Can't feel happiness

[Raggedy-Ann]

I received a letter of Forgiveness. The current administration forgave a crushing amount of student loan debt. I didn't believe it. It felt like a sick joke, something that good couldn't happen for me. I had to check it out. I went to my student loans and all of the over 20 year loans were gone. I called my student loan provider to check my balance. Hope was on the rise. My loan balance is now a manageable number. Am I happy, squealing and jumping around the room? No. I have a major panic attack instead. I still can't seem to let go of the fear of those loans hanging over my head. It has been there so long. I was on the defer until death plan and pay them from the sale of my home. That happened on the 16th it is now the 20th and my gut is in a tightening wad of stress. I sat outside in my garden and tried to release that fear exhale it out of my body. I think it is going to take me some time as my feelings of guilt roar up. I wish I could be elated but I feel ashamed.

[Artistfriend]

That awesome you got them cancelled, especially if it was such a big stressor for you, i pray the same happens to me before i die.

Its probably the unexpected change that triggered you, thats the way it is for me anyway or it might be something totally different that triggered you but the loans are still on your mind so youre attributing the anxiety to them. In time youll get used to the loans being gone, itll be a relief, maybe try and set it aside for now and dont dwell on it

[Stippler]

Hi Raggedy Ann - I want to say congratulations on getting your loans forgiven. I hope you can find peace with this soon, but I also want to say to be patient with yourself - it sounds like you have gone through difficult things for a very long time. Please be patient with yourself. When you are ready, you will begin to put this behind you. I hope this helps. Sending prayers for your peace of mind. 🙏🙏🙏

[Thankfulforhelp22]

definitely be patient with yourself. You had this stressor a lot longer than you had freedom from it.

I think in a short while you will be able to gradually embrace this blessing.

[Lizzo30]

Seems like you have had your share of suffering - you deserve this good news - congratulations

[Hidden]

I hope you are able to feel this event as the blessing it really is at some point. As others have said, maybe just give yourself a little more time and grace to get comfortable with the change.

I know for me, change is usually difficult- and it doesn’t even have to be a bad change. Even good changes tend to throw me off a little until I’m able to let it settle and maybe talk about it with a friend to get that oh so valuable outside perspective that I so often need!

Also wondering if you’ve reflected on how you’re feeling just in general lately- aside from this specific event. In my case, when my depression sneaks in on me I have a really hard time finding joy in ANYTHING, even things I typically enjoy very much. I have to remain vigilant to keep depression from stealing my joy

All the best. Keep sharing and keep well.

[Raggedy-Ann]

I have been grappling with this until two days ago. I am trying to pay it forward. I saw a guy trying to hitchhike on a road that heads out to the eastern plaines. He had a blond Labrador with him. I passed them on my way for a delivery, and again on my way back. It was really hot. I finished the rest of my deliveries and I get a free meal so I added a couple of bottles of water and some dog treats I carry. I drove back and gave him the bag of food. I noticed the dog had booties on so his feet wouldn't get burned. This was a guy who cared. I gave him the bag of food he was so thankful and gave water to his dog first. I gave him a bit of money $17, that's what I had. He couldn't believe it, he was so happy and kept telling me to have a blessed day. This felt good and I knew that this is how I can pay it forward in simple kindnesses and maybe sometime later I will feel less guilty and maybe a few others will pay it forward too.