Im in supported housing program that helped to set the stage for my eventual complete collapse. Im stuck in a corrupt system of housing providers and slum lords.Without realizing it I institutionalized myself and now that Im old the only thing I look forward to is the day a dr. tells me I have an incurable disease.
My family has basically written me off. No friends and all my fur babies are gone. Im only 64 I look older. Im very negative because Ive taken a beating.
Sorry youre feeling so bad.
Oh my...can you get out and go for a walk?
I can but the area is not good. Many triggers that set me off.
I'm sorry.
Do they have an activity group run by simeone who is a little more open and friendly?
Its been hard to find a group . I dont like goimg into the city. Alot of bad things happening there.
Re: not going into the city...it is good to be cautious. I can relate to wanting to make a change when all roads seem to be blocked. Sometimes, I am thinking it has to be a big change, and right away. That is definitely the case when in a lot of pain. How can anyone encourage someone if the encourager is not in great pain! I have recently had some relief crom pain and have to admit, there are more choices, and I have a little more courage. ( I am a wimp when it comes to pain, not very agreeeable, and I don't even feel like joining the "gratitude" group, a phone group. Even though it is a hopeful group and I noticed that they find small things to be grateful for. If we are in a lot of pain, it seems that our minds are affected more, what we need to solve problems. But our munds are still there even when we seem to be shut off from them.( I remember a long time ago zI saw on TV......they were doing an experiment. (The person didn't feel any pain). They would touch a part of the brain and the person would recall a memory and discuss it. I somehow took that to mean that all our nemories are intact and brain is a marvelous thing. It can still be working, even if our personalities are separated by trauma. The TV show didn't actually say that. It is just my belief and opinion. All of us have different experiences recorded. I am also a senior in age ( not a senior in high school...a senior citizen ) I can still learn and still make use of my experience. Time is a great mystery, in physics and in the Bible. How fast or slow it goes is gor the most part psychological. I want you to commend you for being cautious and realizing decisions are important and have consequences. However, I want to share with you that some changes can be very small and have very little risk and that one small change sometimes leads to a movement of a small part that will loosen up the whole pile. ( I can't even remember that game where the winner can keep moving the small parts without making a change, and the one called the loser very gingerly moves a part and the structure falls down That is a game that some enjoy. In reality, you can move one small part ( after careful thought) that loosens things in a small way, but everything will not fall apart. It will just reveal a clearer picture of what piece might be moved next. Not the complete solution, because pain cannot be relieved innediately. It is gradual and that is what makes us want to tear out your hair ( which some people actually do literally) So, I hope if you are bald, it was a natural process!
At 64 you are still able to get another dog or cat--not sure which you prefer. If it is hard to find a place to walk, aim for a small dog (or cat). Are there any senior centers in your area? Another thought is to join a church. This can help even if you are not particularly religious, as it is a way to meet people and become involved in something outside of yourself. Also, try to see a psychiatrist and take antidepressants. They do help --sometimes quite a lot -- and they may enable you to see possibilities and come out of your isolation a bit more.
Sorry for all the typos. Even my correction had a typo. Sorrt instead of sorry. "t" is right next to"y" and the keyboard is already as big as it gets on this phone so I am always hitting wrong keys
What the hell am i doing w my life?
Im either depressed as hell or fatigued...or both... and it's a living hell 
Quarantined in hell
This is hell- please respond
And then one day
