you can find a new therapist soon.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

She's asleep drunk. I feel like that's not my mom anymore, it's like her corpse, her shell with alcohol inside. I feel psychotic

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I almost hate to say it, but what an evocative, tragic description of your mother. You write so well!

I wish you had a clear, positive option to choose. I am so sorry you have to watch your mom drink herself into a stupor.

[HisDaughter]

I am very sorry you have so much going on! Some professionals who are supposed to help have hurt me a lot too when they closed their doors to me. I am very sorry not only about your pain, but also about how difficult things are in your life! Let's hope that you find soon a good therapist who can see you regularly. You can call [phone] for a no-cost consultation with a licensed or pastoral counselor, and then one will get back with you and listen to you and pray with you and give you referrals for therapists in your area. Your mom may not be the most supportive, but sometimes some people have reasons out of their control for not being able to be there for us. I really don't know why things are the way they are. Many times, I pray to God a lot for help and guidance. I recommend to take care of yourself and to continue to try to better yourself and get better too and fill your heart with love. Your mom and your sister likely need your love. God can help all of us. I hope He gives you many blessings.