Marriage struggle

[Ndizi]

Hello everyone, I am here to give what is in my mond. I have a lot to tell but I will cut it short. So my story that is hurting me is about my marriage. I am married to my husband for 2 years now, we have 3 kids but we have known each for over 6 years. So my husband one told me he has a kid with another woman. That was before we met. I accepted everything including the kid. So there is lady who calls him uncle who has been a great friend to him and me, they are relatives. So last year December 2022 the lady sent a message asking for support money from my husband stating that his sister had sent him. That left me confused. So I had to confront my husband about it. That is when he came open that he had a kid with the lady's sister. So all this long he had never said anything about this. I felt betrayed, I don't trust n him, the lady and all his relatives. So I told him to cut off any form relationship with the lady but he says it will be hard because she is a relative. As I speak we are not in good terms because don't like it, I don't feel comfortable with him, please if anyone can speak to me, I need help on that.

[Ndizi]

What hurts me the most is that, he keeps talking to the baby mama's sister and he thinks I can trust their conversations. Even if they are relatives I feel I hate them for keeping such a secret from me. I imagine if I hadn't seen the text, I wouldn't have known about what was going on

[CLB1125]

Wait what? Your husband has a child with a relative? I’m confused…

[Ndizi in reply to CLB1125]

Yes, and still wants to maintain a close relationship with the sister of the baby mama. He says that his relationship with the sister has nothing to do with the baby mama, of which I am against even of they are relatives

[LoveforAll41]

I think that you definitely have a right to transparency for all communications he would have with any of these women. Maybe he could include you in every text? I don't know but I would hope he realizes first priority is you and your children. Have you gone to a marriage counselor? I think that even if issues don't seem serious it can help you learn better communication skills.

[Ndizi in reply to LoveforAll41]

Not yet, I don't think he will consider seeing the counsellor.

[Ndizi]

Am I becoming too strict on him? Because I don't feel comfortable with any kind of talk or relationship. He complains that I am becoming to much by saying I don't want any of such

[CLB1125]

if there’s nothing wrong with their friendship he shouldn’t have a problem including you in these texts. That’s my opinion. Secrets destroy marriages. I understand about the counciling , my husband won’t consider it either. He would have years ago but now he doesn’t think we have a problem, just me. Good luck

[Ndizi]

Thanks dear

[CLB1125]

you’re welcome.