Finding me again.

[secrets22]

Life is stressful life is difficult and we find amongst all the humdrum of daily setbacks and tribulations we often lose sight of who we are.

Usually with heightened anxiety, and deeply disturbing trials ,whether that be the loss of a loved one or a broken marriage or a failed relationship, and amid all that turbulence we often lose ourselves. We find ourselves questioning our right to life, why am I here, why do i make so many mistakes, whatever did i do wrong, I am lost in a maelstrom of despair.

I personally, all my life, have been a people pleaser, but that in turn has all but reduced me to despair, by clinging on to foolish hopes and dreams, to roads with no beginning and no end, except to be stuck in the middle, and i know quite well that i have lost 'me' in the process.

For someone who was so vibrant and now reduced to a blithering nervous wreck i am now to start that journey to rediscovering me, it is a long and arduous road, but a road i must take if i wish to find a resemblance of the previous 'me'.

In my case, for so long, I was cushioned from the harsh realities of life, but now living alone, I find myself dealing with things i never thought i would have to, and I lost 'me', and i so want to rediscover and find 'me'.

[Turnipgirl]

Dating sites are OK if you just want something casual and company every now and then I found through experience.

Today we are having a picnic lunch out just before swimming at 2pm and then I have the doctors at 5pm which I had been feeling anxious about this morning but feel lots better now I have had chance to talk it over and once it's done I can forget about it!

Last time I had a check up was back in March just after I had received those court papers through the post along with a defence form for me to get evicted and it turned out they had messed up the forms as on the Saturday of Mother's day weekend I had received a letter from the court saying they had messed the papers up and Judge wanted a hearing in court the Tuesday after Easter!

I would have rather have gone to court and had support there than have come back from the park that Saturday and receive that possession order done on papers only saying they were sorry but I was to leave in 14 days without any support or anyone to explain things to me like there was in court!

Friday just gone at swimming I received a telling off from their very rude receptionist about having booked 2 hours at a time both today and last Saturday and got told its only an hour at a time!

The other reception staff there are nice and hadn't said anything when I had booked the 2 hour slots!

We all laughed and said how the rude receptionist hadn't had anything better to have done that day so decided to tell me off just for entertainment!

[Turnipgirl]

How are the dogs getting on?

My advice is to take things a step at a time@

[secrets22 in reply to Turnipgirl]

my dogs are holding up well thankyou.

[Turnipgirl]

Good news I had my doctors appointment and survived it and like I expected they were running late but I wasn't upset over that as there's no point getting myself upset over things that are beyond my control!

It was a check up to see how I am getting on and a medication review and I'm glad it's over and done with now and I don't have to worry about it now for a few months!

My last one was back in March when I was at the old flat and tonight I got the bus at the stop where the old place was and I thanked my lucky stars that I'm not there anymore!

Turns out I was proved right in my suspicions that the building the old flat was in was getting made into an air b and b place as they are more profitable than long term rentals!

That was a horrible thing I went through was getting evicted!

[Turnipgirl]

The other house where I gave my 4 weeks notice to leave where i lived before i went to live at the one that got turned into an air b and b is still getting rented out long term to long term tenants and at that place the landlord was a friend as well as a landlord but he retired and took an agent on who I didn't like!